so, i'm out of the shower and ready to go.

the dry air in here is really absolutely vicious on my hair. i can't let it get as bad as last year, though. i have to ensure i'm staying hydrated, in all of the senses of the term - drinking water, showering regularly (i can admittedly get a little rutty), etc otherwise, it's going to knot itself up and fall out.

and, i don't actually know what i'd do after that. i certainly would not detransition just because my hair fell out - that would be a strange idea of womanhood. it's certainly a very challenging prospect to imagine existing as a bald woman of any type, and it's just that much harder to imagine existing as a bald transwoman. but, like, the world would have to get used to it. because, that's not an argument for accepting testosterone all of a sudden. it just isn't. sorry.

and, i'd like to imagine that i wouldn't be so shallow as to kill myself, but it would certainly be overwhelmingly depressing, and it may force me into a clinical state, for really the first time. i'd like to hope i could get over it. it would be really, really, really hard.

would i wear wigs? well, i guess i'd probably have little other option.

i'd probably choose to stay in than go out in a wig, though.

if you think i'm a hermit now, take away my hair and see what happens. i'd probably order my food on amazon. i'd go agoraphobic.

i don't think i'm having actual difficulty with actual hair loss; it's not falling out, so much as it's getting damaged by environmental factors. i'm pretty convinced that the answer is undoing the effects of the chronic dry air (and pollution) via hydration...

but, it's probably, ultimately, another argument to get out of this city.

but, for now, i'm back to work for the night, and probably the week. i don't expect to go anywhere until around the 10th or so, when i'll need to go out and pick up some more estrogen.