i'm going to lay this down.

something i want to change this year (and i don't usually do that, but i've been thinking about this for a bit and it's kind of a coincidence with the time of year) is minimizing the amount of time i spend arguing on the internet. that's not the amount of time i spend reading, or discussing, or conversing or even debating - it's arguing, with people that i don't agree with and that i'm never going to agree with.

i've wasted a lot of time doing this in the past. not just here on facebook, but on forums and newsgroups. i mean, this goes back almost twenty years now. what it actually is is a bad habit, bordering into an addiction. when i say the time is wasted, i mean that quite literally. yet, i felt i had more time to waste in the past than i feel i do now.

i've actually taken a number of steps over the last few months that are slowly converting this into a one-way flow of information. i'm not there yet, and don't want to push myself there; it might even reverse. yet, i feel it's given me back some time to spend on music and reading things that aren't related to debating or trolling.

why do we debate on the internet, anyways? i have three answers that i think are true in varying amounts:

(1) it helps us form our own opinions. for me, that's actually the dominant thing. and it's not really about challenging myself, it's more about going over the same points over and over and working out the bugs. in the sense that the debate is a challenge, it's a challenge to see the ideas from different input variables. for the most part, i'm talking over the person i'm debating with. those that have debated with me or seen me debate know this is true. there's no real consideration on my behalf that i might actually be wrong. (well, if i make a factual error, i'm known to correct myself, but that's not what i mean).

(2) it's an opportunity to learn. that is to say that it directs research topics in a way that is lively and organic. it's not a reading list somebody is pushing down from above. i find this does drive me, but it's also the biggest reason i want to reclaim the time. at this point, i've constructed a reading list for myself and the debating is getting in the way...

(3) ego. but, believe it or not, it's not that strong a force for me. my debating tone can be brutally condescending, but that's far less about how i interpret myself than may be initially apparent (and those who know me know my ego is not powerful. i'm actually driven by a super-ego that seems to be extra-terrestrial in origin.).

i just feel i've exhausted the possibilities with (1). i've had every debate that the internet offers so many times that i'm no longer working things out. it's consequently become sort of boring for me. in conjunction with the feeling that it's getting in the way of my productivity, that presents the aforementioned context of feeling as though i'm engaging in a bad habit that needs to be corrected.

i dunno. maybe i'll switch it around. maybe i'll be the nicest person ever on the internet and an impossible tyrant irl. maybe i'll lose my release. or maybe i'll channel it back into my guitar. who knows...

what i know is that this is not the beginning of this slow winding down. i'm several months into a process that will likely accelerate with the new year.