first draft release of inri094

this is the alternate vocal version of my still incomplete 8th record. the official version of the 8th record is inri093.

tracks 1-3 are essentially done, up to final touches. track 4 needs to be rebuilt to include a removed vocal version. track 5 remains incomplete.

writeup to follow.

these tracks were written over 2002-2004 and reapproached in many phases from 2005-2022 before they were finally completed. as always, please use headphones.

disc one:

1. reflections (ep mix)

2. all you need (condensed mix)

3. interplanetary isomorphism (butterfly mix)

disc two:

4. xenophanes (vocal mix)

5. needlessly neurotic (vocal mix)

released october 31, 2004

j - electric & acoustic & classical guitars, digital & analog effects & processing, ebow, electric bass guitar, electric mandolin, synthesizers, digital piano, electric air reed organ, flute, orchestral & other sequencing, drum & other programming, live drums, bowls, claps, tables, percussion, washing machine, sound design, cool edit synthesis, generative programming (sounder), granular synthesis, soundscaping, loops, sampling, digital wave editing, voice, composition, production. more instrumentation is certain to follow as the recording completes.

"reflections" was written on megan's grand piano, but played into my computer using her old digital piano as a controller, which was, at the time, in my bedroom. i also borrowed megan's bass to record the middle part of "xenophanes". i played sarah's drum kit and sampled the result for "interplanetary isomorphism" and "xenophanes" because it was just sitting around, unused, in the living room. melissa's mini classical guitar, which was left in the apartment, was used for "interplanetary isomorphism".

sean does not appear on this recording, either as a performer or as a writer, but two of the sections of "reflections" were built on top of ideas that were inspired by suggestions he made regarding ideas for rabit is wolf songs.

2022 ytd temp archive

monday, january 10, 2022

inri076

so, i'm going to start doing something a little different, which is mass mailing completed recordings. 

let's get the link in first:

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/all-you-need

this isn't intended to be a detailed updates list, just a notification that the package is finished. i've tended to avoid doing this sort of "spamming", but i've at this point lost touch with virtually everybody i used to know, and i've stopped using social media altogether, so there isn't a feed to post it to. i've really retreated strictly to email and strictly to total isolation.

if you don't want to receive these updates - which i would not expect to be frequent - then ask me to remove you from my address book. it's a housekeeping process in that sense, as well. i will maintain a bcc.

the context is that, since i moved to windsor, i've been focusing on finishing a large body of musical projects dated 1996-2011 that were left in a partly or mostly incomplete state. inri076 means it's the 77th (starting from 0) recording in the catalogue, but inri075 is not done yet and inri079-inri081 are done. finishing inri075, inri077 and inri078 will take me to the end of what i'm calling period 3.1, which is materially initially started between 2003-2004. period 1 is from 1996-2000 and was completed in 2016. period 2 is from 2000-2003 and was completed in 2015, but updated in 2017. i was working on the written component of my discography between 2018-2020, and fighting with old, finnicky gear. 

inri076 is an expansion and completion of the first piece that was recorded when i got back from british columbia in mid 2003 and now forms an extended conceptual double ep. the second and third tracks were recorded in 2003, whereas the first and sixth were recently created in 2021. the fourth and fifth combine parts from 2003 with parts from 2021. this recording is intentionally difficult and esoteric. the album version will appear on my next record.

as this is the first of these, i'll also point out that inri081, which is my 7th lp, was finally finished in june, from material started between 2001-2004 and completed from 2014-2021:

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/ftaa

also, my sixth lp (inri063) was completed in 2015, from material started between 2001-2002 and completed from 2014-2015:

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj-2

...my fifth lp (inri052) was completed in 2014, from material started between 2000-2001 and completed from 2014-2015:

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj

...my fourth lp (inri041), completed in late 2000, was remixed in 2014:

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/deny-everything

...my third lp (inri033) has actually not been altered since it's completion in 1999 (except to remove the last track, now on the outtakes compilation, inri042):

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inridiculous

...my second lp (inri021), initially created in 1999, was remastered from scratch as an instrumental recording over 2015-2016:

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inriched

...and my first lp (inri015), initially created in 1998, was also remastered from scratch as an instrumental recording over 2015-2016:

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-3

i will be working on inri077 next, which is a collection of demos from late 2003 that were initially recorded on a 4-track cassette deck and were never completed.

j

0:47

publishing inri076

period 2 ends when i left for bc with sarah, and period 3 begins when i got back, after having left her in her home town on the way home, and with the previous recording (inri075) acting as a bridge between the two periods. so, this begins period 3, which was a time of great uncertainty and instability in my life that ends only when i move into a new apartment on bronson in early 2007. 

that said, what the trivial group project documents, in hindsight, is the period where sarah existed in my life as a physical and emotional entity, which really starts back around inri064 and culminates, in it's iniital phase, in the last recording of period 2, the reflections ep (inri074), so, the story is also picking up a part of the way through. while essentially none of my music up to this point had a romantic slant, and the political themes will pick up again when sarah is no longer a physical or emotional entity in my life, she was really the dominant influence on my mental state over period 3, and these recordings are consequently almost entirely about her, in some abstraction or another. 

we didn't stay in bc long when we got there. as mentioned, we didn't really have a plan, other than to get there and hope it worked out. but, i think the reason we didn't have a plan is partly because we had our own plans and were kind of using each other to get there; my plan, which i don't think i ever told her, was that i was looking for a place to transition in, and i suspect she was ultimately looking for a home to wreck, figuratively speaking. but, the lessons from the grapes of wrath, which i had read as child, became more and more apparent as i stumbled through the okanagan valley, and the depth of the mistake i had made in leaving a comfortable existence in ottawa started to become apparent to me. i certainly needed to find some way out of the empty, "normal" existence my family was trying to push on me, but i wasn't going to find it in these rolling fields of sage, or in these camp fire orgies of the lost and dispossessed. i didn't know what to do next, or how to assert some kind of meaning in the emptiness of ubiquitous market capitalism, but i knew i needed to go home to sort it out - and i knew the value of stability, for perhaps the first time in my life. 

so, i'm actually the one that decided to go home, and i didn't expect her to follow me. but, she did. 

there's a story she told me years later, and i came to realize that it had a lasting effect on her that i wasn't aware of at the time. after an argument about monogamy (one of many...) outside of a work camp near osoyoos, i told her i was leaving her there for good and stormed off down the road. i quickly hitched a ride towards penticton, where i was strongly considering transitioning, and didn't intend to come back. that was that: bye, sarah. 

but, rather than go to penticton, i stopped in oliver, and hitched back the other way, instead. i found myself in the position of needing to reconsider my course of action: i couldn't just leave her there, i had to go back to get her. when i got back to osoyoos, i found her in exactly the same spot that i had left her, roughly eight hours earlier. she told me she just froze solid - she was overcome with fear, and didn't know how to proceed, however many thousands of kilometres from home. she was sure i'd come back. so, she waited for me, and just passed the time by picking wild sage in the fields. 

so, maybe that's why she followed me home, in the end, after i followed her so far away from home, to begin with. 

one of the last stops on the way back was in newmarket, ontario, where we got into a shouting match minutes before we got into the last car. we didn't talk on the way back to ottawa; she got off in her home town, and i kept going. it was mutually understood that the relationship was over. 

i still remember the date in late june when i got back to ottawa, getting off the queensway just before fisher, hobbling down the ramp, walking by the civic hospital (and bumming a smoke outside it), smelling the experimental farm again for the first time in months and collapsing on the couch when i got in, for a very long sleep, for the first time in some time. my dad, always one for sardonic jokes, woke me up by blaring the classic kansas tune, carry on my wayward son, on his high end stereo system. 

so, that is the context for this song, which was written and recorded over the summer of 2003 (my files are all dated to august 30th and 31st, when i seem to have reset the volume for the purpose of remixing it), as i was facing my first time away from sarah in roughly a year and struggling with the separation. i was undergoing a conflict between my brain (which told me to get away from this girl because she's bad news) and my hormones (which were experiencing symptoms of attachment) which i had undergone many times previously and would undergo many times again. it's not an exaggeration to suggest that sarah sort of drove me crazy, that she sort of broke my brain a little. i can only hope that the resulting art is substantive, as best as i can present it. 

but, if it's not clear, the song is intended to be darkly sarcastic. the reference is to "all you need is love", but it's a warped one, and the influence is "love will tear us apart, again". what i'm reflecting upon is the state of delusion that we enter into when our faculties for reason become degraded by the intoxicating influence of hormones. it's really a state of impaired thinking that should be seen as psychotropic - we should talk about being under the influence of love, of being inebriated by oxytocin. a person that is truly in love could have their heart ripped out in front of them as they're breathing, and not be able to react coherently to it, as it's happening. this is a dangerous chemical, indeed. 

it may come off as intentionally defiant, but it's intended to be unintentionally deluded. 

i saw sarah a few times that summer. she called me on canada day, and i biked out to her home town to see her on her birthday, a few weeks later. but, i was lonely that summer without her, and that is really what the song is expressing. i hope that the guitar part is particularly expressive. 

the initial intent was for the first part of the song to be this sarcastic commentary on the concept of love, and for it to open up into a sort of dance punk thing (i guess it sounds like john mcentire remixing the strokes) that represents the shift away from feeling and the shift into numbness and obliviousness, but i separated out and shelved the first part because it was just too difficult. so, the second part of the song - into oblivion - is a first draft of the interplanetary isomorphism, a 33 minute symphonic piece and the first part - all you need - has been a stranded demo, since 2003. 

is the first part really that difficult? well, if you can find me a more raw piece of music, i'd like to hear it. but, 20 years later, that's an asset more than a drawback. i mean, it still hurts a little to listen to it, but i can listen to it at more of a distance, now, and realize the artistic value of it. so, the point of this is in large part to salvage something that has always had value but was previously a little too raw for me to share. 

in mid 2021, i remixed the first part - all you need - to turn the vocals down a little. unfortunately, some of the sarcasm ends up lost in the new mix, but it sounds a lot better and i'm happier with it. i think the sarcasm is heavy enough to not require the use of tone to demonstrate it, but the initial mix makes the sarcasm in the line "yeah. all you need is love." quite a bit more apparent. 

in early 2022, to salvage the concept and complete the recording, i added a lengthy "soul swap" piece to the beginning of the track. this stems from a number of discussions i had with sarah where she tried to convince me that she would make a better jessica than i would and that i should go back to jason, something that perhaps ended up being sort of accurate (in terms of her being a better jessica). i can't know how much that thought guided sarah in the years to come, and she wouldn't admit it to me if it were true because she'd realize it would upset me, but that's the idea, here. of course, we don't actually have souls and can't actually swap them, although i'd love to shapeshift into a new host as this one becomes old and unusable. it's strictly a poetic suggestion, to extrapolate on the idea that sarah and i, in some ways, changed places. i don't know how long a soul swap ought to take, but i made it lengthy enough to be a difficult piece of music, and tried to present what i imagine it ought to sound like. so, yes, the 40+ minutes of noise flipping stereo positions is meant to abstractly represent the sound of souls changing hosts, however absurd the idea may be in real life. the female channel in the soul swap was also isolated and added to the end of the collection as a 40+ minute drone piece, as it has an aesthetic interest on it's own. 

i also wanted to reclaim the piece as a segue between the 8th symphony (reflections) and the 9th symphony (interplanetary isomorphism) for the trivial group double cd, which meant removing the vocals and manipulating the soul swap so that it is of a length that fits on the first cd. but, then, i decided i should also have a vocal version of the album construction. so, these tracks were added to close the disc a few days after the soul swap was built. 

unfortunately, i got into a fight with my stepmother in the fall of 2003 and could no longer stay there, something that may be a consequence of leaving over that summer and assuming i could just come back. i was only back in town for a few months before i was thrown out, something that i'll pick up on in the writeup for inri077. so, this is the sum total of material worked on in my parents' basement when i got back from bc before i got thrown out, completed in 2021/2022 to be a standalone conceptual ep, and a component of my next full length record. 

initially written and recorded over the summer of 2003. track 2 was remixed on june 14, 2021. tracks 1 and 6 were created on the morning of january 3rd, 2022 from the base of an aborted noise piece that was last edited in early 2004 and contained samples of the recording of all you need. tracks 4 and 5 were created on the evening of january 9th, 2022. released as a two volume set on jan 9, 2022. as always, please use headphones. 

the album version also appears on my ninth record, {e} (inri08x): jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/e 

the condensed version also appears on the fundamental theorem of poeticity: 

jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/the-fundamental-theorem-of-poeticity 

this recording is a part of the following collections: 

1) flac dvd disc vol 7 

2) mp3 dvd vol 3 

3) trivial group box set 

4) blu ray disc vol 2 

5) period 3 

this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (2003, 2015, 2017). 

disc one: 

1. soul swap 

2. all you need 

3. into oblivion (initial construction) 

4. all you need (album mix) 

disc two: 

5. all you need (condensed) 

6. her 

released september 1, 2003

j - electric guitars, effects, electric mandolin, analog synthesizers, drum programming, sound design, tone generators, cool edit synthesis, digital sampling, digital wave editing, vocals, production, composition

21:40

friday, january 14, 2022

wait, is this my fault?

https://oxykitten.bandcamp.com/album/attack-of-the-koala-people

19:57

??? august 30, 2022

the nature of the internet is changing.

i've recently spent a lot of time editing posts here, under the realization that the writing is being altered somewhere deep on the backend. there is no way for me to prove this and i am unable to prevent it from happening.

google is also changing how it functions. i've always known that all of these services exist to extract data for advertisers, who are the actual consumers. that no longer seems to be enough for google, which is slowly beginning to charge for services and place ads on everything, whether people like it or not. it's also moving to random deletion for people that haven't purchased storage, for files that it deems are not in use. this is potentially catastrophic. in the long run, it indicates that this isn't a safe place to leave your data, unless you want to buy cloud space, which isn't even possible after you're dead. my expectation that this site would stay here for centuries as a time capsule would be something google is taking active steps to prevent from happening. expect google to get more aggressive about enforcing paywalls. you will probably even see paywalls come up at gmail.

it's not a question of whether i can afford to buy space here or not. while i won't pay to remove ads from youtube videos that i'm watching, i would in theory pay to remove ads from youtube videos that i upload for others to watch. this is ideological - i want the internet to be permanent and i want the internet to be free.

i don't know what the answer is, but there is increasingly not a way forwards in this space. the company hosting the space is actively scrubbing it with the eventual intent of putting ads on it; this is what i've deduced is actually happening, as i search for a motive in the edits. i would not accept the imposition of those ads; i would take the site down immediately. we're likely at the same kind of impasse that we had in the late 90s, when domains like fortunecity and geocities just evaporated as their free tiers started getting lathered with ads. i'm realizing i'm too reliant on google and need to find some way to prevent my data from being destroyed by paywalls, or getting deleted in one click when i'm dead.

the real function of the online front-end of this site is the search function on the side. the layout is efficient, but i can emulate it or get around it. what i would find almost impossible to do at any other site is that tree archive. the end format that this writing will exist in is not this blog, and that has not been my intent for some time. the end format is a linearly ordered journal in pdf format that you can download as a file, if you want. while you could search a directory of pdf files, the tree layout then becomes both a liability and an asset, because it's all written entirely backwards. it's helpful to pinpoint, but only to the point of finding the day.

this is a hard problem and i need to think about it. i have some ideas, though.

moving to microsoft or facebook would actually be less useful, and it wouldn't solve the problem of insecure data storage. nor do i want to put up a paywall like a site like substack does. i don't write "newsletters", i scrawl out thoughts; this isn't a magazine to be paid for, it's notes to be thought about, and it's mostly stream of consciousness, at that. i'm not a journalist. at best, i'm an essayist. really, i'm just a nerd. i suspect that many of the people that thought they could make substack into a job are now regretting it, but, again, that's not actually the point. sites like this that are just hosting things to read should be available entirely for free.

you're not the audience here, anyways. i write for the future. my audience isn't born yet; they'll want the pdfs. if i can't maintain the integrity of the data here, i'll have to find somewhere else to store it.

something i've been doing recently is combined posts where i put time stamps on the constituent posts that combine to build up the larger posts. these have been focused ideas, but if i were to generalize it, i'd get something like a digest. if i were then to write everything offline and only post a digest at the end of the day or the end of the week, instead of thousands of posts a month, i could maintain the basic functionality of the site while having a more reliable storage solution to maintain the integrity of the data from backend editing by governments, corporations or advertising executives. i tried to do this once before but i found it was actually more time consuming because i was constantly copying things back and forth. if i restrict the amount of posting to this blog to the digests, that should resolve that problem, and also allow me to actually post the journals as journals in other places in something closer to real time.

i am going to experiment with this approach a little and see how it goes. if i stick with it, the end result will be one post here at the end of each day. 

???

thursday, september 1, 2022

i've changed the settings on the blog so that it only displays one post per page. for now, it will front post the "internet is changing" post, which will eventually be backposted to the aug 30th digest. the reason i'm doing this is to ensure that the page is more directly navigable. right now, it will seem "broken"; in the long run, once the new format works it's way in, the forward and backward buttons will create a more readable, linear blog that is organized in digests that are better navigable by day.

when this is working properly, suppose that the front page has the digest for sept 20th, 2022. if i hit "previous posts", which i suspect nobody does, it will go directly to the digest for sept 19th. if i hit previous posts again, it will strictly show sept 13th. this will undo the backwards posting problem that is endemic to social media, which has long bothered me (see my twitter page fore a satire of it).

2:08

i need to temporarily break my silence.

i do hope that gorbachev's funeral is open casket.

3:44

it turns out that the downside of the scotch bonnets is that my hands are left viciously burning for hours after handling them.

i don't want to waste large amounts of plastic repeatedly discarding gloves for the single use of handling hot peppers. i've just been going commando on them. we'll see what else i can think of. i suppose i always have a few plastic bags on their way to the recycle drying in the sink. i could just reuse the same one over and over and put it in the freezer. yeah, that sounds like an easy answer, actually.

like, i want to wash my face right now, and i can't. i can barely even type. yet, i'm not tired. so, what to do, exactly?

9:33

another frequent undesired edit that i'm seeing as i archive posts here for better data integrity in storage is the replacement of assyria with babylon. i am sure i wouldn't make that mistake, as i understand the words i'm using (and the editor obviously doesn't, but is rather being driven by fuzzy, racist ideas of semitic supremacy through the perverse filter of ethnic nationalism).

the semitic babylonians had a different culture and religion than the non-semitic (and apparently caucasian) sumerians, and they clearly had a different language and were clearly of a different race, but they largely built their society on top of the existing sumerian one. while there are definite destruction horizons in both the archaeological record and the historical record (as we can reconstuct it from ancient cuneiform tablets), babylonian culture was largely developed out of continuity from sumerian culture, so there is a definite process of succession. i'm very clear to point that out and speak of it in those terms, especially in regards to the astronomy, which is about the only thing i really care about in regards to sumeria or babylonia.

the assyrians were half-literate barbarians that took over some cities in the north by the force of violence and created a brutal, draconian dictatorship responsible for immense destruction and widespread genocide. while the babylonians existed in succession to sumeria, the assyrians destroyed what was left of sumerian culture and substituted a wide-ranging dark age in it's place. the destruction of babylon by assyria was probably worse, in terms of data loss, than the destruction of baghdad by the mongols and is the direct reason we know so little about ancient sumeria beyond what we can reconstruct through fragments of clay found in abandoned 3000 year old buildings.

while the assyrians and babylonians were both semitic peoples, and that may be all that matters to the editor, you really can't substitute one for the other. one was an advanced civilization built on top of the alpha cradle of civilization, while the other was a barbaric monstrosity that ultimately completely destroyed it. the compare and contrast essay needs to be about the contrast.

the editor uses the term "babylon" in a vague, colloquial sense that implies a strictly judaic religious context. this isn't somebody with much understanding of secular history or the science of archaeology, but somebody that gets their naive "understanding" of history entirely from religious mythology. all the editor understands about babylon is what is written about it by the cultural conservatives that wrote the hebrew bible.

by switching to offline writing for data storage, i hope i can get around this unwanted editing to the point that i can actually prove it's happening. as stated repeatedly, all i can find is consistency in the emails, which are supposed to act as data redundancy, even when it comes to posts that i'm certain were edited. i've convinced myself this is happening by tricking the system, but it doesn't let me prove it (yet.), as it is self-correcting in my own editing to create a false, projected reality of manipulated stasis. worse, it's driving me bonkers trying to prove my writing is being altered, and being unable to do so. i'm either correct, or i've lost my mind; the fact that i'm lucid suggests the former.

i'm going to catch them soon, i'm sure of it. it will be easy enough to run the two sources through a diffchecker, but i can't do that when everything is online and nothing is certain, as a consequence of it; i can neither have confidence in the integrity of the emails, nor in the integrity of the blog posts, as accurate alpha sources. proving that corruption is happening requires having a source i can trust the integrity of.

for now, note yet another example of clear manipulation in the editor's confused use of assyria and babylonia as interchangeable terms, due to ignorance resulting from the racism that results from the supremacy inherent to ethnic nationalism.

10:21

glasnost.

 

11:38

11:51

i would support the existence of the climate police. that sounds like a great idea, if you ask me.

i mean, you're serious about this, or you're not. the reality is that pollution is a crime against humanity and that there should be an enforcement mechanism to enforce that reality. a climate police would be a proportionate, reasonable response to the challenge we face; conversely, tax cuts for the rich to try to influence their behaviour followed by slaps on the wrist for non-compliance in the name of "freedom" is not reasonable or proportionate, and is not taking the situation nearly seriously enough.

when somebody proposes a solution that might actually work, the government feels the need to debunk the idea. it's reflective of where we actually are as a society on this, and what the set of likely outcomes actually is.

if we're going to have police, this is exactly what they should be doing. instead, we send people out with guns to enforce property rights that allow people to pollute. we'll get what we deserve for it, in the end.

reference:
"environment canada says online reports of 'climate police' are false", cbc news, sept 1, 2022

19:29

an ye harm none, do what ye will

ok.

not only does pollution not harm none, but pollution harms all. it is not a lesser crime deserving of a lesser punishment, or merely a behavioural problem worthy of scolding, as one does a child; it is the worst type of crime that is deserving of the most severe penalties, and the most egregious form of anti-social behaviour, indicative of a severe deficit of basic decency and a depravity of character of the most irredeemable quality.

climate police are a wonderful idea. let's do it right away.

20:07

so, this is day one of the new digest format. i hope my intent is a little more clear. i have this stored in both doc and html format in a secret location, which will make it easier to print to pdf in a 5x8" format for journal publication, or viewed on a pc or laptop. throw your phone in the garbage.

what am i doing with the recent posts that i don't trust the integrity of?

first, i'm taking it all down. then, i'm copying it over to the secret location. after that, i'll need to inspect it, probably rewrite the bulk of it and eventually repost it. it will come up in a 5x8" printable format as i repost it.

this process won't be very fast, and the last few months of posts might consequently be offline for a long time.

it is worth noting, though, that i'll be updating the other blogs now as digests as well.

23:43

friday, september 2, 2022

so, that's now updated for the day.

today's digests include one 2-3 page post for the following blogs:

1) the dsdfghghfsdflgkfgkja politics/general blog, which has recently been the only blog i've been posting to. almost everything gets posted to that blog, with the exception of very targeted posts to the music blogs. this is listed as "rants" in the list on the side of the page.
2) the deathtokoalas "music review" blog, as it is listed on the side. this is a general cultural commentary blog that also features some sporadic commentary on lighter news sources. i included the posts on climate change and the historical analysis for the reason that these topics frequently overlap with cultural discussions from well known authors (although the post in question does not), and that qualifies as cultural commentary. my decision tree on this is rather complicated and there's going to be a lot of ambiguity around it. the only post i removed from this digest was the analysis of the recent ukrainian tactic of destroying infrastructure around the dnieper as a scorched earth policy to attempt to slow the russian advance into the rest of ukraine. this blog would generally exclude specifically political commentary or analysis, like statistical analysis of polling results, which was the real basis of separating it out, as i wanted my political and cultural commentaries split into different streams. in better times, it was directed at actual music reviews. i don't really know how much of an interest i have in that, moving forwards, but i have always had a sort of a hitchensian gossip streak and this blog will at the least allow for that.
3) the peculiar adventures of j, or the travel blog, as it is listed on the side, which was supposed to be the blog i used to narrate events in real-time while i was out with my chromebook in order to quarantine my main account from insecure networks but has instead become a general geography blog since i had to move to the chromebook for general network access, which led to me merging the two accounts. the scope of the blog has had to increase to be self-contained, but the idea is that this blog recollects events that occur somewhere outside, in the real world, from a first-person perspective. it isn't always, but it's supposed to be a little more narrative based. all posts posted to the general blog today were also posted to the travel blog, which may seem weird, but it just happened to be that all of the posts on this day fit into one of the categories that this blog touches upon. on other days, posting to this blog may be quite light.

i will not normally describe the contents of digest updates in detail, but this is a good opportunity to repost what the purpose of the various blogs is. i'm in the process of finally reconstructing my typing station, so it is time to get back to normal posting schedules at all of the various blogs. this systems collapse has been lengthy and deep, but i am rectifying it, even as i'm convinced i'm still under extreme surveillance, despite not understanding why.

there are a number of blogs that were not updated today:

- the inri records blog is intended to mirror my music archive at bandcamp. this has been left stranded for a while now, but i should be back to it shortly.
- the current music blog is a music journal that is maintained in order to document my recording process for future generations and is consequently only active when i am actually recording. soon. i hope.
- j's journal is the blog written from my perspective when i was a young child as a vehicle to explain influences on my musical development, while growing up. i will need to aggressively get back to writing this very shortly. i have just realized that the formatting on it has annoyingly broken for a second time, so i'll need to fix that, first. the first time, i just needed to clear cookies, so maybe it's not so bad.
- the alter-reality is the journal written from my perspective as a teenager, which is when my recording career first began. i will need to finish the childhood journal before i get back to that.
- the music timeline was created in order to replace my facebook music page, because i actually liked the timeline feature which got buried and destroyed by successive facebook updates, and remains a work in progress. the only reason i didn't delete my facebook page in 2013 is that i liked the timeline, as a way to present data historically.

4) as of right now, i have added a new blog on the side called the "diet blog". today's digest only includes one post to this new blog, about scotch bonnet peppers. this blog will eventually be constructed to include all of the posts that have been posted to the general blog about my diet, starting at the end of 2020. i may or may not decide to backdate this blog, but the intent is that it starts in late 2020 and runs until i have attained dietary perfection.

i served a document this morning and will need to get to the court house today to swear an affidavit for it. i will otherwise be continuing the archiving process overnight.

3:03

i didn't even know that blogger had a feed until now. i don't expect i'll use it, but it's helpful to know it's there. i've lost all interest in reading feeds.

i don't know why anybody would post to facebook or twitter at this point when they could post to blogger instead, if what they want is a place to archive posts and debate ideas (i have comments turned off here because i attract the worst kinds of trolls, but i actively encourage you to start a debate with me over email, with the expectation that i will post the result here at the conclusion of the discourse). i mean, i understand why people would use facebook as an instant messaging service, but i don't understand why anybody would actually post a message to facebook at this point and i don't understand the attraction to twitter at all.

the larger user base is a benefit, no doubt, but the reality is that there are many sites with large user bases today and no one site has the monopoly on a large user base that some once feared that facebook might end up with. user bases and active user bases are not the same thing, and active user bases will fluctuate over time. this sounds obvious, but a new site can build both users and active users if it has features that active users find attractive - that's been thoroughly demonstrated, and the fear of inertia once held by many has really been thoroughly debunked as unfounded. you need a catch, granted - we don't need 27 different facebooks and sites will fail if they just redesign facebook - but that has been less difficult to actualize than was once thought. the argument that you need to go to where the users are due to fear that they won't migrate made sense a few years ago when people were still a little less active online, but it's been demonstrated at this point that people will use multiple platforms simultaneously, so there's certainly room for many platforms in the world without the need for them to engage in direct competition. what competition means in social networking is still somewhat unclear. you don't have to delete your facebook page to start a blog, nor are people as siphoned off by sitewalls as it was once feared they might be. i'm stating that i don't know why anybody would use facebook as a blog when they could have an actual blog instead, but what i'm really getting across is that there's no actual competition, as you really can't use facebook as a blog. so, why isn't blogger full of traffic, then?

i state this while i'm typing into a word processor to avoid censorship, but i'm a unique case; i wouldn't expect this is a widespread activity on behalf of google or is happening to very many other people, and i'd suspect that facebook and microsoft are under the same coercive pressures that google is to ensure that the scrubbing is comprehensive. facebook is so locked down, i can't even post there; it's like trying to have a debate in a fucking church. youtube won't let you post the word gorilla. i've long considered google the least likely suspect for destructive censorship, but i have to acknowledge that this couldn't be happening if they weren't allowing it to happen, even if it's being pushed down on them from a government, rather than a decision made internally. there is a substantive difference between how google and facebook approach the issue in their legal documents, and i don't think that's for show, i think it reflects different organizational priorities. the reality is that they've been far less aggressive than other platforms when it comes to enforcing destructive censorship, but it's not possible that what i'm sure is happening could be actually happening without cooperation from the server admins. it's not possible to explain how email in my inbox is being edited in place, otherwise.

google has just not been good at social networking, and it's never been entirely clear why. the product has always been dramatically superior. maybe they're just not seen as 'cool', but if that's the case, they should embrace it. there's always going to be a market for people that want to type essays somewhere, rather than people that want to watch cat videos, even if it's inherently smaller. i can't build a site like this on facebook.

i'm no fan of elon musk, but i sympathized with his logic in trying to buy twitter, even if i don't think twitter is the right platform for what he was trying to protect. twitter was intended to be a site to transmit succinctly phrased statements that are valuable for mere moments, running from stupid catchphrases and slogans to carefully worded business english. it's great for, like, stock trading, or as an emergency notification system, but it's garbage for actual discourse. the town square musk was imagining does exist and is blogger.

unfortunately, like our actual town squares, blogger is mostly empty and void of substantive discourse. it's here if we want to use it, but perhaps the truth is that we don't. regardless, it should be maintained, like our empty town squares are, and perhaps mr. musk may want to inquire as to what google intends to do with blogger, moving forwards.

the site may not have the largest user base, but the users it does have are unlikely to migrate any time soon and it will always attract people that want to actually type, in the deficit of other places to do so.

3:33

maybe he should abolish the house of commons and replace it with a twitter account. this is the obvious deduction from the brevity of business english enforced by twitter: if you can't fit the legislation in a tweet, it's clearly too complicated and needs to be shortened up. stop wasting your time with elaborate thoughts - subsume yourself within the succinctness of the despotic brevity of the ubiquitous tweet. submit.

wait, though. isn't that what the last president tried to do?

reference:
"pierre polievre promises new law against government jargon", ctv news, sept 1, 2022

3:49

"gummamint's for regular talkin', not for fancy talkin'"

3:55

no, i'm not like john galt

you fucking idiots.

i feel more like winston smith.

6:54

first draft release of inri085

the write-up for the record has been corrupted and will need to be corrected.

the purpose of inri085 is to provide an alternate 2xlp for inri052/inri063 to complete the sequence of alternate 2xlp sets, but while these records contain material written from 2000-2002, they were not completed and constructed until 2014 and 2015, and as such do not have original release forms to reconstruct. what i can do instead is compile the tracks in such a way that they are maximal in every way, relative to the year 2002.

all of these tracks were initially incomplete demos recorded from 2000-2002; some of them had sean singing on the initial demos and some of them did not. all of these tracks (except stress) were completed as instrumental recordings over 2014-2015 and compiled into my 5th and 6th records, which were then  backdated to 2001 and 2002. 

for this recording, the following things were done:

1) stuck in the middle..., a midi demo from late 2000 that was completed in 2014, was replaced with a vocal version created in 2017 (after avoiding one in 2014)

2) the intersection..., a midi demo initially from 1998 and initially on inri015, was replaced with the maximal version remixed for inri015 in 2016

3) to spin..., a guitar & drum machine demo from 2001 that was completed in 2014, may be replaced with a vocal mix. i am resisting this.

4) clarity, fuck boxes and time (unstuck) were initially rabit is wolf demos with sean singing that were started and left unfinished from late 2001 to early 2002. these tracks were remixed from source to exclude sean's vocals and then completed as jjjjjjjjj tracks over late 2014. for this compilation, sean's vocals gave been mixed back into the versions that were created over late 2014. 

5) untitled, a midi demo from mid 2002 that was completed over 2014 and 2015, was replaced with a maximal guitar concerto remix created in 2017. 

6) lalalala, a rabit is wolf idea from late 2002 that was left stranded until it was completed in early 2015, has been replaced with the vocal mix that was created at the same time as the album mix, in 2015.

the official final forms of these recordings remains in the almost instrumental inri052 and the totally instrumental inri063. however, this 2xlp set presents a novel alternate vocal mix of the record, in order to ensure that all official lp recordings (inri/inri015, inriched/inri021, inridiculous/inri033, deny everything/inri041, jjjjjjjjj/inri052, jjjjjjjjj^2/inri063, ftaa/inri081, {e}/inri093) have both official instrumental/sample-less and alternate vocal/sample-centric versions, updated relative to their final forms.

these tracks were written over 2000-2002, partially recorded in 2006, remastered or rebuilt from scratch over 2014-2017 and augmented and combined into this form in 2022. as always, please use headphones.

disc one (jjjjjjjjj/inri052, updated to include an alternate vocal mix of track 1 and the maximal remaster of track 7)

1. stuck in the middle of an alley closing in on all sides (2017 vocal mix)

2. little suite

3. the time machine

4. stress

5. preludio

6. the symphony of psilocybin induced madness

7. the intersection of two identical particles moving in completely opposite directions (2016 remaster)

8. existence 

disc two (jjjjjjjjj^2/inri063/updated to remix sean's vocals back into the finalized mixes of tracks 10, 11, 13,  to include the maximal remaster of track 14 and to include the single mix of track 15)

9. to spin inside dull aberrations

10. clarity (2022 vocal remix)*

11. fuck boxes (2022 vocal remix)*

12. time (running out)

13. time (unstuck) (2022 vocal remix)*

14. untitled (2017 oversaturated mix)

15. la la la la (single mix)

released june 16, 2004

j - guitars (electric, classical, acoustic), digital & analog effects & processing, electric bass guitar, orchestral & other sequencing, drum & other programming, drum manipulations, drum sampling, live electronic drum kit, electric piano, electric air reed organ, synthesizers, ring modulator, ebow, flute, sound design, sampling, vocals (1, 4, 15), voice (2, 11), digital wave editing, loops, equalization, production, composition.

sean - vocals (10, 11, 13), harmonica (10), co-writing (15)

greg - drum performance sample source (12 & 13)

the various rendered electronic orchestras include acoustic bass, electric bass, synth bass, distorted electric guitar, clean electric guitar, steel string acoustic guitar, nylon guitar, tuba, french horn, trumpet, trombone, english horn, brass ensemble, saxophone, oboe, orchestra hit, violin, cello, viola, contrabass, various full string sections, piano, synthesizers, mellotron, organ, bamboo flute, clarinet, bassoon, flute, voice, music box, agogo, tubular bells, bells, glockenspiel, koto, clavinet, kalimba, drum kit, hand drums, melodic toms, timpani, drum machines, orchestral drum set and electronic drums. it also includes choir.

first draft release of inri084

the write-up for the record has been corrupted and will need to be corrected.

the purpose of inri084 is to provide alternate sample collage versions of the now instrumental inri041 & inri081, in the forms they were initially released in in 2000 and 2004, but updated to include the most maximal mixes of all tracks possible, relative to the year 2022. all tracks are returned to their original forms, except that ignorance is bliss has been replaced with the maximal 2017 version (that includes all components of the two different interpretations of the track) and trepanation nation has been rebuilt to reintegrate the removed samples. the 2021 reconstruction of like divine amoebas was done to remove a click in the original build. the official final forms of these recordings remains in the instrumental inri041 and almost instrumental inri081. however, this 2xlp set retains the original construction, projected forward into a maximal reinterpretation, of these records as collections of sample collages, in order to ensure that all official lp recordings (inri/inri015, inriched/inri021, inridiculous/inri033, deny everything/inri041, jjjjjjjjj/inri052, jjjjjjjjj^2/inri063, ftaa/inri081, {e}/inri093) have both official instrumental/sample-less and alternate vocal/sample-centric versions, updated relative to their final forms.

these tracks were written over 1999-2004, partially remastered in spurts (2004, 2006, 2007, 2009, 2014), partially rebuilt in late 2017, in mid 2021 and again in 2022* and then recombined in this form in early 2022. these tracks require substantive volume to cut through the complexity of the mix; as always, please use headphones.

disc one (deny everything/inri041, updated to reintegrate removed vocals and samples)

1. ignorance is bliss (2017 maximal mix)

2. entropy (original 1999 sample mix)

3. curious george (original 2000 sample mix)

4. gravity's rainbow

5. a commercial break

6. acidosis

7. life goes on

disc two (ftaa/inri081, updated to reintegrate removed samples) 

8. like divine amoebas (2021 rebuild)

9. give 'em hell (original 2001 mix)

10. strung out (original 2001 mix)

11. through the looking glass

12. trepanation nation (2022 sample mix reconstruction)*

released june 13, 2004

j- guitars (electric, classical, acoustic), digital & analog effects and processing, electric bass guitar, drum & other programming, orchestral & other sequencing, synthesizers, live drums, drum sample manipulation, vocals, live grand piano, piano programming, loops, films, noise generators, electric air reed organ, ebow, flute, mandolin, treatments, found sounds, sampling, sound design, generative synthesis, granular synthesis, generative percussion, light-sound synthesis, cool edit synthesis, cool edit sequencing, ring modulators, digital wave editing, composition, production, coughs, a broken equalizer, cover art

the star trek sample in 'gravity's rainbow' is from the episode "errand of mercy" (mar 23, 1967).

greg - drum performance sample source on track 12

sean - ring modulator on track 12

the acoustic guitar played on like divine amoebas belonged to heather

the rendered electronic orchestra includes piano, theremin, ukelele, orchestra hit, string ensemble, taiko drums, gongs, trumpet & sax.

publishing inri083

the write-up for the record has been corrupted and will need to be corrected.

the purpose of inri083 is to provide alternate vocal versions of the now instrumental inri032 & inri033, in the forms they were initially released in in late 1999, but updated to include final mixes of all tracks, relative to the year 2022 (in truth, 2017). inri032 no longer includes liquify (which was split off to inri031, and then eventually moved to inri042) but has been expanded to include all covers up to 1999; inri033 no longer includes book it, which was split off to inri034 and also eventually moved to inri042. the official final forms of these recordings remains in the instrumental inri032 and inri033. however, this 2xlp set retains the original tracklisting of these records, which were initially released close to each other near the end of 1999, in order to ensure that all official lp recordings (inri/inri015, inriched/inri021, inridiculous/inri033, deny everything/inri041, jjjjjjjjj/inri052, jjjjjjjjj^2/inri063, ftaa/inri081, {e}/inri093) have both official instrumental/sample-less and alternate vocal/sample-centric versions, updated relative to their final forms.

tracks 1, 9-19 are original creations. these tracks were written as far back as 1996, recorded in phases over 1996-1999, remastered over 2013-2017 and recombined in this form in early 2022. tracks 2-8 are remixes, covers, reinterpretations and/or something in between and were created over 1998/1999, edited into their current form in early 2014 and rearranged in the following order in 2022 to mimic the original tracklisting from the remixes & covers disc first compiled in late 1999. as always, please use headphones.

disc one (inrimake/inri032, with original tracklisting, updated to include final mixes and edits of all tracks):

1. liquify (single mix)

2. dirty magic

3. medicated to the one i love

4. inverted

5. hexonxonx

6. hummer

7. - 

8. the day inri messed the world up

disc two (inridiculous/inri033 with original tracklisting, updated to reintegrate the final book it mix):

9. jesus gets fucked on robitussin

10. drumk

11. gene-o's - a soundtrack for an italian breakfast cereal

12. slow down

13. pop music (a tribute to carbon dioxide)

14. superhappyfunsong

15. chemical warfare will burn off your nose hairs

16. the wonderful noise

17. tribute

18. eat my fuck

19. book it! (single mix)

released june 12, 2004

j - electric & acoustic guitars, analog & digital effects & processing, bass, keyboards, tapes, synthesizers, flute, live drums, piano, loops, drum programming, hammerhead (909 emulator), sound raider, vocals, sampling, cool edit synthesis, sequencing, noise generators, sound design, digital wave editing, digital effects processing, text-to-speech synthesis, remixes, reconstructions, reinterpretations, production

tracks 2-6, 8 written by the offspring, god lives underwater, tricil, skinny puppy, the smashing pumpkins and nine inch nails, respectively. tracks 3, 4, 5 and 8 contain reinterpreted samples of the original recordings. tracks 2-8 also all contain freshly recorded and written and/or improvised material, making them covers that include both original ideas and, in some cases, reinterpreted samples reintegrated into the track in the fashion of a then contemporary abstract remix. all of these tracks are difficult to properly categorize and all exist somewhere between a cover, a reinterpretation and a remix.

publishing inri082

the write-up for the record has been corrupted and will need to be corrected.

the purpose of inri082 is to provide alternate vocal versions of the now instrumental inri015 & inri021, in the forms they were initially released in in mid 1998 and early 1999, but updated to include final mixes of all tracks, relative to the year 2022 (in truth, 2016). inri021 no longer includes too cold (which was split off to inri026, and then eventually moved to inri042) or graphic porno, which was expelled to inri022. the official final forms of these recordings remains in the instrumental inri015 and inri021. however, this 2xlp set retains the original tracklisting of these records, in order to ensure that all official lp recordings (inri/inri015, inriched/inri021, inridiculous/inri033, deny everything/inri041, jjjjjjjjj/inri052, jjjjjjjjj^2/inri063, ftaa/inri081, {e}/inri093) have both official instrumental/sample-less and alternate vocal/sample-centric versions, updated relative to their final forms.

these tracks were written as far back as 1994, recorded in phases over 1996-1999, remastered over 2013-2017 and recombined in this form in early 2022. as always, please use headphones.

disc one (inri/inri015, updated to include vocal remixes of selected tracks, only):

1. on sexual confusion in adolescence (vocal mix)

2. a psycho kills a cow

3. schizoid terrorist

4. war

5. nope (vocal mix)

6. catchin' up

7. skaters

8. about a squirrel

9. i think i feel much better now

10. useless

11. swim

disc two (inriched/inri021, updated to include vocal remixes of selected tracks, only):

12. the harsh truth is that only idiots wish for happiness

13. hey god

14. nails (rejected extended hipster homophobia mix)

15. weedin' the yard

16. why (single mix)

17. relax

18. drive

19. circus

20. boogeyman (vocal mix)

21. too cold (single mix)

22. teenage jesus (vocal mix)

released june 10, 2004

j - guitars, effects, bass, bass synth, synthesizers, piano, octavers, drum programming, orchestral & other sequencing, sampling, vocal relics, mic noises, cool edit synthesis, windows 95 sound recorder, found sounds, paper crumbling, strategies, noise generators, soundraider, hammerhead, sound design,, light-wave synthesis, metronome, digital wave editing, loops, a broken tape deck, chance, production, vocals, lyrics

the rendered electronic orchestra includes piano, organ, electric guitar, orchestra hit, pizzicato strings, synth pads, violin, viola, cello, contrabass, electric bass, sitar, tubular bells, tinkle bells, synthesizer effects and flute.

inri077 left unfinished (temporary post)

the write-up of the record has been corrupted and will need to be corrected.

written & recorded in 2003. digitized over 2019-2021. completed in early and late 2022*. inri077. as always, please use headphones.

disc 1:

*01. quantum psychosis (uncut instrumental mix)

02. laced in remorse

*03. laced in remorse (2003 direct from tape mix)

*04. laced in remorse (2003 direct from tape mix) (split stereo)

05. laced in remorse (corrected direct from tape mix)

06. laced in remorse (instrumental tape tempo)

07. laced in remorse (tape tempo)

disc 2:

*08. laced in remorse (direct from tape) (tempo correction)

*09. laced in remorse (direct from tape) (split stereo) (tempo correction)

10. laced in remorse (corrected direct from tape mix) (tempo correction)

11. laced in remorse (instrumental)

released november 1, 2003

j - electric & acoustic guitars, effects, production

as this recording is meant to complete the four track demo that was left unfinished, synthesizer work and digital effects should be put aside until later.

the acoustic guitar played on this recording belonged to heather.

first draft release of inri089

third vocal compilation. tracks written 2000-2004, completed 2014-2022.  inri089. as always, please use headphones.

released september 1, 2004

j - writing and recording all sound

publishing inri076

period 2 ends when i left for bc with sarah, and period 3 begins when i got back, after having left her in her home town on the way home, and with the previous recording (inri075) acting as a bridge between the two periods. so, this begins period 3, which was a time of great uncertainty and instability in my life that ends only when i move into a new apartment on bronson in early 2007. 

that said, what the trivial group project documents, in hindsight, is the period where sarah existed in my life as a physical and emotional entity, which really starts back around inri064 and culminates, in it's iniital phase, in the last recording of period 2, the reflections ep (inri074), so, the story is also picking up a part of the way through. while essentially none of my music up to this point had a romantic slant, and the political themes will pick up again when sarah is no longer a physical or emotional entity in my life, she was really the dominant influence on my mental state over period 3, and these recordings are consequently almost entirely about her, in some abstraction or another. 

we didn't stay in bc long when we got there. as mentioned, we didn't really have a plan, other than to get there and hope it worked out. but, i think the reason we didn't have a plan is partly because we had our own plans and were kind of using each other to get there; my plan, which i don't think i ever told her, was that i was looking for a place to transition in, and i suspect she was ultimately looking for a home to wreck, figuratively speaking. but, the lessons from the grapes of wrath, which i had read as child, became more and more apparent as i stumbled through the okanagan valley, and the depth of the mistake i had made in leaving a comfortable existence in ottawa started to become apparent to me. i certainly needed to find some way out of the empty, "normal" existence my family was trying to push on me, but i wasn't going to find it in these rolling fields of sage, or in these camp fire orgies of the lost and dispossessed. i didn't know what to do next, or how to assert some kind of meaning in the emptiness of ubiquitous market capitalism, but i knew i needed to go home to sort it out - and i knew the value of stability, for perhaps the first time in my life. 

so, i'm actually the one that decided to go home, and i didn't expect her to follow me. but, she did. 

there's a story she told me years later, and i came to realize that it had a lasting effect on her that i wasn't aware of at the time. after an argument about monogamy (one of many...) outside of a work camp near osoyoos, i told her i was leaving her there for good and stormed off down the road. i quickly hitched a ride towards penticton, where i was strongly considering transitioning, and didn't intend to come back. that was that: bye, sarah. 

but, rather than go to penticton, i stopped in oliver, and hitched back the other way, instead. i found myself in the position of needing to reconsider my course of action: i couldn't just leave her there, i had to go back to get her. when i got back to osoyoos, i found her in exactly the same spot that i had left her, roughly eight hours earlier. she told me she just froze solid - she was overcome with fear, and didn't know how to proceed, however many thousands of kilometres from home. she was sure i'd come back. so, she waited for me, and just passed the time by picking wild sage in the fields. 

so, maybe that's why she followed me home, in the end, after i followed her so far away from home, to begin with. 

one of the last stops on the way back was in newmarket, ontario, where we got into a shouting match minutes before we got into the last car. we didn't talk on the way back to ottawa; she got off in her home town, and i kept going. it was mutually understood that the relationship was over. 

i still remember the date in late june when i got back to ottawa, getting off the queensway just before fisher, hobbling down the ramp, walking by the civic hospital (and bumming a smoke outside it), smelling the experimental farm again for the first time in months and collapsing on the couch when i got in, for a very long sleep, for the first time in some time. my dad, always one for sardonic jokes, woke me up by blaring the classic kansas tune, carry on my wayward son, on his high end stereo system. 

so, that is the context for this song, which was written and recorded over the summer of 2003 (my files are all dated to august 30th and 31st, when i seem to have reset the volume for the purpose of remixing it), as i was facing my first time away from sarah in roughly a year and struggling with the separation. i was undergoing a conflict between my brain (which told me to get away from this girl because she's bad news) and my hormones (which were experiencing symptoms of attachment) which i had undergone many times previously and would undergo many times again. it's not an exaggeration to suggest that sarah sort of drove me crazy, that she sort of broke my brain a little. i can only hope that the resulting art is substantive, as best as i can present it. 

but, if it's not clear, the song is intended to be darkly sarcastic. the reference is to "all you need is love", but it's a warped one, and the influence is "love will tear us apart, again". what i'm reflecting upon is the state of delusion that we enter into when our faculties for reason become degraded by the intoxicating influence of hormones. it's really a state of impaired thinking that should be seen as psychotropic - we should talk about being under the influence of love, of being inebriated by oxytocin. a person that is truly in love could have their heart ripped out in front of them as they're breathing, and not be able to react coherently to it, as it's happening. this is a dangerous chemical, indeed. 

it may come off as intentionally defiant, but it's intended to be unintentionally deluded. 

i saw sarah a few times that summer. she called me on canada day, and i biked out to her home town to see her on her birthday, a few weeks later. but, i was lonely that summer without her, and that is really what the song is expressing. i hope that the guitar part is particularly expressive. 

the initial intent was for the first part of the song to be this sarcastic commentary on the concept of love, and for it to open up into a sort of dance punk thing (i guess it sounds like john mcentire remixing the strokes) that represents the shift away from feeling and the shift into numbness and obliviousness, but i separated out and shelved the first part because it was just too difficult. so, the second part of the song - into oblivion - is a first draft of the interplanetary isomorphism, a 33 minute symphonic piece and the first part - all you need - has been a stranded demo, since 2003. 

is the first part really that difficult? well, if you can find me a more raw piece of music, i'd like to hear it. but, 20 years later, that's an asset more than a drawback. i mean, it still hurts a little to listen to it, but i can listen to it at more of a distance, now, and realize the artistic value of it. so, the point of this is in large part to salvage something that has always had value but was previously a little too raw for me to share. 

in mid 2021, i remixed the first part - all you need - to turn the vocals down a little. unfortunately, some of the sarcasm ends up lost in the new mix, but it sounds a lot better and i'm happier with it. i think the sarcasm is heavy enough to not require the use of tone to demonstrate it, but the initial mix makes the sarcasm in the line "yeah. all you need is love." quite a bit more apparent. 

in early 2022, to salvage the concept and complete the recording, i added a lengthy "soul swap" piece to the beginning of the track. this stems from a number of discussions i had with sarah where she tried to convince me that she would make a better jessica than i would and that i should go back to jason, something that perhaps ended up being sort of accurate (in terms of her being a better jessica). i can't know how much that thought guided sarah in the years to come, and she wouldn't admit it to me if it were true because she'd realize it would upset me, but that's the idea, here. of course, we don't actually have souls and can't actually swap them, although i'd love to shapeshift into a new host as this one becomes old and unusable. it's strictly a poetic suggestion, to extrapolate on the idea that sarah and i, in some ways, changed places. i don't know how long a soul swap ought to take, but i made it lengthy enough to be a difficult piece of music, and tried to present what i imagine it ought to sound like. so, yes, the 40+ minutes of noise flipping stereo positions is meant to abstractly represent the sound of souls changing hosts, however absurd the idea may be in real life. the female channel in the soul swap was also isolated and added to the end of the collection as a 40+ minute drone piece, as it has an aesthetic interest on it's own. 

i also wanted to reclaim the piece as a segue between the 8th symphony (reflections) and the 9th symphony (interplanetary isomorphism) for the trivial group double cd, which meant removing the vocals and manipulating the soul swap so that it is of a length that fits on the first cd. but, then, i decided i should also have a vocal version of the album construction. so, these tracks were added to close the disc a few days after the soul swap was built. 

unfortunately, i got into a fight with my stepmother in the fall of 2003 and could no longer stay there, something that may be a consequence of leaving over that summer and assuming i could just come back. i was only back in town for a few months before i was thrown out, something that i'll pick up on in the writeup for inri077. so, this is the sum total of material worked on in my parents' basement when i got back from bc before i got thrown out, completed in 2021/2022 to be a standalone conceptual ep, and a component of my next full length record. 

initially written and recorded over the summer of 2003. track 2 was remixed on june 14, 2021. tracks 1 and 6 were created on the morning of january 3rd, 2022 from the base of an aborted noise piece that was last edited in early 2004 and contained samples of the recording of all you need. tracks 4 and 5 were created on the evening of january 9th, 2022. released as a two volume set on jan 9, 2022. as always, please use headphones. 

the album version also appears on my ninth record, {e} (inri08x): jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/e 

the condensed version also appears on the fundamental theorem of poeticity: 

jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/the-fundamental-theorem-of-poeticity 

this recording is a part of the following collections: 

1) flac dvd disc vol 7 

2) mp3 dvd vol 3 

3) trivial group box set 

4) blu ray disc vol 2 

5) period 3 

this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (2003, 2015, 2017). 

disc one: 

1. soul swap 

2. all you need 

3. into oblivion (initial construction) 

4. all you need (album mix) 

disc two: 

5. all you need (condensed) 

6. her 

released september 1, 2003

j - electric guitars, effects, electric mandolin, analog synthesizers, drum programming, sound design, tone generators, cool edit synthesis, digital sampling, digital wave editing, vocals, production, composition

still unreleased inri093 updated to include track two

this is my incomplete 8th record. 

tracks 1-4 are essentially done, up to final touches. track 5 remains incomplete.

writeup to follow.

these tracks were written over 2002-2004 and reapproached in many phases from 2005-2022 before they were finally completed. as always, please use headphones.

disc one:

1. reflections 

2. all you need

3. interplanetary isomorphism

disc two:

4. xenophanes 

5. needlessly neurotic

released october 31, 2004

j - electric & acoustic & classical guitars, digital & analog effects & processing, ebow, electric bass guitar, electric mandolin, synthesizers, digital piano, electric air reed organ, flute, orchestral & other sequencing, drum & other programming, live drums, bowls, claps, tables, percussion, washing machine, sound design, cool edit synthesis, generative programming (sounder), granular synthesis, soundscaping, loops, sampling, digital wave editing, voice, composition, production. more instrumentation is certain to follow as the recording completes.

"reflections" was written on megan's grand piano, but played into my computer using her old digital piano as a controller, which was, at the time, in my bedroom. i also borrowed megan's bass to record the middle part of "xenophanes". i played sarah's drum kit and sampled the result for "interplanetary isomorphism" and "xenophanes" because it was just sitting around, unused, in the living room. melissa's mini classical guitar, which was left in the apartment, was used for "interplanetary isomorphism".

sean does not appear on this recording, either as a performer or as a writer, but two of the sections of "reflections" were built on top of ideas that were inspired by suggestions he made regarding ideas for rabit is wolf songs.