i vaguely recall recording this in sarah's apartment as a starting point one night when she was out, and it's really the only way to make sense of it existing at all. i ended up living in sarah's space (which she shared with a friend named heather) for a few weeks because my retarded step-mother tossed me out of the house for correctly calling her delusional - because she was - and refusing to apologize - because it was true. you can claim that was foolish, but where do i get by denying the actual truth? she made an absurd accusation that can only be described by her deluding herself about reality. apologizing for pointing that out would be equivalent to also denying reality and being equally delusional. like, it wasn't an insult, it was a statement of fact! so, if i were to apologize for stating the truth, it would be equivalent to accepting her delusions as true, which would be a denial of reality, and for what? i can't sacrifice truth like that. i can't walk down this dystopic path. so, if you want to accuse me of foolishness, let's at least be accurate about it - the foolishness is actually rooted in an inability to interface with nonsense. this wasn't about my ego, it was about refusing to walk into a dystopia and refusing to separate myself from reality in the process. i'd read too much orwell, i just couldn't handle it. and i knew that the next step would be even worse - that accepting one nonsense as truth would merely lay a basis for accepting more nonsense as truth. it was a shitty outcome, no doubt, but i had to stick to the facts, here - i had to hold to my principles.
truth > family. you have to protect your brain, you have to protect your sanity, or you'll end up as fucked up as everybody else, in the end.
so, i ended up without anywhere to sleep - something i'd never dealt with before (except on the trip to bc i'd just come back from) and wasn't actually taking seriously. in addition to learning that my stepmother was retarded, i learned a little bit about how to fend for myself. but, in the end, i decided i'd rather stay with sarah for a bit, anyways.
but, i lost access to my computer and recording interface...
as such, i called up my friend greg, who had been using the tascam. i mean, i didn't need it - i had the soundblaster live interface. but, now i did. proto-anarchist jessica knew how to distribute property efficiently. the only reasonable timeframe when i would have made this recording is therefore when i was staying with sarah, after i picked up the item from greg (who got a little bit annoyed about it) - which would have been the fall of 2003.
in the end, i just forgot about this recording, and am kind of wondering where the tape with "like divine amoebas" went, as i have more developed memories around recording that track than this one. i mean, this doesn't actually go anywhere just quite yet, even if the dual guitars are kind of harmonically interesting as intertwined sections. that said, this is my next major recording project, as well, and it will form the missing piece of my 8th record (a massive 2xlp set of lengthy pieces, all four of them labeled as symphonies) when it's done.
i will probably do something further with this exact recording, though, as i finally work out the lost symphony. as it is, as rough and unfinished as it is, it's easy enough to extrapolate my mindset at the time, in this kind of dour gira-influenced dirge through this dissonant harmonic cycle of down strokes.
if this is from late 2003 as it must be then it is by far the earliest recording of it that i have. i tried to record it in late 2004 and over 2005, but got distracted and ended up writing xenophanes, instead. so, this comes in last in the sequence of four intertwined symphonic works, but it was actually meant to be the third piece, before xenophanes interjected itself in between. and, that's why it got lost - i pivoted out of the trivial group before i finished it, as i so often did back then. and so often do still now....
are there further demos? well, i can't answer that question thoroughly until i'm sure what happened to the other tape. i digitized it in early 2004, so i haven't lost anything in being unable to locate it. but, i'm sort of sure that it was actually around, too.
for now, these are the only two tracks i have from that brief phase, both demoes of songs that would be completed later and elsewhere, and this is the document i can construct.
by my count, this should end up as inri077 and is essentially now done - along with inri075, inri078, inri079, inri080, inri081, inri082, inri084 and inri085. it is inri076 that will need the attention and could take me most of the summer to complete. and, that will take me up to the summer of 2004. inri083 (impressionist jazz punk, first take) and inri086 (cycles per second lp) will then require some thought as to how to approach.
new upload:
full ep, so far:
full ep, so far:
