https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/schizoid-terrorist-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1
Sunday, July 31, 2016
30-07-2016: trying to close inri014 amidst political distraction and mri drama
tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/schizoid-terrorist-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/schizoid-terrorist-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1
Saturday, July 30, 2016
Friday, July 29, 2016
finalizing on sexual confusion in adolescence (inri013)
audio permanently closed for inri013.
==
this was not initially constructed as a standalone work, but it became one almost the moment that it was constructed. there was always an intent to combine the sexuality themed tracks together at the front of my first record, but the initial idea was something more like frontloading the disc than building a cohesive work. it just happened to build itself up that way, and was truly apparent as such on the very first listen. even the phantom of the opera cover in the middle of the track became topical in a sort of subversive way.
i first broke the piece off into a standalone file in the spring of 2014 as a mirror image to the sequence that ends my second record, which actually *was* consciously written as a single work all the way back in 1996 (and appears that way at the end of the very first demo tape). i thought that if the second record was going to have an epic then the first should as well. as the first six tracks had long been a subset in my mind, this was a natural thing to do. the title of the track was first published as an upload to youtube in mar, 2014 on the deathtokoalas channel, which is now deleted.
i did not initially number these tracks as symphonies due to their incorporation of childish vocals, although i had planned to include them on any symphonic compilation discs, nonetheless. i saw them more as proto-symphonies - or just as beginner epics, where i was finding my feet but ultimately still working out ideas.
it wasn't until i finished reclaiming my 1998 demos from tape at the end of 2015 that i realized that i could resequence my first two records from scratch and republish them as instrumental works. the ability to reclaim these two epics as instrumental works, and consequently as full symphonies, followed as a corollary of this. it was consequently not until january, 2016 that i finally elevated the instrumental reconstruction of this recording to the level of my first official symphony, which is where it will now exist into perpetuity: eternally, finally.
the focus in reconstruction was to erect a final version rather than conform to the original mix, so later versions were prioritized over earlier ones. the first through fourth sections are very similar to the original album mix, whereas the fifth and sixth sections have been replaced with expanded mixes.
once the instrumental version had been constructed for the record, i felt i had lost something by removing the vocals - or at least some of them. in the context of the improved master, i felt an edited vocal take could actually elevate the symphony to a different and surreal level, if presented in the right context. this context could not be on the record, though, which had to be fully instrumental. instead, i decided to place the vocal reconstruction as a standalone single, with the instrumental as a flip side to it.
this is an incredibly dense piece of music that i'm proud to finally place in the serious part of my discography.
written and demoed from 1994-1998. initially constructed in this form in june, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. sequenced on jan 6-7, 2016 from parts that were rebuilt over 2014 & 2015. released jan 7, 2016. finalized on july 29, 2016. this is my first symphony; as always, please use headphones.
section one: initially written & recorded in 1997. re-recorded in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. remastered from various sources on jan 6, 2016.
section two: initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed on july 18, 2015. sequenced jan 6, 2016. vocals added on jan 7, 2016.
section three: initially written by andrew lloyd webber. recorded in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. remastered from various sources on jan 6, 2016.
section four: originally created in jan, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed on july 5, 2015. expanded & sequenced on jan 6, 2016. vocals added on jan 7, 2016.
section five: written june, 1998. reimagined june, 2001. slightly rearranged and re-rendered at the end of july, 2014. rearranged again at the end of may, 2015. remastered from the 2014 & 2015 sources on jan 6, 2016.
section six: initially written in 1997. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 5, 2015. remixed july 12, 2015. vocals and electronics added on july 16, 2015. sequenced on jan 6, 2016.
==
this was not initially constructed as a standalone work, but it became one almost the moment that it was constructed. there was always an intent to combine the sexuality themed tracks together at the front of my first record, but the initial idea was something more like frontloading the disc than building a cohesive work. it just happened to build itself up that way, and was truly apparent as such on the very first listen. even the phantom of the opera cover in the middle of the track became topical in a sort of subversive way.
i first broke the piece off into a standalone file in the spring of 2014 as a mirror image to the sequence that ends my second record, which actually *was* consciously written as a single work all the way back in 1996 (and appears that way at the end of the very first demo tape). i thought that if the second record was going to have an epic then the first should as well. as the first six tracks had long been a subset in my mind, this was a natural thing to do. the title of the track was first published as an upload to youtube in mar, 2014 on the deathtokoalas channel, which is now deleted.
i did not initially number these tracks as symphonies due to their incorporation of childish vocals, although i had planned to include them on any symphonic compilation discs, nonetheless. i saw them more as proto-symphonies - or just as beginner epics, where i was finding my feet but ultimately still working out ideas.
it wasn't until i finished reclaiming my 1998 demos from tape at the end of 2015 that i realized that i could resequence my first two records from scratch and republish them as instrumental works. the ability to reclaim these two epics as instrumental works, and consequently as full symphonies, followed as a corollary of this. it was consequently not until january, 2016 that i finally elevated the instrumental reconstruction of this recording to the level of my first official symphony, which is where it will now exist into perpetuity: eternally, finally.
the focus in reconstruction was to erect a final version rather than conform to the original mix, so later versions were prioritized over earlier ones. the first through fourth sections are very similar to the original album mix, whereas the fifth and sixth sections have been replaced with expanded mixes.
once the instrumental version had been constructed for the record, i felt i had lost something by removing the vocals - or at least some of them. in the context of the improved master, i felt an edited vocal take could actually elevate the symphony to a different and surreal level, if presented in the right context. this context could not be on the record, though, which had to be fully instrumental. instead, i decided to place the vocal reconstruction as a standalone single, with the instrumental as a flip side to it.
this is an incredibly dense piece of music that i'm proud to finally place in the serious part of my discography.
written and demoed from 1994-1998. initially constructed in this form in june, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. sequenced on jan 6-7, 2016 from parts that were rebuilt over 2014 & 2015. released jan 7, 2016. finalized on july 29, 2016. this is my first symphony; as always, please use headphones.
section one: initially written & recorded in 1997. re-recorded in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. remastered from various sources on jan 6, 2016.
section two: initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed on july 18, 2015. sequenced jan 6, 2016. vocals added on jan 7, 2016.
section three: initially written by andrew lloyd webber. recorded in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. remastered from various sources on jan 6, 2016.
section four: originally created in jan, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed on july 5, 2015. expanded & sequenced on jan 6, 2016. vocals added on jan 7, 2016.
section five: written june, 1998. reimagined june, 2001. slightly rearranged and re-rendered at the end of july, 2014. rearranged again at the end of may, 2015. remastered from the 2014 & 2015 sources on jan 6, 2016.
section six: initially written in 1997. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 5, 2015. remixed july 12, 2015. vocals and electronics added on july 16, 2015. sequenced on jan 6, 2016.
Thursday, July 28, 2016
Wednesday, July 27, 2016
Tuesday, July 26, 2016
Monday, July 25, 2016
j reacts to the absurdity of stealing low quality audio streams
i've been noticing that the bandcamp site is getting many times more visitors than plays. so far in july, i have just over 1100 visits and just under 400 plays. one would expect the opposite. even if everybody shows up and just skips through three songs, that's still three times as many plays as visits. how can i have a third as many plays as visits? what are people doing on my bandcamp site - which has little besides a play button - if not listening?
my best guess is that this is a metric regarding just how bad the problem of bandcamp downloading is. i'd just like to make a few comments.
first: please recognize that i don't prostitute myself to capitalism by selling my labour for a wage, and i'm never going to ever again. this is a basic political position of mine. i consider it more noble to live on welfare than to sell my labour for a wage. for the same reason, i don't have a record label, and i don't want one. i don't make money through advertising, and i don't want to. i'm pushing the point out of principle: do you not think you have an obligation to pay for something if you're enjoying it? i just don't understand the thought process that would take somebody to an audio site to download a low quality file out of the stream that only exists for promo purposes, then tell me i should force people to listen to an ad for condoms if i want to eat. that's not the world i want to live in. that's the world i want to abolish.
second: there's no way around this. if you can stream something, you can pirate it. but, again: i can't understand why this is the arrangement that you actually want.
third: the pirated version that you're getting is absolutely shit. my music is very sonically complex. the 128 kbps mp3 that you're streaming is really worth what you're paying for. i have to clarify that you're not actually getting a proper representation of the sound, that way. i'm not exaggerating, either. there's a reason that i am constantly requesting that you listen to the music though headphones. if you're going to listen through a shitty mp3 (no doubt on your phone speakers or on laptop speakers), you're barely even getting an approximation of it. again, i don't understand what you're getting out of this. this isn't vocally driven music. if you're not listening to the arrangements, what are you listening to? as an example, the most recent track that i uploaded is mixed in such a way that i literally cannot hear the bass part on my laptop speakers. it's not the first time i've noticed this, either. you really need to be listening to it in flac, and through a decent setup. the stream can only give you a taste. to steal the stream is to completely miss the point.
fourth: broadly speaking, i think you're missing the point. the message that sends to me is that you don't understand the art. so, why are you listening to it? you can barely hear it, and you don't understand it.
so, it's hard for me to get angry. it's less that i feel like i'm a victim of theft, and more that i feel like i'm not getting my ideas across very well. or, maybe i am. after all, one of my main messages is the ubiquity of human stupidity. perhaps you're just demonstrating the point.
if you're going to listen to this at all, please do yourself the favour of downloading it in high quality - and listening to it through headphones. that's not a hollow request. you cannot possibly understand what i'm creating, otherwise.
my best guess is that this is a metric regarding just how bad the problem of bandcamp downloading is. i'd just like to make a few comments.
first: please recognize that i don't prostitute myself to capitalism by selling my labour for a wage, and i'm never going to ever again. this is a basic political position of mine. i consider it more noble to live on welfare than to sell my labour for a wage. for the same reason, i don't have a record label, and i don't want one. i don't make money through advertising, and i don't want to. i'm pushing the point out of principle: do you not think you have an obligation to pay for something if you're enjoying it? i just don't understand the thought process that would take somebody to an audio site to download a low quality file out of the stream that only exists for promo purposes, then tell me i should force people to listen to an ad for condoms if i want to eat. that's not the world i want to live in. that's the world i want to abolish.
second: there's no way around this. if you can stream something, you can pirate it. but, again: i can't understand why this is the arrangement that you actually want.
third: the pirated version that you're getting is absolutely shit. my music is very sonically complex. the 128 kbps mp3 that you're streaming is really worth what you're paying for. i have to clarify that you're not actually getting a proper representation of the sound, that way. i'm not exaggerating, either. there's a reason that i am constantly requesting that you listen to the music though headphones. if you're going to listen through a shitty mp3 (no doubt on your phone speakers or on laptop speakers), you're barely even getting an approximation of it. again, i don't understand what you're getting out of this. this isn't vocally driven music. if you're not listening to the arrangements, what are you listening to? as an example, the most recent track that i uploaded is mixed in such a way that i literally cannot hear the bass part on my laptop speakers. it's not the first time i've noticed this, either. you really need to be listening to it in flac, and through a decent setup. the stream can only give you a taste. to steal the stream is to completely miss the point.
fourth: broadly speaking, i think you're missing the point. the message that sends to me is that you don't understand the art. so, why are you listening to it? you can barely hear it, and you don't understand it.
so, it's hard for me to get angry. it's less that i feel like i'm a victim of theft, and more that i feel like i'm not getting my ideas across very well. or, maybe i am. after all, one of my main messages is the ubiquity of human stupidity. perhaps you're just demonstrating the point.
if you're going to listen to this at all, please do yourself the favour of downloading it in high quality - and listening to it through headphones. that's not a hollow request. you cannot possibly understand what i'm creating, otherwise.
publishing i think i feel much better now (inri012)
audio permanently closed for inri012.
==
the roots of this track are a variation on a common theme. this is taken from the write-up for the initial 1996 demo version of the track:
"more silly teenage angst, intersecting with more rejection of religion and quite a bit of misanthropy. i may make an interesting observation or two, but the reality here is that i sound just as brainwashed as the masses of people i was looking down on...and if i'm going to criticize myself, or feel embarrassed, it's on that level of a lack of originality, rather than the actual content."
by 1998, the lyrics had been rewritten to be a little less angsty in an attempt to expand further on the secular humanist basis of the track. yet, i still don't really get over the irony inherent in the track. as much as i want to break free of mindlessness and conformity, i don't have anything particularly original to say. worse, the way i'm saying it is cliched, childish and kind of trite. for these reasons, i've decided to eject the vocal mixes from the official release altogether, although they are available here as a part of the download.
musically speaking, i initially actually wanted this track to be the basis of something more marketable. i remember listening to the first side of the initial demo and lamenting that it was void of anything i could really release as a single and then trying to come up with some kind of "jangle" or "college" rock thing to compensate for it. in the end, the track would warp into some kind of adult prog, but you can hear the initial buckian template in the guitar work.
as with a number of the other tracks from this period, i don't really want to walk anything back - i just wish that i had articulated myself better. it's not the subject matter that's cringey, it's the exact choice of words. yet, that's a scant excuse, in context. word choice is what writing is all about!
the decision to create a single for the track in 2016 was drawn out by two considerations. the first is that there are legitimately two distinct modern versions of the track, along with a collection of discarded mixes, and i do feel the need to offer them together as a package, as i have done with the other tracks. the other is that this is literally the only song on the first demo that is not offered in this format. i felt that it would be absurd for me to offer every track as a single except for this one.
the lead track on this single combines the album version with the connector that follows it on the record, which explains the chosen release date (the actual song was completed on march 22, 1998). that connector is one of the many pieces of sample art that i had created over this period in cool edit, using a number of basic manipulation tactics and noise generation techniques. i had to emulate this in 2016 in order to rebuild the record. while the result is not identical, it is actually pretty close.
initially written in 1996. recreated in the spring of 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed june 29, 2015. corrected to control for malfunctioning electronics on nov 26, 2015. sequenced on jan 10, 2016. released & finalized on july 24, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
this release is compiled on inriℵ0.
jasonparent.bandcamp.com/merch/inri-box-set
regarding the subject matter of the deleted vocals/lyrics, please see the following vlog (which is also available on inriℵ0):
www.youtube.com/watch?v=xuhdwde1YKI&t=778s
credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, drum programming, drum kit, sequencing, vocals, sampling, found sound (printer), cool edit, digital wave editing, tapes, production
released may 22, 1998
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/i-think-i-feel-much-better-now
1) this is the version that was sequenced for the record, before it was split into two tracks for it. initially written in 1996. recreated in the spring of 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed june 29, 2015. corrected to control for malfunctioning electronics on nov 26, 2015. sequenced on jan 10, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-think-i-feel-much-better-now
2) this is the version that was reconstructed in 2015 from the 1998 source tapes. initially written in 1996. recreated in the spring of 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed june 29, 2015. corrected to control for malfunctioning electronics on nov 26, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/aliens-are-more-likely-than-god-2
3) from the deleted inricycled B compilation. initially written in 1996. recreated in the spring of 1998. remastered in 2013. recycled jan 7, 2014.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/climb-up-a-cloud-to-combat-some-hideous-creatures-and-then-fly-away-hidden
4) 2013 remaster of 1996 demo. initially written in 1996. remastered in 2013. dated oct 21, 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/guh-2013-remaster-of-1996-demo-2
5) deleted 2013 remaster of 1998 demo cd. initially written in 1996. recreated in the spring of 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. dated dec 21, 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-think-i-feel-much-better-now-2013-remaster-of-1998-cd-2
6) deleted original 1996 mix. initially written in 1996. dated nov 24, 1996.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/guh-1996-demo-2
7) deleted original 1998 sequence from the initial demo cd. initially written in 1996. recreated in the spring of 1998. the first section is from mar 22, 1998 and the second section is from may 22, 1998.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-think-i-feel-much-better-now-1998-cd-2
==
the roots of this track are a variation on a common theme. this is taken from the write-up for the initial 1996 demo version of the track:
"more silly teenage angst, intersecting with more rejection of religion and quite a bit of misanthropy. i may make an interesting observation or two, but the reality here is that i sound just as brainwashed as the masses of people i was looking down on...and if i'm going to criticize myself, or feel embarrassed, it's on that level of a lack of originality, rather than the actual content."
by 1998, the lyrics had been rewritten to be a little less angsty in an attempt to expand further on the secular humanist basis of the track. yet, i still don't really get over the irony inherent in the track. as much as i want to break free of mindlessness and conformity, i don't have anything particularly original to say. worse, the way i'm saying it is cliched, childish and kind of trite. for these reasons, i've decided to eject the vocal mixes from the official release altogether, although they are available here as a part of the download.
musically speaking, i initially actually wanted this track to be the basis of something more marketable. i remember listening to the first side of the initial demo and lamenting that it was void of anything i could really release as a single and then trying to come up with some kind of "jangle" or "college" rock thing to compensate for it. in the end, the track would warp into some kind of adult prog, but you can hear the initial buckian template in the guitar work.
as with a number of the other tracks from this period, i don't really want to walk anything back - i just wish that i had articulated myself better. it's not the subject matter that's cringey, it's the exact choice of words. yet, that's a scant excuse, in context. word choice is what writing is all about!
the decision to create a single for the track in 2016 was drawn out by two considerations. the first is that there are legitimately two distinct modern versions of the track, along with a collection of discarded mixes, and i do feel the need to offer them together as a package, as i have done with the other tracks. the other is that this is literally the only song on the first demo that is not offered in this format. i felt that it would be absurd for me to offer every track as a single except for this one.
the lead track on this single combines the album version with the connector that follows it on the record, which explains the chosen release date (the actual song was completed on march 22, 1998). that connector is one of the many pieces of sample art that i had created over this period in cool edit, using a number of basic manipulation tactics and noise generation techniques. i had to emulate this in 2016 in order to rebuild the record. while the result is not identical, it is actually pretty close.
initially written in 1996. recreated in the spring of 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed june 29, 2015. corrected to control for malfunctioning electronics on nov 26, 2015. sequenced on jan 10, 2016. released & finalized on july 24, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
this release is compiled on inriℵ0.
jasonparent.bandcamp.com/merch/inri-box-set
regarding the subject matter of the deleted vocals/lyrics, please see the following vlog (which is also available on inriℵ0):
www.youtube.com/watch?v=xuhdwde1YKI&t=778s
credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, drum programming, drum kit, sequencing, vocals, sampling, found sound (printer), cool edit, digital wave editing, tapes, production
released may 22, 1998
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/i-think-i-feel-much-better-now
1) this is the version that was sequenced for the record, before it was split into two tracks for it. initially written in 1996. recreated in the spring of 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed june 29, 2015. corrected to control for malfunctioning electronics on nov 26, 2015. sequenced on jan 10, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-think-i-feel-much-better-now
2) this is the version that was reconstructed in 2015 from the 1998 source tapes. initially written in 1996. recreated in the spring of 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed june 29, 2015. corrected to control for malfunctioning electronics on nov 26, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/aliens-are-more-likely-than-god-2
3) from the deleted inricycled B compilation. initially written in 1996. recreated in the spring of 1998. remastered in 2013. recycled jan 7, 2014.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/climb-up-a-cloud-to-combat-some-hideous-creatures-and-then-fly-away-hidden
4) 2013 remaster of 1996 demo. initially written in 1996. remastered in 2013. dated oct 21, 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/guh-2013-remaster-of-1996-demo-2
5) deleted 2013 remaster of 1998 demo cd. initially written in 1996. recreated in the spring of 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. dated dec 21, 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-think-i-feel-much-better-now-2013-remaster-of-1998-cd-2
6) deleted original 1996 mix. initially written in 1996. dated nov 24, 1996.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/guh-1996-demo-2
7) deleted original 1998 sequence from the initial demo cd. initially written in 1996. recreated in the spring of 1998. the first section is from mar 22, 1998 and the second section is from may 22, 1998.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-think-i-feel-much-better-now-1998-cd-2
Sunday, July 24, 2016
23-07-2016: closing inri011, working through may/98 and defining inri012
tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/nope-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/i-think-i-feel-much-better-now
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/slipping-away
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/weedin-the-yard
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/wish-r2d2-mix
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/the-phantom-of-the-washing-machine
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/nope-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/i-think-i-feel-much-better-now
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/slipping-away
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/weedin-the-yard
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/wish-r2d2-mix
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/the-phantom-of-the-washing-machine
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1
Saturday, July 23, 2016
finalizing nope (inri011)
it's often remarked that there's a fine line between genius and idiocy.
it's less often remarked that there's an equally fine line between
wisdom and depression.
in early 1998, i was generating quite a bit of concern about my mental well being. ironically, i think this actually coincided with a period of very rapid mental development and maturation. i kind of just went to sleep one night as an immature teen and woke up the next morning as an overmature young adult. i can't really assign any kind of catalyst to it, either. while i haven't looked into this at all, i suspect it's a less uncommon phenomenon than might be imagined.
i should maybe give my parents, which at this point in time means my father and step-mother but primarily my father, a little bit of credit for at least being aware that my character underwent a fast and drastic shift from being kind of hyperactive and full of snarky wit to being quiet and sort of withdrawn. the immediate interpretation of such a shift is inevitably going to be that it is at least consistent with the onset of some kind of depression. so, i ended up dealing with the spanish inquisition for a while, regarding my shift in demeanor. was i alright? if i wasn't, would i tell him? would i agree to talk to somebody?
i did agree to talk to somebody, mostly to ease his own concerns. i mean, i just didn't see the need for him to be worrying about me like this.
the reality of the situation was that i had simply matured a little bit. sure: there were some real life concerns happening around me. life at 17 is not childhood any longer; it can be stressful. maybe that had affected me a little bit. but, depression? i didn't feel that i was suffering from anything. i just felt that my personality was asserting itself as something that was kind of stoic. i don't want to call myself a sociopath, exactly: stoicism gets the point across better. what's the point of getting irritable? what does it solve?
the doctor keyed in on some of the music i was listening to. now, it's the late 90s: right after grunge. people are still reeling from, like, kurt cobain copycat suicides. i was in a bit of a different musical head space than that, one defined mostly by nine inch nails (and including influences on nin and offshoots from it). that's actually considerably worse, on first glance, although i was aware of the fact that reznor was writing from the perspective of a character rather than from personal experience. the point is that i understood where the concern was coming from and was able to effectively articulate that point to the doctor. we agreed that i didn't necessarily need to be put on anti-depressants right away, but that i should accept a prescription and fill it at some point if i get overwhelmed.
so, i came home with a prescription and immediately hit the internet to research it. i didn't like what i found. i had explicitly told the doctor that i was experiencing a lack of emotional instability, not an excess of it. so, i didn't need to turn my emotions off; if anything, i would have benefited more from something that amplified my emotions more. the idea that i was depressed was just a misperception. nonetheless, the mere *idea* of taking drugs that would suppress my emotions and may have long term or permanent effects scared the hell out of me. the xfiles sample that appears on the original mix was something that i had put aside for future pro-atheist use but, after doing this research, became very relevant in a completely different context.
so, i wasn't keen on taking these drugs that were going to at best turn me into a zombie and at worst turn me into a mass murderer. nope. no thanks...
my dad pushed the point for quite a while, though. in his mind, i came home with a prescription and ought to fill it. this song is a reaction to his insistence, which i always knew was coming from a good place. in fact, he never really dropped the argument.
the doctor and i also talked a little bit about my own music, and how it was an outlet for various frustrations. i made the argument that, while i didn't feel depressed, i was nonetheless better off working out issues of the sort through art than i was taking pills. so, this song also exists on that kind of meta level.
in hindsight, i don't want to give off the impression that i reject psychology or the medicalization of depression. that is simply untrue. the honest truth is that i simply did not feel that i was suffering from any kind of depression. yet, i've also always been very uncomfortable with the way that this process unfolded. we talked for less than an hour, and i walked out with a prescription for a mind-altering substance that could have dramatically damaged me. why is there not more oversight in this process? one would think that i should have been given a blood test to determine if i actually had an imbalance or not. no doctor can determine an imbalance through intuition. that is flat out quackery! an imbalance must be measured. if it can be determined empirically, it ought to be reacted to. yet, i was never even tested.
as an artist, i'm glad that i had the presence of mind to reject the drugs at this age. i simply don't know what they would have done to me, or who i would be today had i taken them.
originally created in april, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 4, 2015. remixed july 15, 2015. vocals added jan 6, 2016. finalized on july 23, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
the album version of this track appears on my first record, inri (inri015): jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-3
this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1998, 2013, 2015, 2016).
credits:
j - guitars, effects, synth bass, synths, drum programming, sequencing, vocals, sampling, digital wave editing, production
in early 1998, i was generating quite a bit of concern about my mental well being. ironically, i think this actually coincided with a period of very rapid mental development and maturation. i kind of just went to sleep one night as an immature teen and woke up the next morning as an overmature young adult. i can't really assign any kind of catalyst to it, either. while i haven't looked into this at all, i suspect it's a less uncommon phenomenon than might be imagined.
i should maybe give my parents, which at this point in time means my father and step-mother but primarily my father, a little bit of credit for at least being aware that my character underwent a fast and drastic shift from being kind of hyperactive and full of snarky wit to being quiet and sort of withdrawn. the immediate interpretation of such a shift is inevitably going to be that it is at least consistent with the onset of some kind of depression. so, i ended up dealing with the spanish inquisition for a while, regarding my shift in demeanor. was i alright? if i wasn't, would i tell him? would i agree to talk to somebody?
i did agree to talk to somebody, mostly to ease his own concerns. i mean, i just didn't see the need for him to be worrying about me like this.
the reality of the situation was that i had simply matured a little bit. sure: there were some real life concerns happening around me. life at 17 is not childhood any longer; it can be stressful. maybe that had affected me a little bit. but, depression? i didn't feel that i was suffering from anything. i just felt that my personality was asserting itself as something that was kind of stoic. i don't want to call myself a sociopath, exactly: stoicism gets the point across better. what's the point of getting irritable? what does it solve?
the doctor keyed in on some of the music i was listening to. now, it's the late 90s: right after grunge. people are still reeling from, like, kurt cobain copycat suicides. i was in a bit of a different musical head space than that, one defined mostly by nine inch nails (and including influences on nin and offshoots from it). that's actually considerably worse, on first glance, although i was aware of the fact that reznor was writing from the perspective of a character rather than from personal experience. the point is that i understood where the concern was coming from and was able to effectively articulate that point to the doctor. we agreed that i didn't necessarily need to be put on anti-depressants right away, but that i should accept a prescription and fill it at some point if i get overwhelmed.
so, i came home with a prescription and immediately hit the internet to research it. i didn't like what i found. i had explicitly told the doctor that i was experiencing a lack of emotional instability, not an excess of it. so, i didn't need to turn my emotions off; if anything, i would have benefited more from something that amplified my emotions more. the idea that i was depressed was just a misperception. nonetheless, the mere *idea* of taking drugs that would suppress my emotions and may have long term or permanent effects scared the hell out of me. the xfiles sample that appears on the original mix was something that i had put aside for future pro-atheist use but, after doing this research, became very relevant in a completely different context.
so, i wasn't keen on taking these drugs that were going to at best turn me into a zombie and at worst turn me into a mass murderer. nope. no thanks...
my dad pushed the point for quite a while, though. in his mind, i came home with a prescription and ought to fill it. this song is a reaction to his insistence, which i always knew was coming from a good place. in fact, he never really dropped the argument.
the doctor and i also talked a little bit about my own music, and how it was an outlet for various frustrations. i made the argument that, while i didn't feel depressed, i was nonetheless better off working out issues of the sort through art than i was taking pills. so, this song also exists on that kind of meta level.
in hindsight, i don't want to give off the impression that i reject psychology or the medicalization of depression. that is simply untrue. the honest truth is that i simply did not feel that i was suffering from any kind of depression. yet, i've also always been very uncomfortable with the way that this process unfolded. we talked for less than an hour, and i walked out with a prescription for a mind-altering substance that could have dramatically damaged me. why is there not more oversight in this process? one would think that i should have been given a blood test to determine if i actually had an imbalance or not. no doctor can determine an imbalance through intuition. that is flat out quackery! an imbalance must be measured. if it can be determined empirically, it ought to be reacted to. yet, i was never even tested.
as an artist, i'm glad that i had the presence of mind to reject the drugs at this age. i simply don't know what they would have done to me, or who i would be today had i taken them.
originally created in april, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 4, 2015. remixed july 15, 2015. vocals added jan 6, 2016. finalized on july 23, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
the album version of this track appears on my first record, inri (inri015): jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-3
this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1998, 2013, 2015, 2016).
credits:
j - guitars, effects, synth bass, synths, drum programming, sequencing, vocals, sampling, digital wave editing, production
released april 29, 1998
22-07-2016: inri010.
tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/why
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/why
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1
Friday, July 22, 2016
publishing why (inri010)
audio permanently closed for inri010.
===
here's the biting, satirical, misanthropic anarchist jessica that you know and love! finally...
this is the first thing that shows up that's explicitly political in more than a social sense. the lyrics are clear, obvious and mixed very much to the front. here's the story on that: i'm emulating a beat-box situation. i'm a politician, tongue-in-cheek, with a sound system in the back. the paper crumpling sound in the middle is meant to represent me spoiling a ballot.
in hindsight, i suppose that the idea that i'm trying to get across is largely gramscian. in the language of modern memes, the track simply tells us to keep calm and vote for the status quo. but, you'll note that i'm focusing a lot on the deficit of discourse. this could be interpreted a few ways. you could think about how the function of advertising is to suppress thought, for example. however, what i was thinking at the time intersects most cleanly with the idea of the state functioning as the modern church. in this system, which does not only exist on the right, the politician is also a priest and enforces the same role of thought suppression that the church did in the middle ages. the politician herds the sheep into the polls to uphold the status quo; democracy consequently leads to stasis, and prevents any kind of real change. what i had actually read at this age was not gramsci or chomsky but orwell. yet, what's actually driving me is something closer to what we would today associate with dawkins - largely through asimov.
you'll note that i'm not particularly hopeful about the process, either - i don't have a lot of faith in humans to transcend this process of control. it's a deep form of misanthropy, with little way out. yet, my idea of human nature is that we are very malleable, not that we are fixed in perpetual assholery. even at this age, i realize that we are not doomed....
....we're just very poorly equipped to get our shit together.
initially written in 1996. recreated in april, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 12, 2015. vocals added july 15, 2015. sequenced, released and finalized on july 22, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, drum programming, drum kit, synthesizers, found sound (paper crumpling), pick scrapes, tapes, noise generators, cool edit synthesis, sampling, vocals, digital wave editing, production
released april 19, 1998
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/why
1) when i reclaimed this track in the summer of 2015, i output a vocal version for the fun of it and then left it to sit for several months. no single was constructed on the initial run through in early 2016 because i had made the decision to not release vocal mixes. however, with the creation of the epic "on sexual confusion in adolescence", i have reversed that decision and decided to release select vocal tracks as singles. this track makes the cut. initially written in 1996. recreated in april, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 12, 2015. vocals added july 15, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/why-3
2) this version has been edited and sequenced for inclusion on my second record, inriched (inri021). initially written in 1996. recreated in april, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 12, 2015. sequenced and finalized on july 22, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/why-album-version
3) version reconstructed in 2015 from tape. initially written in 1996. recreated in april, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 12, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/why-2015-reconstruction-from-1998-source-tapes
4) this is a glitchy, instrumental remix of the track that i only vaguely recall putting together. initially written in 1996. recreated in april, 1998. converted to stereo on sept 24, 2014.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/why-wtf-mix-2
5) from inricycled. initially written in 1996. remastered in 2013. dated dec 11, 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/phased-out-a-robots-lament-2
6) deleted 2013 remaster of the 1998 demo, which would later appear on my second record, inriched (inri021). initially written in 1996. recreated in april, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. dated dec 24, 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/why-2013-remaster-of-1998-demo
7) deleted 1998 edit, which would later appear on my second record, inriched (inri021). initially written in 1996. recreated and edited in april, 1998.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/why-original-1999-album-edit
8) 2013 remaster of 1996 demo cassette. initially written in 1996. remastered in 2013. dated oct 12, 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/why-2013-remaster-of-1996-demo-mix-2
9) deleted 1998 original, unsequenced mix. initially written in 1996. recreated in april, 1998. dated april 19, 1998.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/why-full-1998-mix-2
10) deleted original 1996 mix. initially written in 1996. dated oct 20, 1996.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/end-sequence-of-side-a-of-the-1996-demo-tape-2
===
here's the biting, satirical, misanthropic anarchist jessica that you know and love! finally...
this is the first thing that shows up that's explicitly political in more than a social sense. the lyrics are clear, obvious and mixed very much to the front. here's the story on that: i'm emulating a beat-box situation. i'm a politician, tongue-in-cheek, with a sound system in the back. the paper crumpling sound in the middle is meant to represent me spoiling a ballot.
in hindsight, i suppose that the idea that i'm trying to get across is largely gramscian. in the language of modern memes, the track simply tells us to keep calm and vote for the status quo. but, you'll note that i'm focusing a lot on the deficit of discourse. this could be interpreted a few ways. you could think about how the function of advertising is to suppress thought, for example. however, what i was thinking at the time intersects most cleanly with the idea of the state functioning as the modern church. in this system, which does not only exist on the right, the politician is also a priest and enforces the same role of thought suppression that the church did in the middle ages. the politician herds the sheep into the polls to uphold the status quo; democracy consequently leads to stasis, and prevents any kind of real change. what i had actually read at this age was not gramsci or chomsky but orwell. yet, what's actually driving me is something closer to what we would today associate with dawkins - largely through asimov.
you'll note that i'm not particularly hopeful about the process, either - i don't have a lot of faith in humans to transcend this process of control. it's a deep form of misanthropy, with little way out. yet, my idea of human nature is that we are very malleable, not that we are fixed in perpetual assholery. even at this age, i realize that we are not doomed....
....we're just very poorly equipped to get our shit together.
initially written in 1996. recreated in april, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 12, 2015. vocals added july 15, 2015. sequenced, released and finalized on july 22, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, drum programming, drum kit, synthesizers, found sound (paper crumpling), pick scrapes, tapes, noise generators, cool edit synthesis, sampling, vocals, digital wave editing, production
released april 19, 1998
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/why
1) when i reclaimed this track in the summer of 2015, i output a vocal version for the fun of it and then left it to sit for several months. no single was constructed on the initial run through in early 2016 because i had made the decision to not release vocal mixes. however, with the creation of the epic "on sexual confusion in adolescence", i have reversed that decision and decided to release select vocal tracks as singles. this track makes the cut. initially written in 1996. recreated in april, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 12, 2015. vocals added july 15, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/why-3
2) this version has been edited and sequenced for inclusion on my second record, inriched (inri021). initially written in 1996. recreated in april, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 12, 2015. sequenced and finalized on july 22, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/why-album-version
3) version reconstructed in 2015 from tape. initially written in 1996. recreated in april, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 12, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/why-2015-reconstruction-from-1998-source-tapes
4) this is a glitchy, instrumental remix of the track that i only vaguely recall putting together. initially written in 1996. recreated in april, 1998. converted to stereo on sept 24, 2014.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/why-wtf-mix-2
5) from inricycled. initially written in 1996. remastered in 2013. dated dec 11, 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/phased-out-a-robots-lament-2
6) deleted 2013 remaster of the 1998 demo, which would later appear on my second record, inriched (inri021). initially written in 1996. recreated in april, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. dated dec 24, 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/why-2013-remaster-of-1998-demo
7) deleted 1998 edit, which would later appear on my second record, inriched (inri021). initially written in 1996. recreated and edited in april, 1998.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/why-original-1999-album-edit
8) 2013 remaster of 1996 demo cassette. initially written in 1996. remastered in 2013. dated oct 12, 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/why-2013-remaster-of-1996-demo-mix-2
9) deleted 1998 original, unsequenced mix. initially written in 1996. recreated in april, 1998. dated april 19, 1998.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/why-full-1998-mix-2
10) deleted original 1996 mix. initially written in 1996. dated oct 20, 1996.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/end-sequence-of-side-a-of-the-1996-demo-tape-2
21-07-2016: fixing inri007, closing inri009, working through april/98 and defining inri010
tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/i-did-your-mom-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/i-think-i-feel-much-better-now
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/convoy
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/wish
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/why
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/i-did-your-mom-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/i-think-i-feel-much-better-now
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/convoy
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/wish
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/why
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1
Thursday, July 21, 2016
i mother earth & tea party at edgefest ninety.....bluesfest 2016?
i remember reading an article a few years ago about how the iconic canadian rock band, the tea party (often cited in the short list of best canadian rock bands of all time), refused to sell it's domain name to the corporate-dominated american political movement of the same name. rumours were running up to seven figures. yeah, they could have used the cash. but, which koch would have written that cheque?
i missed most of the preamble, but this combined track of an original (requiem) and a well known cover that he does regularly (hurt, by nine inch nails) was dedicated to the united states in the wake of rising racial tensions and police shootings. a requiem. it's not smug. you can dwell on "what have they become?". or you could dwell on "my sweetest friends". it's more about concern than superiority. but, it's a requiem, nonetheless - a requiem in the face of what is increasingly obvious american decline. would eight figures have shut him up?
how many times have i seen the band? i don't know. lots. so, getting a chance to see jeff martin play an acoustic set opening for a reformed i mother earth was a nice addition to the show, in the sense of it being a throw back. he played mostly tea party songs, and i don't think anybody was upset about it. but, i want to point out that seeing jeff martin play acoustic is not your average folk performance. i don' check setlists; i happened to catch a more toned down track, even as it was presented kind of heavily. most of the tracks featured foot driven percussion. he was playing a 12 string at one point (the badger). the truth is that he can fill the sound up on his own: he didn't really need to bring a band with him.
as it turns out, he brought one with him, anyways.
here is a full set from the same week:
given that jeff martin was coming home from australia for the set (something he pointed out as he was playing 'coming home'), it was sort of obvious that he would at least try and get his bandmates up on stage. and, it happened to work out. this is the complete band set, at the end of his solo set. the first track is a led zeppelin cover, and the second is a track from their first record, splendor solis.
yeah. you're not seeing things.
they're on a twenty year anniversary tour for scenery and fish, and i enjoyed every second of it. again: how many times did i see this band in the 90s? i don't know. lots. the setlist was pulled from both of their records. you can pick up from the footage that the audience knew all the words...
this show was pure nostalgia, and nobody pretended otherwise. i got everything i wanted out of it: some sing-alongs, some guitar freakouts, some drum circles - and even some pot floating around through the audience. score.
you can probably pick out almost immediately that this wasn't your average 90s alt rock band. i've argued pretty strongly that they really foreshadowed the sound developed by the mars volta, although they themselves were drawing heavily on the more progressive side of alternative rock: rhcp, jane's addiction, the smashing pumpkins. with a dash of rush, for canadiana? sure, even if the lyrical references are largely on the level of satirical post-modernism rather than serious objectivism. they were and remain viciously virtuosic on their instruments, and worth the price of admission simply for that fact.
if you weren't around to see it the first time, you're not going to get as much out of this. but, it's something that kind of got lost. to be clear: they were huge in canada. when they played edgefest '98, they co-headlined a concert that included green day and foofighters as opening acts. that's right: they didn't open for foofighters and green day. green day and foofighters opened for them. that's how big they were in canada, for a few years in the 90s.
they then completely imploded before they got a chance to build an audience outside of canada - the singer bolted and the band didn't recover. this is the original singer, apparently performing with the band for the first time in 18 years. so, it's something special for us old 90s canucks.
here is a full set from earlier in the month:
i walked out of this concert completely fried due to minimal sleep, overexposure to my ears (remember: i saw swans on tuesday, too), alcohol, nicotine and the other one that's still a few months away from open mention. so, i'm not done sleeping yet. but there was an experience near the end of the show that i want to say something about. it was one of those really surreal moments of racism that you just can't do much about besides point out loudly and shake your head about. so, i'm going to scream about it for a few paragraphs.
i mother earth were a kind of iconic canadian band in the 90s, and they were uniting here with a singer they hadn't played with in many years. the announcer said 18 years. i'm not sure if that's literally true or not, but it's been a while. the audience was consequently full of nostalgia: an older and mostly white crowd rocking out to records released in 1993 and 1996. much drinking, yes.
now, everybody knows you're not supposed to smoke anything at all in these kinds of outdoor bank concerts. you're just supposed to shut up and drink your over-priced beer. that is, of course, the economic purpose of this event: to sell over-priced beer. but, you can't actually enforce this rule once the sun comes down a little, the least important reason being that most people in the crowd at rock concerts like this actually don't agree with bans on smoking at outdoor concerts. many of them actually even smoke. and, not just cigarettes.
the smell of marijuana is pretty normal at outdoor rock concerts. it's a part of the experience - whether you're actually inhaling, or just taking in the aroma. it wouldn't be a real festival, without it. whatever the eventual legality of the substance in canada, that smell is not going to lift from the concerts of the nation. there will simply be a trail of corrected signs "thank you for pot smoking".
the spirit of this event, combined with the nature of the audience, actually at one point near the end of the set had joints passing around amongst strangers. somebody decided everybody at the show ought to be high. or it seemed that way. they were just circling around. my nose and eyes caught multiple burning around me.
so, i will acknowledge that there were people smoking pot in the audience. see, but that's just it - *everybody* in the audience was smoking pot. no exaggeration. nine out of ten, anyways.
so, you'll imagine how absurd it was to watch security swoop in, walk past several burning joints and key in on the only black guy in eyesight - who, yes, was caught green-handed. like, they took it out of his hand. ok. drug abuse. but, they had to blatantly walk by scores of stoned white folks to do this, and then scores more as they were escorting him out. 90 out of 100 people in the immediate audience were stoned. it was being openly passed around. but, only one person in the audience was black.
i didn't stay for the literal headliner, so i don't know if they came back later for more minorities, or even for some white folk - or maybe if they just backed off and let people have a good time. but i know what i saw and how obvious it was.
i don't really have any point besides the obvious one: it's really not ok. i don't know exactly who the security personnel were (mall cops?), either, but....i guess the way i should articulate this to organizers is that i don't want to see anything like that ever again.
of course, this has nothing to do with the band. the actual show was excellent, for what it was. tight. no fuck-ups. the tracks were identifiable, but expanded upon enough to play out. i'd need at least two hands to count the number of times i saw this band in the 90s, and they were always a strong live set like that. so, i will actually have some footage coming up in the next few days of i mother earth with edwin in 2016. that's something that is actually happening. there's some teaparty footage, too.
here is the vlog for the day:
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2016/07/14.html
i missed most of the preamble, but this combined track of an original (requiem) and a well known cover that he does regularly (hurt, by nine inch nails) was dedicated to the united states in the wake of rising racial tensions and police shootings. a requiem. it's not smug. you can dwell on "what have they become?". or you could dwell on "my sweetest friends". it's more about concern than superiority. but, it's a requiem, nonetheless - a requiem in the face of what is increasingly obvious american decline. would eight figures have shut him up?
how many times have i seen the band? i don't know. lots. so, getting a chance to see jeff martin play an acoustic set opening for a reformed i mother earth was a nice addition to the show, in the sense of it being a throw back. he played mostly tea party songs, and i don't think anybody was upset about it. but, i want to point out that seeing jeff martin play acoustic is not your average folk performance. i don' check setlists; i happened to catch a more toned down track, even as it was presented kind of heavily. most of the tracks featured foot driven percussion. he was playing a 12 string at one point (the badger). the truth is that he can fill the sound up on his own: he didn't really need to bring a band with him.
as it turns out, he brought one with him, anyways.
here is a full set from the same week:
given that jeff martin was coming home from australia for the set (something he pointed out as he was playing 'coming home'), it was sort of obvious that he would at least try and get his bandmates up on stage. and, it happened to work out. this is the complete band set, at the end of his solo set. the first track is a led zeppelin cover, and the second is a track from their first record, splendor solis.
yeah. you're not seeing things.
they're on a twenty year anniversary tour for scenery and fish, and i enjoyed every second of it. again: how many times did i see this band in the 90s? i don't know. lots. the setlist was pulled from both of their records. you can pick up from the footage that the audience knew all the words...
this show was pure nostalgia, and nobody pretended otherwise. i got everything i wanted out of it: some sing-alongs, some guitar freakouts, some drum circles - and even some pot floating around through the audience. score.
you can probably pick out almost immediately that this wasn't your average 90s alt rock band. i've argued pretty strongly that they really foreshadowed the sound developed by the mars volta, although they themselves were drawing heavily on the more progressive side of alternative rock: rhcp, jane's addiction, the smashing pumpkins. with a dash of rush, for canadiana? sure, even if the lyrical references are largely on the level of satirical post-modernism rather than serious objectivism. they were and remain viciously virtuosic on their instruments, and worth the price of admission simply for that fact.
if you weren't around to see it the first time, you're not going to get as much out of this. but, it's something that kind of got lost. to be clear: they were huge in canada. when they played edgefest '98, they co-headlined a concert that included green day and foofighters as opening acts. that's right: they didn't open for foofighters and green day. green day and foofighters opened for them. that's how big they were in canada, for a few years in the 90s.
they then completely imploded before they got a chance to build an audience outside of canada - the singer bolted and the band didn't recover. this is the original singer, apparently performing with the band for the first time in 18 years. so, it's something special for us old 90s canucks.
here is a full set from earlier in the month:
i walked out of this concert completely fried due to minimal sleep, overexposure to my ears (remember: i saw swans on tuesday, too), alcohol, nicotine and the other one that's still a few months away from open mention. so, i'm not done sleeping yet. but there was an experience near the end of the show that i want to say something about. it was one of those really surreal moments of racism that you just can't do much about besides point out loudly and shake your head about. so, i'm going to scream about it for a few paragraphs.
i mother earth were a kind of iconic canadian band in the 90s, and they were uniting here with a singer they hadn't played with in many years. the announcer said 18 years. i'm not sure if that's literally true or not, but it's been a while. the audience was consequently full of nostalgia: an older and mostly white crowd rocking out to records released in 1993 and 1996. much drinking, yes.
now, everybody knows you're not supposed to smoke anything at all in these kinds of outdoor bank concerts. you're just supposed to shut up and drink your over-priced beer. that is, of course, the economic purpose of this event: to sell over-priced beer. but, you can't actually enforce this rule once the sun comes down a little, the least important reason being that most people in the crowd at rock concerts like this actually don't agree with bans on smoking at outdoor concerts. many of them actually even smoke. and, not just cigarettes.
the smell of marijuana is pretty normal at outdoor rock concerts. it's a part of the experience - whether you're actually inhaling, or just taking in the aroma. it wouldn't be a real festival, without it. whatever the eventual legality of the substance in canada, that smell is not going to lift from the concerts of the nation. there will simply be a trail of corrected signs "thank you for pot smoking".
the spirit of this event, combined with the nature of the audience, actually at one point near the end of the set had joints passing around amongst strangers. somebody decided everybody at the show ought to be high. or it seemed that way. they were just circling around. my nose and eyes caught multiple burning around me.
so, i will acknowledge that there were people smoking pot in the audience. see, but that's just it - *everybody* in the audience was smoking pot. no exaggeration. nine out of ten, anyways.
so, you'll imagine how absurd it was to watch security swoop in, walk past several burning joints and key in on the only black guy in eyesight - who, yes, was caught green-handed. like, they took it out of his hand. ok. drug abuse. but, they had to blatantly walk by scores of stoned white folks to do this, and then scores more as they were escorting him out. 90 out of 100 people in the immediate audience were stoned. it was being openly passed around. but, only one person in the audience was black.
i didn't stay for the literal headliner, so i don't know if they came back later for more minorities, or even for some white folk - or maybe if they just backed off and let people have a good time. but i know what i saw and how obvious it was.
i don't really have any point besides the obvious one: it's really not ok. i don't know exactly who the security personnel were (mall cops?), either, but....i guess the way i should articulate this to organizers is that i don't want to see anything like that ever again.
of course, this has nothing to do with the band. the actual show was excellent, for what it was. tight. no fuck-ups. the tracks were identifiable, but expanded upon enough to play out. i'd need at least two hands to count the number of times i saw this band in the 90s, and they were always a strong live set like that. so, i will actually have some footage coming up in the next few days of i mother earth with edwin in 2016. that's something that is actually happening. there's some teaparty footage, too.
here is the vlog for the day:
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2016/07/14.html
i decided against the play. it's this thing called "mr. burns", some kind of musical about people bonding around the simpsons after the apocalypse and then the process taking a life of it's own. i like the premise. but, i....i find the medium to usually be kind of childish: adults prancing around in masks, singing off key to poorly composed music.
it would just be very hard to put a play together that would live up to my standards.
instead, i have continued the close/review process. i want a single for think, but i need to attach it to it's noise component, which pushes it back to the end of may. likewise, a single for wish could not exist until the end of may, either. that means that the new inri010 is for the track why. i'm currently putting this together. it should be finalized today or tomorrow.
this track has a vocal version that i'd like published, which puts it in the same category as the previous singles with vocal tracks. this category had been rejected the first time through, or at least until the very end. there's also a glitch mix and some various stuff from 96 and 98.
the track is actually one of my favourites from the early period. it works on the level of political satire, on the level of industrial/no-wave dance/noise punk, on the level of guitar music and also on the level of hip-hop - which was unintended at the time. i just always listened to art rock. where's the art rock equivalent style of hip-hop? if it's out there, i never found it. but i've always dabbled around it's idm and industrial fringes, too.
anyways, the ep is currently being condensed. it's 9 tracks right now. i should be able to get that down to 5 or 6. i'll post when it's ready.
it would just be very hard to put a play together that would live up to my standards.
instead, i have continued the close/review process. i want a single for think, but i need to attach it to it's noise component, which pushes it back to the end of may. likewise, a single for wish could not exist until the end of may, either. that means that the new inri010 is for the track why. i'm currently putting this together. it should be finalized today or tomorrow.
this track has a vocal version that i'd like published, which puts it in the same category as the previous singles with vocal tracks. this category had been rejected the first time through, or at least until the very end. there's also a glitch mix and some various stuff from 96 and 98.
the track is actually one of my favourites from the early period. it works on the level of political satire, on the level of industrial/no-wave dance/noise punk, on the level of guitar music and also on the level of hip-hop - which was unintended at the time. i just always listened to art rock. where's the art rock equivalent style of hip-hop? if it's out there, i never found it. but i've always dabbled around it's idm and industrial fringes, too.
anyways, the ep is currently being condensed. it's 9 tracks right now. i should be able to get that down to 5 or 6. i'll post when it's ready.
deathtokoalas
i've been saying for a while that trump = gadget.
it's like gta.
but, what i'm looking for is a screen shot of those swirly eyes that comes up whenever somebody gets under mind control. point me to the right episode, if you can?
Cheyenne Cook
I think you are thinking of episode 10...A Star Is Lost where Claw wants to use superstar Rick Rocker to make a record that can control minds
deathtokoalas
naw, that's not the one. but i found the screen shot i wanted in a christmas special, where they brainwashed the elves.
i've been saying for a while that trump = gadget.
it's like gta.
but, what i'm looking for is a screen shot of those swirly eyes that comes up whenever somebody gets under mind control. point me to the right episode, if you can?
Cheyenne Cook
I think you are thinking of episode 10...A Star Is Lost where Claw wants to use superstar Rick Rocker to make a record that can control minds
deathtokoalas
naw, that's not the one. but i found the screen shot i wanted in a christmas special, where they brainwashed the elves.
good morning. afternoon. evening and goodnight?
i've got the cover art for inri009 up, along with the link to the physical disc. in the process, i added a hidden track to inri007. so, i have three tracks now with inricycled b fragments - 006, 007, 009 - and they all show up as hidden tracks on the disc. that's a pattern. you'll notice these patterns, if you'd like to.
that closes everything up to the end of march, 1998 and i can't for a moment think of anything else i'd like to add to any of these releases, except the eventual liner notes at the twenty year final close point.
i'd like to see a play tonight. but, i'll be making choices about the remaining april tracks. i'm leaning towards the maximal exploration at this point.
i need to eat and then formally close inri009 over the vlog. so, this may be the last post until tommorow.
i've got the cover art for inri009 up, along with the link to the physical disc. in the process, i added a hidden track to inri007. so, i have three tracks now with inricycled b fragments - 006, 007, 009 - and they all show up as hidden tracks on the disc. that's a pattern. you'll notice these patterns, if you'd like to.
that closes everything up to the end of march, 1998 and i can't for a moment think of anything else i'd like to add to any of these releases, except the eventual liner notes at the twenty year final close point.
i'd like to see a play tonight. but, i'll be making choices about the remaining april tracks. i'm leaning towards the maximal exploration at this point.
i need to eat and then formally close inri009 over the vlog. so, this may be the last post until tommorow.
refinalizing confused (inri007)
hidden track added to inri007. audio permanently closed.
===
so, how exactly does one go about being transgendered, anyways? i mean, like anything else, i guess you have to come to terms with it, first. then, what?
it was the "what next?" part that took me a very long time to grapple with before i was able to come to some kind of course of action. i don't remember exactly how old i was when i realized that i was more like a girl than a boy, but i will state that my thought process was always that i was like a girl, rather than that i was a girl. i have to be blunt: i was a precocious child. i understood the biology of sexual organs at a pretty young age. i knew which organ i had, that it was the same as the one my dad had and that it was different than my mom. i never felt as though i was in the wrong body - that's not how i'd articulate it. i knew i was male. but, all my friends were girls. i preferred to do "girl things". so, i realized at a very, very young age that i was more similar to the girls in my life than to the boys, despite being well aware that i was genetically a boy. it functioned more on the level of social inclusion and conscious choice of gender role than it did on the level of anything biological. am i really that atypical? i don't know. but, i know that i never had any difficulty at all, whatsoever, in separating between sex, gender and gender roles. so, for example: i have very early memories of asking my mom to let me wear lipstick, and of asking to get my ears pierced (3,4 years old) but i don't attach those memories to feelings of gender dysphoria. i didn't see any reason why boys couldn't wear make-up. further, nobody really "corrected" me on it. so, i grew up without any shame or second thoughts attached to being a boy that was more like a girl, and consequently without any particularly strong urges to become a girl. my very early life actually finds it's best explanation in the theories of radical feminism: because the gender binary was never enforced on me, i never felt oppressed by it. i have to argue for a very healthy early upbringing.
what screwed me up and set me back a good ten years was the school system. when i got there at the age of four and a half, i wouldn't talk to the boys. i wanted to skip rope and play hopscotch with the girls. well, all my friends were girls. i didn't know how to play with the boys. what's a marble? i just didn't know. i got stuck with a fossil of a kindergarten teacher that actually flat out banned me from skipping rope. worse, she banned me from reading books. my absolutely docile and clinically rational temperament at that age probably worked against me. but, i had two choices: i could play with the trucks with the boys in the corner or i could go to sleep.
in fact, i slept a lot.
but, gradually, the system socialized me as a male. or, at least it seemed like it did.
my path through elementary school didn't really ease up on the gender segregation until the seventh grade, at which point it was essentially too late. the system had successfully prevented me from socializing with girls, but had never taught me how to socialize with boys. so, i had spent the last twelve years of school in social isolation, usually without any friends at all. i'd lost the opportunity to have all the gendered experiences one associates with childhood - which means i was deeply socially stunted. i was still pretty smart, academically speaking. however, i was operating at the social level of a much younger child because the school system had arrested my social development through segregating me into a gender role that i didn't understand how to fulfill.
by the time i got around to writing this song at the age of 16, i'd just become entirely stoic about the whole thing. i knew i was more like a girl, but what exactly was i going to do about it? i guess i had the perspective, at 16, that life was largely about managing misfortune and you just have to deal with shit, whether you like it or not.
rational? perhaps, from a certain perspective. it gnawed at me, though. the trauma underlying the track was the realization that i was a good part of the way through puberty, without ever having signed up for it. this was by no means unexpected, either, and i didn't ultimately feel that i had any recourse of action in preventing it. but, i felt like i'd been cheated out of something and was being forced into something i didn't remotely want.
as with the rest of the early tracks, the lyrics here are at their core the exploration of a morbid fantasy. i'm taking things too far, i'm taking any excuse i can to keep taking things too far and i'm enjoying watching you squirm when i do it. in one sense, it's a sarcastic allegory on the question of thinking with one's cock, which is a bio-chemical problem that all testosterone producers are forced to come to terms with at some point. in another sense, it's a transgendered teenager carrying out a sort of morbid fantasy and desperately looking for a way to prevent the masculinization of my body.
it took me another five years or so of internal struggle before i could get to the point where i saw hormone therapy as a realistic option, rather than a kind of utopian fantasy that would be perpetually out of reach until i finally expired.
this is the only period 1 piece that was further expanded through the addition of some bass and piano sequencing near the start of the piece. the vocals were also brought back in without redaction. so, this ep starts off with a full reconstruction of the piece that is only available on this single. the ep further comprehensively documents all other released versions of the track.
initially written in 1997. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 5, 2015. remixed july 12, 2015. electronics added on july 16, 2015. compiled on jan 4, 2016. sequenced on jan 6-8, 2016. finalized on july 10, 2016. hidden track added and refinalized on july 21, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, vocals, synthesizers, drum programming, drum kit, sequencing, sampling, digital wave editing, production
released february 6, 1998
===
so, how exactly does one go about being transgendered, anyways? i mean, like anything else, i guess you have to come to terms with it, first. then, what?
it was the "what next?" part that took me a very long time to grapple with before i was able to come to some kind of course of action. i don't remember exactly how old i was when i realized that i was more like a girl than a boy, but i will state that my thought process was always that i was like a girl, rather than that i was a girl. i have to be blunt: i was a precocious child. i understood the biology of sexual organs at a pretty young age. i knew which organ i had, that it was the same as the one my dad had and that it was different than my mom. i never felt as though i was in the wrong body - that's not how i'd articulate it. i knew i was male. but, all my friends were girls. i preferred to do "girl things". so, i realized at a very, very young age that i was more similar to the girls in my life than to the boys, despite being well aware that i was genetically a boy. it functioned more on the level of social inclusion and conscious choice of gender role than it did on the level of anything biological. am i really that atypical? i don't know. but, i know that i never had any difficulty at all, whatsoever, in separating between sex, gender and gender roles. so, for example: i have very early memories of asking my mom to let me wear lipstick, and of asking to get my ears pierced (3,4 years old) but i don't attach those memories to feelings of gender dysphoria. i didn't see any reason why boys couldn't wear make-up. further, nobody really "corrected" me on it. so, i grew up without any shame or second thoughts attached to being a boy that was more like a girl, and consequently without any particularly strong urges to become a girl. my very early life actually finds it's best explanation in the theories of radical feminism: because the gender binary was never enforced on me, i never felt oppressed by it. i have to argue for a very healthy early upbringing.
what screwed me up and set me back a good ten years was the school system. when i got there at the age of four and a half, i wouldn't talk to the boys. i wanted to skip rope and play hopscotch with the girls. well, all my friends were girls. i didn't know how to play with the boys. what's a marble? i just didn't know. i got stuck with a fossil of a kindergarten teacher that actually flat out banned me from skipping rope. worse, she banned me from reading books. my absolutely docile and clinically rational temperament at that age probably worked against me. but, i had two choices: i could play with the trucks with the boys in the corner or i could go to sleep.
in fact, i slept a lot.
but, gradually, the system socialized me as a male. or, at least it seemed like it did.
my path through elementary school didn't really ease up on the gender segregation until the seventh grade, at which point it was essentially too late. the system had successfully prevented me from socializing with girls, but had never taught me how to socialize with boys. so, i had spent the last twelve years of school in social isolation, usually without any friends at all. i'd lost the opportunity to have all the gendered experiences one associates with childhood - which means i was deeply socially stunted. i was still pretty smart, academically speaking. however, i was operating at the social level of a much younger child because the school system had arrested my social development through segregating me into a gender role that i didn't understand how to fulfill.
by the time i got around to writing this song at the age of 16, i'd just become entirely stoic about the whole thing. i knew i was more like a girl, but what exactly was i going to do about it? i guess i had the perspective, at 16, that life was largely about managing misfortune and you just have to deal with shit, whether you like it or not.
rational? perhaps, from a certain perspective. it gnawed at me, though. the trauma underlying the track was the realization that i was a good part of the way through puberty, without ever having signed up for it. this was by no means unexpected, either, and i didn't ultimately feel that i had any recourse of action in preventing it. but, i felt like i'd been cheated out of something and was being forced into something i didn't remotely want.
as with the rest of the early tracks, the lyrics here are at their core the exploration of a morbid fantasy. i'm taking things too far, i'm taking any excuse i can to keep taking things too far and i'm enjoying watching you squirm when i do it. in one sense, it's a sarcastic allegory on the question of thinking with one's cock, which is a bio-chemical problem that all testosterone producers are forced to come to terms with at some point. in another sense, it's a transgendered teenager carrying out a sort of morbid fantasy and desperately looking for a way to prevent the masculinization of my body.
it took me another five years or so of internal struggle before i could get to the point where i saw hormone therapy as a realistic option, rather than a kind of utopian fantasy that would be perpetually out of reach until i finally expired.
this is the only period 1 piece that was further expanded through the addition of some bass and piano sequencing near the start of the piece. the vocals were also brought back in without redaction. so, this ep starts off with a full reconstruction of the piece that is only available on this single. the ep further comprehensively documents all other released versions of the track.
initially written in 1997. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 5, 2015. remixed july 12, 2015. electronics added on july 16, 2015. compiled on jan 4, 2016. sequenced on jan 6-8, 2016. finalized on july 10, 2016. hidden track added and refinalized on july 21, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, vocals, synthesizers, drum programming, drum kit, sequencing, sampling, digital wave editing, production
released february 6, 1998
Wednesday, July 20, 2016
finalizing i did your mom (inri009)
audio permanently closed for inri009.
===
this is the final version of something i'd been playing with since about '94 or so, and by this time the track had become something that was beyond absurd. in a way, this is the culmination of everything i did in this period. it's the central track of my inri years: it's both the first thing i spent any time seriously writing and the ultimate realization of the musical ideas i was exploring. it's the longest track on the first demo. the drum programming is deep, there's an orchestration through sequencing, synth parts in the background, lead guitar work coming to the forefront - it's everything thrown together at a coherent level, really for the first time.
that this is the central track of this period maybe demonstrates how ridiculous i was and how ridiculous my musical vision was. maybe it also demonstrates just how young i was.
the remaining tracks in this period sort of pivot after this.
i should be clear: this is pretty much the most terrible song that you could possibly imagine existing, and that was kind of the intent. the shock value is entirely up front. but at the same time, it's just so terrible that it's kind of funny, and that was entirely intended as well.
you could maybe say something about how somebody like alice cooper ripping live chicken heads off in the middle of a performance is just about the most tyrannical thing you could imagine somebody getting away with on stage. it's just so ridiculous, that you can't help but laugh - even as you're horrified.
it's a phase a lot of teenagers go through. i guess the difference between me and a hundred thousand other kids is that i was exploring it through composition.
-
now that i'm an adult, this isn't something i would write or promote. yet, i sort of am by uploading it. the interest here is to document the existence of a troubled child. well, and to document myself - i was that troubled child.
the history of the track is perhaps a little less obnoxious than may be suspected. i was actually being taunted by somebody in the eighth grade. that person had never met and never would meet my mother. it's just a remark that young boys make. freudian analyses aside, i don't think there's really that much conscious thought put into it.
my decision to write a song about it was half a joke and half a response to being teased. i listened to and feigned laughter at a lot of oppressive jokes when i was younger; to an extent, i regret not speaking up, but i can state with honesty that i never felt comfortable taking part (now, self-deprecating humour, often of a sexual nature, is another thing). this reaction, on that "fuck you" level, shouldn't provide for any specific discomfort.
however, the fact that i explored the topic in a deeper level of depth than my taunters did perhaps might, and perhaps should. i need to bring you back to my aims in recording this early demo: i was trying to be as disturbing and shocking as i possibly could be. my taunters provided me with a particularly disturbing subject matter to explore, and i took full advantage of that.
this track is certainly disturbing and certainly shocking. success? well, i guess. looking back, i've always been torn between regret and satisfaction. i still am...
initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed & remixed on july 18, 2015. released jan 7, 2016. sequenced jan 6-8, 2016. finalized on july 20, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
the album version of this track appears on my first record, inri (inri015): jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-3
this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1996, 1998, 2013, 2015, 2016).
credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, vocals, drum programming, drum kit, synths, sequencers, sampling, digital wave editing, production
released march 20, 1998
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/i-did-your-mom-2
===
this is the final version of something i'd been playing with since about '94 or so, and by this time the track had become something that was beyond absurd. in a way, this is the culmination of everything i did in this period. it's the central track of my inri years: it's both the first thing i spent any time seriously writing and the ultimate realization of the musical ideas i was exploring. it's the longest track on the first demo. the drum programming is deep, there's an orchestration through sequencing, synth parts in the background, lead guitar work coming to the forefront - it's everything thrown together at a coherent level, really for the first time.
that this is the central track of this period maybe demonstrates how ridiculous i was and how ridiculous my musical vision was. maybe it also demonstrates just how young i was.
the remaining tracks in this period sort of pivot after this.
i should be clear: this is pretty much the most terrible song that you could possibly imagine existing, and that was kind of the intent. the shock value is entirely up front. but at the same time, it's just so terrible that it's kind of funny, and that was entirely intended as well.
you could maybe say something about how somebody like alice cooper ripping live chicken heads off in the middle of a performance is just about the most tyrannical thing you could imagine somebody getting away with on stage. it's just so ridiculous, that you can't help but laugh - even as you're horrified.
it's a phase a lot of teenagers go through. i guess the difference between me and a hundred thousand other kids is that i was exploring it through composition.
-
now that i'm an adult, this isn't something i would write or promote. yet, i sort of am by uploading it. the interest here is to document the existence of a troubled child. well, and to document myself - i was that troubled child.
the history of the track is perhaps a little less obnoxious than may be suspected. i was actually being taunted by somebody in the eighth grade. that person had never met and never would meet my mother. it's just a remark that young boys make. freudian analyses aside, i don't think there's really that much conscious thought put into it.
my decision to write a song about it was half a joke and half a response to being teased. i listened to and feigned laughter at a lot of oppressive jokes when i was younger; to an extent, i regret not speaking up, but i can state with honesty that i never felt comfortable taking part (now, self-deprecating humour, often of a sexual nature, is another thing). this reaction, on that "fuck you" level, shouldn't provide for any specific discomfort.
however, the fact that i explored the topic in a deeper level of depth than my taunters did perhaps might, and perhaps should. i need to bring you back to my aims in recording this early demo: i was trying to be as disturbing and shocking as i possibly could be. my taunters provided me with a particularly disturbing subject matter to explore, and i took full advantage of that.
this track is certainly disturbing and certainly shocking. success? well, i guess. looking back, i've always been torn between regret and satisfaction. i still am...
initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed & remixed on july 18, 2015. released jan 7, 2016. sequenced jan 6-8, 2016. finalized on july 20, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
the album version of this track appears on my first record, inri (inri015): jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-3
this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1996, 1998, 2013, 2015, 2016).
credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, vocals, drum programming, drum kit, synths, sequencers, sampling, digital wave editing, production
released march 20, 1998
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/i-did-your-mom-2
refinalizing skaters (inri005)
lead track added to inri005. audio permanently closed.
===
this is maybe a little hard to understand, if you weren't a teenager in a very specific period - about '91-'99, the 90s i guess, when the nu metal shift "corrected" things and tough guys went backing to being metalheads.
that period overlaps with a period when punk fashion moved from subculture to dominant culture. as with any other failed social revolution, the period is more defined by certain subculture traits being co-opted than it was by any meaningful change in social attitudes, even if it did correspond with a move towards liberalizing social attitudes in the older members of gen x.
i remember playing this for my aunt, who was a teenager in the 80s, and she was just confused by it. in her day, the skaters were the skinny punk kids that got picked on by the meathead jock metal heads. as mentioned, i think people that were teenagers in the 00s may more readily associate with this as well.
but the 90s were weird in this sense. skater culture in the 90s was defined by a sort of thuggish machismo gang mentality that overlapped more into gangster rap than punk rock. what you had where i grew up was a lot of upper middle class white kids skating because it was advertised to them as the "cool thing to do" and in the process co-opting this sort of survivalist 'hood mentality into a tool of oppression that they used to bully and intimidate the kids that, a decade before, would have identified as skateboarders. those kids may have maintained an interest in punk rock, but weren't generally accepted into the skater clique - which was essentially the "in group".
the culmination may seem a little surreal nowadays, if for no other reason than that it's been forgotten. but i remember sneaking through back alleys, evading skateboarding gangs made up of kids into slayer, while i had socal punk music blasting through my headphones. and i'm sure you'll get similar stories if you ask around - or maybe you were also that kid.
on one hand, this track was constructed to be sort of precious, and i think that it is. it's a pretty catchy pop song, really. on the other hand, i think i was trying to be a bit tougher than i actually was. i wasn't one to back down from confrontation - i'm still not. while i think it's true that i could have taken most of these brats one-on-one, i probably would have mostly chosen not to. see, the fear was always more that they'd convert the boards into weapons and then jump you. in canada, guns aren't much of a concern, but knives are.
...and the fear often came out of trivial reasons. talking with somebody's girlfriend. having a pair of headphones or a pair of shoes that might be worth something. basic thug shit.
in hindsight, the analysis here is a little simplistic. suggesting that these kids are going to grow up into pimps is problematic on numerous levels, although i can state with blunt honesty that a number of the people the song was about have grown up to be petty criminals with lengthy criminal records. i have to own that lack of depth and how it comes out in sometimes less than ideal statements, but i'm going to once again blame that on my age.
overall, i like this track on both a musical and thematic level. i just wish i had articulated myself a little bit better.
===
there was a specific story that influenced the track. when i was in the ninth grade, one of these skater bro types took it upon himself to start body-checking me into lockers. it was well understood that this person was older, but that just gave him more clout in the school's skater clique; he knew the older kids that they looked up to. i was never certain if he was on his second or third try at grade 9.
this wasn't the first time somebody had tried to get physical with me, but it was an escalation that i couldn't really tolerate. people flicking my ears was an annoyance, and especially so when it was a game, but it's the kind of thing one withstands. these were full on, run-at-me body checks that seemed to be designed with intent to harm.
i actually tried a few different tactics before i reacted. i tried sitting behind in class until he left, but it was visibly starting to make the female teacher uncomfortable that i was just sitting around waiting after class - and perhaps not unreasonably so. as for bringing it up with the teacher? well, this guy went out of his way to look for a teacher watching before he took a run. i couldn't be followed around by a teacher all day. i had to react on my own.
so, i tricked him into running at my open leg, which had him fall face first into the locker. he did not see the retribution in the act; he got up looking for a fight. as i was walking toward the exit, which was a staircase downwards, he took another run at me - which i dodged. that was an adrenaline filled movement, i tell you - he was full of stupid, hot rage and sidestepped like an angry bull. but, i still had to time it. there was no escape. he ended up falling down several flights of stairs and breaking his leg. consider what would have happened if i hadn't moved - even considering that i may have helped him lose his balance, a little.
from that point onwards, i lived in fear of being swarmed. rumours were floating around that i'd better stay away from certain people - which was a broadcast to me to stay low. i got the message, and spent the next several years sneaking around back passageways in and out of the school. i learned where the cuts in the fences were, how to detour across floor levels to follow the crowd, how to time the bus (we had public transit passes - and that fact alone probably spared me broken bones) to come in to class during the national anthem and other various scheduling and transiting tactics to avoid being alone at critical junctures. and, then i started to enjoy living that way, too.
i don't think that student came back the next year, so i'm not sure if he ever finished grade 9. but, part of the reason i'm telling you this story is that it helps paint a clearer demographic picture of the narrative that i'm presenting. if you remove the "skater" designation, this could be a story about gangs in schools that could be applied equally well across any other grouping. it just happened to be that the gangs at my school were populated by white skater kids, some from the welfare projects and others comfortably middle class. that might help to explain what some might see as a difficult reference point.
== =
i've presented this track in chronological ordering because i wanted to tell the story of the track itself. looking through my releases, it may be difficult to tell what is an ep from what is a single, and what is an ep from what is a record. this is an ep, and not a single. it's an ep because it's a conceptual ordering of the tracks, rather than just an exploration of a single incarnation of a specific track.
i don't deny that the lyrics are painful. and, wasn't i supposed to be getting rid of painful vocals? well, perhaps. but, note that no vocal takes of this track make it on to any of the abum-format presentations of it, excepting inricycled. the vocals are tied into the concept of the ep, which is a narration of the song as it developed.
so, chronological ordering is the only rational way to present the tracks. further, a comprehensive exploration of the track's development actually becomes necessary, in order to narrate it's entire development.
i'm not going to take this approach to every single. i just think that this track had to be preserved in this kind of way.
initially written in 1997. recreated in jan, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 1, 2015. deconstructed dec 18, 2015. compiled on jan 4, 2016. finalized on july 6, 2016. lead track added and refinalized july 20, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
this release is compiled on inriℵ0:
jasonparent.bandcamp.com/merch/inri-box-set
this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1997, 1998, 2013, 2016).
credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, drum programming, drum kit, sequencing, vocal noises, vocals, samples, production
released january 12, 1998
===
this is maybe a little hard to understand, if you weren't a teenager in a very specific period - about '91-'99, the 90s i guess, when the nu metal shift "corrected" things and tough guys went backing to being metalheads.
that period overlaps with a period when punk fashion moved from subculture to dominant culture. as with any other failed social revolution, the period is more defined by certain subculture traits being co-opted than it was by any meaningful change in social attitudes, even if it did correspond with a move towards liberalizing social attitudes in the older members of gen x.
i remember playing this for my aunt, who was a teenager in the 80s, and she was just confused by it. in her day, the skaters were the skinny punk kids that got picked on by the meathead jock metal heads. as mentioned, i think people that were teenagers in the 00s may more readily associate with this as well.
but the 90s were weird in this sense. skater culture in the 90s was defined by a sort of thuggish machismo gang mentality that overlapped more into gangster rap than punk rock. what you had where i grew up was a lot of upper middle class white kids skating because it was advertised to them as the "cool thing to do" and in the process co-opting this sort of survivalist 'hood mentality into a tool of oppression that they used to bully and intimidate the kids that, a decade before, would have identified as skateboarders. those kids may have maintained an interest in punk rock, but weren't generally accepted into the skater clique - which was essentially the "in group".
the culmination may seem a little surreal nowadays, if for no other reason than that it's been forgotten. but i remember sneaking through back alleys, evading skateboarding gangs made up of kids into slayer, while i had socal punk music blasting through my headphones. and i'm sure you'll get similar stories if you ask around - or maybe you were also that kid.
on one hand, this track was constructed to be sort of precious, and i think that it is. it's a pretty catchy pop song, really. on the other hand, i think i was trying to be a bit tougher than i actually was. i wasn't one to back down from confrontation - i'm still not. while i think it's true that i could have taken most of these brats one-on-one, i probably would have mostly chosen not to. see, the fear was always more that they'd convert the boards into weapons and then jump you. in canada, guns aren't much of a concern, but knives are.
...and the fear often came out of trivial reasons. talking with somebody's girlfriend. having a pair of headphones or a pair of shoes that might be worth something. basic thug shit.
in hindsight, the analysis here is a little simplistic. suggesting that these kids are going to grow up into pimps is problematic on numerous levels, although i can state with blunt honesty that a number of the people the song was about have grown up to be petty criminals with lengthy criminal records. i have to own that lack of depth and how it comes out in sometimes less than ideal statements, but i'm going to once again blame that on my age.
overall, i like this track on both a musical and thematic level. i just wish i had articulated myself a little bit better.
===
there was a specific story that influenced the track. when i was in the ninth grade, one of these skater bro types took it upon himself to start body-checking me into lockers. it was well understood that this person was older, but that just gave him more clout in the school's skater clique; he knew the older kids that they looked up to. i was never certain if he was on his second or third try at grade 9.
this wasn't the first time somebody had tried to get physical with me, but it was an escalation that i couldn't really tolerate. people flicking my ears was an annoyance, and especially so when it was a game, but it's the kind of thing one withstands. these were full on, run-at-me body checks that seemed to be designed with intent to harm.
i actually tried a few different tactics before i reacted. i tried sitting behind in class until he left, but it was visibly starting to make the female teacher uncomfortable that i was just sitting around waiting after class - and perhaps not unreasonably so. as for bringing it up with the teacher? well, this guy went out of his way to look for a teacher watching before he took a run. i couldn't be followed around by a teacher all day. i had to react on my own.
so, i tricked him into running at my open leg, which had him fall face first into the locker. he did not see the retribution in the act; he got up looking for a fight. as i was walking toward the exit, which was a staircase downwards, he took another run at me - which i dodged. that was an adrenaline filled movement, i tell you - he was full of stupid, hot rage and sidestepped like an angry bull. but, i still had to time it. there was no escape. he ended up falling down several flights of stairs and breaking his leg. consider what would have happened if i hadn't moved - even considering that i may have helped him lose his balance, a little.
from that point onwards, i lived in fear of being swarmed. rumours were floating around that i'd better stay away from certain people - which was a broadcast to me to stay low. i got the message, and spent the next several years sneaking around back passageways in and out of the school. i learned where the cuts in the fences were, how to detour across floor levels to follow the crowd, how to time the bus (we had public transit passes - and that fact alone probably spared me broken bones) to come in to class during the national anthem and other various scheduling and transiting tactics to avoid being alone at critical junctures. and, then i started to enjoy living that way, too.
i don't think that student came back the next year, so i'm not sure if he ever finished grade 9. but, part of the reason i'm telling you this story is that it helps paint a clearer demographic picture of the narrative that i'm presenting. if you remove the "skater" designation, this could be a story about gangs in schools that could be applied equally well across any other grouping. it just happened to be that the gangs at my school were populated by white skater kids, some from the welfare projects and others comfortably middle class. that might help to explain what some might see as a difficult reference point.
== =
i've presented this track in chronological ordering because i wanted to tell the story of the track itself. looking through my releases, it may be difficult to tell what is an ep from what is a single, and what is an ep from what is a record. this is an ep, and not a single. it's an ep because it's a conceptual ordering of the tracks, rather than just an exploration of a single incarnation of a specific track.
i don't deny that the lyrics are painful. and, wasn't i supposed to be getting rid of painful vocals? well, perhaps. but, note that no vocal takes of this track make it on to any of the abum-format presentations of it, excepting inricycled. the vocals are tied into the concept of the ep, which is a narration of the song as it developed.
so, chronological ordering is the only rational way to present the tracks. further, a comprehensive exploration of the track's development actually becomes necessary, in order to narrate it's entire development.
i'm not going to take this approach to every single. i just think that this track had to be preserved in this kind of way.
initially written in 1997. recreated in jan, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 1, 2015. deconstructed dec 18, 2015. compiled on jan 4, 2016. finalized on july 6, 2016. lead track added and refinalized july 20, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
this release is compiled on inriℵ0:
jasonparent.bandcamp.com/merch/inri-box-set
this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1997, 1998, 2013, 2016).
credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, drum programming, drum kit, sequencing, vocal noises, vocals, samples, production
released january 12, 1998
Tuesday, July 19, 2016
swans.
swans. fuck.
swans...
i feel like i should have a novel to write, here. i've stated a few times that the shortest reviews are the best shows. it kind of doesn't matter.
i'm ultimately going to refer you to the vlog, other than to point out that i wasn't paying a lot of attention to the show in the weeks leading up to it. i made a choice a few weeks ago that i'd wait to see the show before i heard the disc. it was part out of pragmatism: i've been closing discs this week. so, i kind of stumbled the few blocks there, and then stumbled the few blocks back, after.
i really should have been tired. i only had a few hours worth of sleep. yet, i got a boost of energy walking out that lasted me until well into the next day. i think this was as psychological as it was anything else; the excitement didn't hit me until i was there, and it didn't peak until i walked out.
in hindsight, i can see that the show was *meant* to have a kind of mystical quality to it. i point out in the vlog that the feeling gira is alluding to in describing a spiritual connection is really just the coming together of human beings. i think it's ultimately a sad reflection on the neo-liberal era that it's most important artistic creators are so alienated from social connectivity that they misinterpret social connectedness as something divine. but, then again, that's why we do the organized religion thing in the first place, right?
the show was in a deconsecrated church. at the end of the day, discussions and debates aside, i'd certainly rather worship with swans than with any kind of organized religion.
if you've yet to experience swans, you likely only have a few weeks left in which to do so. i cannot overstate how strongly i recommend doing so.
here is some footage from the show:
here is a full set:
& here is the day's vlog, with a more lengthy review:
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2016/07/12.html
swans...
i feel like i should have a novel to write, here. i've stated a few times that the shortest reviews are the best shows. it kind of doesn't matter.
i'm ultimately going to refer you to the vlog, other than to point out that i wasn't paying a lot of attention to the show in the weeks leading up to it. i made a choice a few weeks ago that i'd wait to see the show before i heard the disc. it was part out of pragmatism: i've been closing discs this week. so, i kind of stumbled the few blocks there, and then stumbled the few blocks back, after.
i really should have been tired. i only had a few hours worth of sleep. yet, i got a boost of energy walking out that lasted me until well into the next day. i think this was as psychological as it was anything else; the excitement didn't hit me until i was there, and it didn't peak until i walked out.
in hindsight, i can see that the show was *meant* to have a kind of mystical quality to it. i point out in the vlog that the feeling gira is alluding to in describing a spiritual connection is really just the coming together of human beings. i think it's ultimately a sad reflection on the neo-liberal era that it's most important artistic creators are so alienated from social connectivity that they misinterpret social connectedness as something divine. but, then again, that's why we do the organized religion thing in the first place, right?
the show was in a deconsecrated church. at the end of the day, discussions and debates aside, i'd certainly rather worship with swans than with any kind of organized religion.
if you've yet to experience swans, you likely only have a few weeks left in which to do so. i cannot overstate how strongly i recommend doing so.
here is some footage from the show:
here is a full set:
& here is the day's vlog, with a more lengthy review:
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2016/07/12.html
Monday, July 18, 2016
18-07-2016: talking through some sequencing decisions for inri004-inri009 (new inri009...)
tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/fuck-the-dead
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/skaters
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/useless
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/confused-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/hey-god-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/schizoid-terrorist-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/i-did-your-mom-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/relax
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/hurricane
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/fuck-the-dead
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/skaters
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/useless
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/confused-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/hey-god-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/schizoid-terrorist-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/i-did-your-mom-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/relax
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/hurricane
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1
refinalizing hey god (inri008)
bonus tracks added to inri008. audio permanently closed.
==
my recollection of the initial recording of this track is unfortunately somewhat vague. when we push our memories like i'm trying to, we become more likely to imagine the past in terms that never actually existed. so, how real is this vague memory of wanting to hear some backwards guitars? i fear that it's perilous to try and force my mind to be more specific.
it's at least fully consistent with what i know about the situation. this was initially the second track recorded in my basement studio in the fall of 1996. so, i was still at the point where i was looking to try things in the studio for the first time. as for backwards guitars? i was very interested in both zappa and hendrix (two of my biggest guitar influences) at the time, and that is actually blatantly obvious if you listen to inri000. they both used backwards guitars. there are multiple occasions on inri000 (and afterwards...) where the nods to both of these players are beyond heavy-sleeved. so, my vague memory at the very least makes sense.
how i made the jump from trying to create a backwards guitar solo to turning a song into a palindrome is another question and i don't really have a good answer besides stumbling upon it as i was listening to it. clearly, it is the case that this struck me as a good idea at some point along the way.
when i went to recreate the track in early 1998, i felt the need to recreate the palindrome effect. so, i never saved any version of the track in forward order (without the backwards overdub) or released it in any kind of way. for all these years, there has simply never been a forwards version of the track.
the remastering process over 2015 has finally given me the opportunity to create a forwards version and spin it off as a single for the express reason of documenting the track as it was actually initially written, which was as a fairly straight forward alternative pop song. that's a description that i do believe is very old. yet, i may be imagining the past, too...
the new album mix is a palindrome, as it always has been. the electronics mix is constructed using the same algorithm. the backwards mix is just literally that. combined together, the forwards and backwards mixes create the album version. the 2013 remasters are appended as bonuses.
initially written in 1996. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed june 29, 2015. remixed july 15, 2015. compiled on jan 4, 2016. finalized on july 11, 2016. bonus tracks added and re-finalized on july 18, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
regarding the subject matter of the deleted vocals/lyrics, please see the following vlog (which is also available on inriℵ0).
credits
j - guitars, effects, bass, drum programming, digital wave editing, loops, vocals, drum kit, tapes, production
released february 11, 1998
==
my recollection of the initial recording of this track is unfortunately somewhat vague. when we push our memories like i'm trying to, we become more likely to imagine the past in terms that never actually existed. so, how real is this vague memory of wanting to hear some backwards guitars? i fear that it's perilous to try and force my mind to be more specific.
it's at least fully consistent with what i know about the situation. this was initially the second track recorded in my basement studio in the fall of 1996. so, i was still at the point where i was looking to try things in the studio for the first time. as for backwards guitars? i was very interested in both zappa and hendrix (two of my biggest guitar influences) at the time, and that is actually blatantly obvious if you listen to inri000. they both used backwards guitars. there are multiple occasions on inri000 (and afterwards...) where the nods to both of these players are beyond heavy-sleeved. so, my vague memory at the very least makes sense.
how i made the jump from trying to create a backwards guitar solo to turning a song into a palindrome is another question and i don't really have a good answer besides stumbling upon it as i was listening to it. clearly, it is the case that this struck me as a good idea at some point along the way.
when i went to recreate the track in early 1998, i felt the need to recreate the palindrome effect. so, i never saved any version of the track in forward order (without the backwards overdub) or released it in any kind of way. for all these years, there has simply never been a forwards version of the track.
the remastering process over 2015 has finally given me the opportunity to create a forwards version and spin it off as a single for the express reason of documenting the track as it was actually initially written, which was as a fairly straight forward alternative pop song. that's a description that i do believe is very old. yet, i may be imagining the past, too...
the new album mix is a palindrome, as it always has been. the electronics mix is constructed using the same algorithm. the backwards mix is just literally that. combined together, the forwards and backwards mixes create the album version. the 2013 remasters are appended as bonuses.
initially written in 1996. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed june 29, 2015. remixed july 15, 2015. compiled on jan 4, 2016. finalized on july 11, 2016. bonus tracks added and re-finalized on july 18, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
regarding the subject matter of the deleted vocals/lyrics, please see the following vlog (which is also available on inriℵ0).
credits
j - guitars, effects, bass, drum programming, digital wave editing, loops, vocals, drum kit, tapes, production
released february 11, 1998
refinalizing useless (inri006)
hidden track added to inri006. audio permanently closed
==
the christmas of 1997 was a good one. in addition to getting a four-track recorder to multitrack with, i also ended up with a jx-8p for my birthday, which is in early january. now that i could use the computer a little bit, i decided that i was finally ready to do some serious recording.
i had committed myself to reapproaching the first demo tapes and rerecording certain tracks to reflect the uplift that they got from the drum machine; that is, i had already dramatically rewritten most of the tracks around the drum machine, so i felt i should rerecord them. now, i was going to need to uplift some of those tracks a second time with synthesizer parts. i knew which tracks i wanted to approach and how, but i wanted to ease myself in a little. so, i picked a new track as my first synthesizer experiment.
that is a large part of what this track is. i had the lyrics pre-written, actually, and knew that i wanted a spooky kind of atmosphere to the track. so, i was approaching the synth with the question of how to manipulate it into sounding "haunted". that may seem trivial, but please realize that i had never seen an actual synthesizer before - i'd just always used the presets on my sister's electronic piano. it was a small victory to get the patch by increasing the sustain on the preset, but it was a hard-fought battle.
after i got the track mixed down through the 4-track and mastered into the pc by sending the signal into the back of the soundblaster, some listening had me wishing that i had slowed the tape down a little. the track is a kind of a child's understanding of the existential, which i just felt would be more aesthetically in balance if i slowed the tape down and made it seem a bit more mournful. so, i wanted to go back and remaster it with the speed set a little slower.
i decided i should test it by slowing the track down digitally, first. what i was trying to do was get an estimate to use to remaster it at a different speed. i took a guess on half-speed to try and was going to incrementally reduce the reduction through trial and error until i got to a good point. then, i could set the tape speed by ear. i did not go through that process; i stopped at half-speed. for several weeks in 1998, the half-speed version was the final product for the track. i believe i even uploaded it to mp3.com slowed down this way.
i just instantly stopped at half-speed because, while the effect was more exaggerated than intended, that exaggeration was to greater effect than i imagined. i wasn't expecting the guitars to get that grungy, or the vocals to get that deep. when i heard it, though, i knew that this was the track.
in the end, i reverted back to the normal speed version, but this was done with much internal division. the reason that this is the last track on the demo is because i was holding out for space for the lengthier version. it was only due to a combination of space requirements and pull for conformity of sound through the demo that had me relent at the very end.
in hindsight, i do think that the short version fits better on the flow of the cd, and it will remain there - minus the vocals. yet, i also think that this slowed down version deserves it's own document. i've slowed down two other versions of the track, as well, to drag out the fun. the album version closes this collection.
originally created in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reconstructed in the summer of 2015 and then manipulated further in the summer of 2016. released & finalized on july 7, 2016. hidden track added and re-finalized on july 18, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
this release is compiled on inriℵ0.
jasonparent.bandcamp.com/merch/inri-box-set
this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1997, 2013, 2016).
credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, synths, drum programming, vocals, digital wave manipulation, production
released january 22, 1998
==
the christmas of 1997 was a good one. in addition to getting a four-track recorder to multitrack with, i also ended up with a jx-8p for my birthday, which is in early january. now that i could use the computer a little bit, i decided that i was finally ready to do some serious recording.
i had committed myself to reapproaching the first demo tapes and rerecording certain tracks to reflect the uplift that they got from the drum machine; that is, i had already dramatically rewritten most of the tracks around the drum machine, so i felt i should rerecord them. now, i was going to need to uplift some of those tracks a second time with synthesizer parts. i knew which tracks i wanted to approach and how, but i wanted to ease myself in a little. so, i picked a new track as my first synthesizer experiment.
that is a large part of what this track is. i had the lyrics pre-written, actually, and knew that i wanted a spooky kind of atmosphere to the track. so, i was approaching the synth with the question of how to manipulate it into sounding "haunted". that may seem trivial, but please realize that i had never seen an actual synthesizer before - i'd just always used the presets on my sister's electronic piano. it was a small victory to get the patch by increasing the sustain on the preset, but it was a hard-fought battle.
after i got the track mixed down through the 4-track and mastered into the pc by sending the signal into the back of the soundblaster, some listening had me wishing that i had slowed the tape down a little. the track is a kind of a child's understanding of the existential, which i just felt would be more aesthetically in balance if i slowed the tape down and made it seem a bit more mournful. so, i wanted to go back and remaster it with the speed set a little slower.
i decided i should test it by slowing the track down digitally, first. what i was trying to do was get an estimate to use to remaster it at a different speed. i took a guess on half-speed to try and was going to incrementally reduce the reduction through trial and error until i got to a good point. then, i could set the tape speed by ear. i did not go through that process; i stopped at half-speed. for several weeks in 1998, the half-speed version was the final product for the track. i believe i even uploaded it to mp3.com slowed down this way.
i just instantly stopped at half-speed because, while the effect was more exaggerated than intended, that exaggeration was to greater effect than i imagined. i wasn't expecting the guitars to get that grungy, or the vocals to get that deep. when i heard it, though, i knew that this was the track.
in the end, i reverted back to the normal speed version, but this was done with much internal division. the reason that this is the last track on the demo is because i was holding out for space for the lengthier version. it was only due to a combination of space requirements and pull for conformity of sound through the demo that had me relent at the very end.
in hindsight, i do think that the short version fits better on the flow of the cd, and it will remain there - minus the vocals. yet, i also think that this slowed down version deserves it's own document. i've slowed down two other versions of the track, as well, to drag out the fun. the album version closes this collection.
originally created in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reconstructed in the summer of 2015 and then manipulated further in the summer of 2016. released & finalized on july 7, 2016. hidden track added and re-finalized on july 18, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
this release is compiled on inriℵ0.
jasonparent.bandcamp.com/merch/inri-box-set
this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1997, 2013, 2016).
credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, synths, drum programming, vocals, digital wave manipulation, production
released january 22, 1998
Saturday, July 16, 2016
new post at the alter-reality
july 16, 1996
good morning. i've been up all night playing civ 2. how was your night?
it's been a pretty good summer, so far. i've very much gotten into the routine of staying up all night and sleeping during the afternoon, which is a habit i can trace back a few years to when i used to live with my mom. when she got a new tv, she moved the old one into the basement, which is where my bedroom was. it was a nice, big tv - but very old. wood frame, with two dials on the front. uhf/vhf. it was around as long as i can remember, so it must have been from the 70s. at first, i used to stay up to watch conan and then get tired and fall asleep right after or even during it. i had to, because conan was the funniest thing to ever exist in the history of the universe. but, the habit of staying up late is something that builds on itself. you stay up a little later, you sleep in a little later; eventually, you're up all night. soon, i found myself watching muchmusic after conan; they always played better music at night. then, i was staying up even later to watch reruns of the original star trek series, which they were interestingly playing on cbc kingston. maybe somebody in the station went to high school with shatner, or something. kingston used to be the capital of canada, but it was eventually moved up the rideau river here to ottawa because kingston was considered to be too vulnerable to a sneak attack by american forces. those bastards are always trying to invade us, so we have to be careful. it's about half way to toronto, which is still close enough to get channels here in ottawa on basic cable. within a few years, i'd guess i'd seen pretty much the entire series - much of it several times.
i even found myself staying up even later, mostly for the purposes of reading. by the time i'd got to high school, i'd read almost everything that stephen king had ever written. i also read a lot of science fiction including a lot of isaac asimov, especially the foundation series. the gaia theory narrative was very interesting to me. some nights, i would stay up reading until lunch time. this wasn't always really a choice, either - sometimes i just got lost in it.
so, the idea of staying up all night is not something that's new to me. i'm only 15, but i've been doing this regularly over the summer for many years, already.
it is a little different this year, though, for a few reasons. one is that i'm not living at my mom's this summer. mom didn't really care when i went to bed. dad doesn't either, really, but my stepmother claims she is a light sleeper and doesn't want to be woken up because she has to work in the morning. also, i might wake the dogs up (we have two golden retrievers). i'm well aware that there's an unwritten and unenforced rule that i should be in bed, but i also know that nobody is going to give me grief so long as i don't wake anybody up. the other reason it's different this year is that there's central air here. my mom has never had an air conditioner, and in fact there were even no windows in the basement. so, conan or not, there was some greater value in sleeping through the hot days and living in the cooler evenings. it can actually get pretty hot in canada in the summer!
this has been my schedule for most of the summer:
1. wake up after 2:00 pm. 3:00, often. 4:00, sometimes, even.
2. eat. well, usually. sometimes, dad says not to eat before he goes because he's making something. or, he might leave a note. sometimes, he even phones to tell me not to eat - and, i'd better not, too. he gets strangely depressed when you won't eat his food, like he's failed at life or something. i think it's some kind of repressed italian cultural thing. that's the exception, though. usually, they eat out on their way home from work. so, i usually feed myself. i expect to feed myself.
3. play guitar until everybody goes to bed.
4. play civ 2 until the sun comes up, or later.
5. sleep until the afternoon and start again.
is that a pretty good summer? i think it is, actually. although, i'm not sure if they're really aware of my sleeping schedules. i think they mostly think that i just get up early, and am awake all day.
one of the things i enjoy about playing civ 2 all night is listening to music when i'm playing. the newest, greatest thing in my walkman is the new i mother earth record, scenery and fish. i did already have the first record, dig, although i found it a little dense to get into, at first. it was just a little more challenging than the grunge that came out in '93 and '94. so, it kind of sat for a while until i went back to it. right now, i'm actually listening to both of them.
i find that the lyrics are really quirky at points, which i kind of like. they kind of want to tell a story, but they're kind of tongue-in-cheek about it, too. it's kind of like that they know they're cliched and are simultaneously revelling in it and poking fun at themselves for it. i think that's called post-modernism, but i'm not completely sure. what i really, really like are the guitars on the record. the fact that the guitars on this record are just a bit more advanced than the grunge records i've been listening to for the last few years puts them in just about the right space for me, right now. it's kind of more like the stuff my guitar teacher shows me: jimi hendrix, stevie ray vaughn, eric clapton, carlos santana. or, maybe it's kind of like that it's half-way between the blues that i'm being trained in and the alternative rock (pearl jam, smashing pumpkins, soundgarden) that i'm listening to a lot of. either way, tracks like pisser and earth, sky and c are immensely fun to rock out to through headphones.
i mentioned in the last update that i was helping my dad build a room in the basement. it's something we've been doing on the weekends, mostly - and it's almost done. he already bought his drum kit, so he has to build it, now. that's what he said, anyways. we put all this pink insulation in between the walls, and then we put in sound-proof ceiling tiles to stop the sound from traveling upstairs. the last thing we have to do is put an outside layer of drywall around the wood joists. i tried to do as much as i could, but i really only had two tasks: (1) hold things still and (2) stay out of the way.
he says that it should be done by august. he seems really excited by the prospect that i may bring some people over, as he's a little concerned about how much time i spend by myself. i don't really know anybody that would want to come over and start a band, though.
it's past my bed time, so i'm going to sleep. enjoy the i mother earth: it's something special, i think.
http://therealinri.blogspot.ca/1996/07/scenery-and-fish-and-building-rooms-in.html
the vlogs will also be catching up over the next few hours:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCinQSeEtF0vSN1XVhQGfwKA
scenery and fish and building rooms in basements and other things.
good morning. i've been up all night playing civ 2. how was your night?
it's been a pretty good summer, so far. i've very much gotten into the routine of staying up all night and sleeping during the afternoon, which is a habit i can trace back a few years to when i used to live with my mom. when she got a new tv, she moved the old one into the basement, which is where my bedroom was. it was a nice, big tv - but very old. wood frame, with two dials on the front. uhf/vhf. it was around as long as i can remember, so it must have been from the 70s. at first, i used to stay up to watch conan and then get tired and fall asleep right after or even during it. i had to, because conan was the funniest thing to ever exist in the history of the universe. but, the habit of staying up late is something that builds on itself. you stay up a little later, you sleep in a little later; eventually, you're up all night. soon, i found myself watching muchmusic after conan; they always played better music at night. then, i was staying up even later to watch reruns of the original star trek series, which they were interestingly playing on cbc kingston. maybe somebody in the station went to high school with shatner, or something. kingston used to be the capital of canada, but it was eventually moved up the rideau river here to ottawa because kingston was considered to be too vulnerable to a sneak attack by american forces. those bastards are always trying to invade us, so we have to be careful. it's about half way to toronto, which is still close enough to get channels here in ottawa on basic cable. within a few years, i'd guess i'd seen pretty much the entire series - much of it several times.
i even found myself staying up even later, mostly for the purposes of reading. by the time i'd got to high school, i'd read almost everything that stephen king had ever written. i also read a lot of science fiction including a lot of isaac asimov, especially the foundation series. the gaia theory narrative was very interesting to me. some nights, i would stay up reading until lunch time. this wasn't always really a choice, either - sometimes i just got lost in it.
so, the idea of staying up all night is not something that's new to me. i'm only 15, but i've been doing this regularly over the summer for many years, already.
it is a little different this year, though, for a few reasons. one is that i'm not living at my mom's this summer. mom didn't really care when i went to bed. dad doesn't either, really, but my stepmother claims she is a light sleeper and doesn't want to be woken up because she has to work in the morning. also, i might wake the dogs up (we have two golden retrievers). i'm well aware that there's an unwritten and unenforced rule that i should be in bed, but i also know that nobody is going to give me grief so long as i don't wake anybody up. the other reason it's different this year is that there's central air here. my mom has never had an air conditioner, and in fact there were even no windows in the basement. so, conan or not, there was some greater value in sleeping through the hot days and living in the cooler evenings. it can actually get pretty hot in canada in the summer!
this has been my schedule for most of the summer:
1. wake up after 2:00 pm. 3:00, often. 4:00, sometimes, even.
2. eat. well, usually. sometimes, dad says not to eat before he goes because he's making something. or, he might leave a note. sometimes, he even phones to tell me not to eat - and, i'd better not, too. he gets strangely depressed when you won't eat his food, like he's failed at life or something. i think it's some kind of repressed italian cultural thing. that's the exception, though. usually, they eat out on their way home from work. so, i usually feed myself. i expect to feed myself.
3. play guitar until everybody goes to bed.
4. play civ 2 until the sun comes up, or later.
5. sleep until the afternoon and start again.
is that a pretty good summer? i think it is, actually. although, i'm not sure if they're really aware of my sleeping schedules. i think they mostly think that i just get up early, and am awake all day.
one of the things i enjoy about playing civ 2 all night is listening to music when i'm playing. the newest, greatest thing in my walkman is the new i mother earth record, scenery and fish. i did already have the first record, dig, although i found it a little dense to get into, at first. it was just a little more challenging than the grunge that came out in '93 and '94. so, it kind of sat for a while until i went back to it. right now, i'm actually listening to both of them.
i find that the lyrics are really quirky at points, which i kind of like. they kind of want to tell a story, but they're kind of tongue-in-cheek about it, too. it's kind of like that they know they're cliched and are simultaneously revelling in it and poking fun at themselves for it. i think that's called post-modernism, but i'm not completely sure. what i really, really like are the guitars on the record. the fact that the guitars on this record are just a bit more advanced than the grunge records i've been listening to for the last few years puts them in just about the right space for me, right now. it's kind of more like the stuff my guitar teacher shows me: jimi hendrix, stevie ray vaughn, eric clapton, carlos santana. or, maybe it's kind of like that it's half-way between the blues that i'm being trained in and the alternative rock (pearl jam, smashing pumpkins, soundgarden) that i'm listening to a lot of. either way, tracks like pisser and earth, sky and c are immensely fun to rock out to through headphones.
i mentioned in the last update that i was helping my dad build a room in the basement. it's something we've been doing on the weekends, mostly - and it's almost done. he already bought his drum kit, so he has to build it, now. that's what he said, anyways. we put all this pink insulation in between the walls, and then we put in sound-proof ceiling tiles to stop the sound from traveling upstairs. the last thing we have to do is put an outside layer of drywall around the wood joists. i tried to do as much as i could, but i really only had two tasks: (1) hold things still and (2) stay out of the way.
he says that it should be done by august. he seems really excited by the prospect that i may bring some people over, as he's a little concerned about how much time i spend by myself. i don't really know anybody that would want to come over and start a band, though.
it's past my bed time, so i'm going to sleep. enjoy the i mother earth: it's something special, i think.
http://therealinri.blogspot.ca/1996/07/scenery-and-fish-and-building-rooms-in.html
the vlogs will also be catching up over the next few hours:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCinQSeEtF0vSN1XVhQGfwKA
Friday, July 15, 2016
i walked out of that concert completely fried due to minimal sleep, overexposure to my ears (remember: i saw swans on tuesday, too), alcohol, nicotine and the other one that's still a few months away from open mention. so, i'm not done sleeping yet. but there was an experience near the end of the show that i want to say something about. it was one of those really surreal moments of racism that you just can't do much about besides point out loudly and shake your head about. so, i'm going to scream about it for a few paragraphs.
i mother earth were a kind of iconic canadian band in the 90s, and they were uniting here with a singer they hadn't played with in many years. the announcer said 18 years. i'm not sure if that's literally true or not, but it's been a while. the audience was consequently full of nostalgia: an older and mostly white crowd rocking out to records released in 1993 and 1996. much drinking, yes.
now, everybody knows you're not supposed to smoke anything at all in these kinds of outdoor bank concerts. you're just supposed to shut up and drink your over-priced beer. that is, of course, the economic purpose of this event: to sell over-priced beer. but, you can't actually enforce this rule once the sun comes down a little, the least important reason being that most people in the crowd at rock concerts like this actually don't agree with bans on smoking at outdoor concerts. many of them actually even smoke. and, not just cigarettes.
the smell of marijuana is pretty normal at outdoor rock concerts. it's a part of the experience - whether you're actually inhaling, or just taking in the aroma. it wouldn't be a real festival, without it. whatever the eventual legality of the substance in canada, that smell is not going to lift from the concerts of the nation. there will simply be a trail of corrected signs "thank you for pot smoking".
the spirit of this event, combined with the nature of the audience, actually at one point near the end of the set had joints passing around amongst strangers. somebody decided everybody at the show ought to be high. or it seemed that way. they were just circling around. my nose and eyes caught multiple burning around me.
so, i will acknowledge that there were people smoking pot in the audience. see, but that's just it - *everybody* in the audience was smoking pot. no exaggeration. nine out of ten, anyways.
so, you'll imagine how absurd it was to watch security swoop in, walk past several burning joints and key in on the only black guy in eyesight - who, yes, was caught green-handed. like, they took it out of his hand. ok. drug abuse. but, they had to blatantly walk by scores of stoned white folks to do this, and then scores more as they were escorting him out. 90 out of 100 people in the immediate audience were stoned. it was being openly passed around. but, only one person in the audience was black.
i didn't stay for the literal headliner, so i don't know if they came back later for more minorities, or even for some white folk - or maybe if they just backed off and let people have a good time. but i know what i saw and how obvious it was.
i don't really have any point besides the obvious one: it's really not ok. i don't know exactly who the security personnel were (mall cops?), either, but....i guess the way i should articulate this to organizers is that i don't want to see anything like that ever again.
of course, this has nothing to do with the band. the actual show was excellent, for what it was. tight. no fuck-ups. the tracks were identifiable, but expanded upon enough to play out. i'd need at least two hands to count the number of times i saw this band in the 90s, and they were always a strong live set like that. so, i will actually have some footage coming up in the next few days of i mother earth with edwin in 2016. that's something that is actually happening. there's some teaparty footage, too.
right now, back to sleep....
i mother earth were a kind of iconic canadian band in the 90s, and they were uniting here with a singer they hadn't played with in many years. the announcer said 18 years. i'm not sure if that's literally true or not, but it's been a while. the audience was consequently full of nostalgia: an older and mostly white crowd rocking out to records released in 1993 and 1996. much drinking, yes.
now, everybody knows you're not supposed to smoke anything at all in these kinds of outdoor bank concerts. you're just supposed to shut up and drink your over-priced beer. that is, of course, the economic purpose of this event: to sell over-priced beer. but, you can't actually enforce this rule once the sun comes down a little, the least important reason being that most people in the crowd at rock concerts like this actually don't agree with bans on smoking at outdoor concerts. many of them actually even smoke. and, not just cigarettes.
the smell of marijuana is pretty normal at outdoor rock concerts. it's a part of the experience - whether you're actually inhaling, or just taking in the aroma. it wouldn't be a real festival, without it. whatever the eventual legality of the substance in canada, that smell is not going to lift from the concerts of the nation. there will simply be a trail of corrected signs "thank you for pot smoking".
the spirit of this event, combined with the nature of the audience, actually at one point near the end of the set had joints passing around amongst strangers. somebody decided everybody at the show ought to be high. or it seemed that way. they were just circling around. my nose and eyes caught multiple burning around me.
so, i will acknowledge that there were people smoking pot in the audience. see, but that's just it - *everybody* in the audience was smoking pot. no exaggeration. nine out of ten, anyways.
so, you'll imagine how absurd it was to watch security swoop in, walk past several burning joints and key in on the only black guy in eyesight - who, yes, was caught green-handed. like, they took it out of his hand. ok. drug abuse. but, they had to blatantly walk by scores of stoned white folks to do this, and then scores more as they were escorting him out. 90 out of 100 people in the immediate audience were stoned. it was being openly passed around. but, only one person in the audience was black.
i didn't stay for the literal headliner, so i don't know if they came back later for more minorities, or even for some white folk - or maybe if they just backed off and let people have a good time. but i know what i saw and how obvious it was.
i don't really have any point besides the obvious one: it's really not ok. i don't know exactly who the security personnel were (mall cops?), either, but....i guess the way i should articulate this to organizers is that i don't want to see anything like that ever again.
of course, this has nothing to do with the band. the actual show was excellent, for what it was. tight. no fuck-ups. the tracks were identifiable, but expanded upon enough to play out. i'd need at least two hands to count the number of times i saw this band in the 90s, and they were always a strong live set like that. so, i will actually have some footage coming up in the next few days of i mother earth with edwin in 2016. that's something that is actually happening. there's some teaparty footage, too.
right now, back to sleep....
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