ok, i finally got those noisetrade.com links updated to smashwords, lulu, bandcamp & drive links. that was time consuming, but it's done.

i need to really write that story next. it's coming.

i'm scatter-brained, and i'm having difficulty figuring out if i picked up a cold (it could be anything, there's no reason to assume it's covid-19, and i have no intention of quarantining myself over the common cold, so i'm not getting tested. there's nothing i can accomplish by presenting myself to the medical authorities. i'll just stay in for a few days, thanks.) or if i'm reacting to the smoker(s) upstairs, but the decrease in temperature outside is helping clear the air out in here a little and it's definitely waking me up a bit. i feel like i'm in a smoky room, and have a dry cough and a sore throat, but i can't smell it or identify the direction. but, if i stick my nose in something with a strong odour, i can smell it, clearly.

i'm also wondering if i'm having a glycemic reaction to my change in diet. i've been eating mostly pasta for years, now; i've now switched to a diet composed solely of omelettes and fruit. i also switched from rye to whole wheat bread. my sugar levels were fine, if bumping a little, when i tested them a few months ago, but that was before i switched. what i'm feeling is consistent with an onset of diabetes, which i have no evidence of in terms of sugar levels, but i'm consistently concerned about in the context of actual symptoms and what i think is a slow onset of ms, and which i know i can't do anything about. to be clear: my concern is i may be developing diabetes as a complication of a slow onset of ms, rather than as a result of diet, but that the switch in diet (to less glucose, actually.) may be messing with me. if i'm concerned about diabetes, and i slightly am, then the new diet is about as good as i can get. the fruit i eat - blueberries, strawberries, bananas, kiwis, raspberries - are all actually relatively low in glycemic index. it was my reliance on cheap pasta that was the more likely complicating factor, and switching to eggs is consequently actually a good idea, so long as i can manage to get used to it.

put another way, i may be sort of coming down from a pasta dependence and going through glucose withdrawals, which is potentially dangerous but probably good in the long run.

so, i'm feeling like i might be bedridden for a few days, but i'm not sure why, yet.

one story coming up...

...and, then i can get back to consolidating the four blogs from april 1 to present, and recalibrating myself and what i'm doing.

"western capitalism is almost a better product than heroin." - the now late genesis p'orridge

i might alter that somewhat - western capitalism is almost the same product as heroin.

"before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.”

it's a cliche, and one of the first memes i saw back in the day.

but, it's true.

and, i'm pretty sure my problem is the latter, not the former.

so, i don't need drugs; i need a safe place to exist, where i never have to deal with other people ever again...

i should post the record.

and, maybe it'll chill me out a little.

this is kind of a lost classic. somebody might correct me, but i believe this is the first thing that the singer from skinny puppy did after the band imploded c. 1995. there was a slew of key/goettel releases directly after goettel died....of a heroin overdose....but ogre was quiet for a while. he may have been on tour with ministry and/or pigface...kmfdm, even?

this was with martin atkins, mostly, although mark walk was also involved.

it's a concept record that is critical of ritalin use in children.

and, then, when you have kids that act like kids, they'll push crack on them, to turn them into zombies - until they can get hooked on heroin, too!

heroin for all!

we need to tell people to shut up and suffer, sometimes.

and, we need to get people conditioned to the necessity of suffering in existence, if anything to prove that we're real.

we live in a very, very, very sick world.

the doctors are all drug pushers and heroin dealers.

and, the political system wants to facilitate it.

i could have walked out of there with an rx for vicodin or oxycontin, virtually on demand.

they would have been happy to give it to me.

we should probably actually be making it harder for low-life doctors to prescribe this stuff, not easier to find it.

take a walk through downtown windsor some time and put 2 & 2 together.

it's easy to see why we have such a problem with opiates in this country: the doctors prescribe it like it's candy, even when people vehemently scream that they don't want it.

that wasn't the first time that er tried to give me opiates.

it wasn't even the second.

it was actually the third.

and, you'd have to tie me down and inject it, because that's one of the very few ways to generate violence in me; i'm a passive, non-violent person, but you put that shit near me, and you'd better be wearing head gear, cause i'm going to react like a hungry cougar and go for your eyes and your neck...

great health care system, huh?

even at the 50% dosage, i'd say there's a 75% chance i'm going to harm myself.

but, i have to do it before they'll react.

and they'll just give me heroin when they do.

the emergency supply of testosterone blockers was at half the dosage i've been taking since june. it's not going to be enough, and i'm going to need to act aggressively to get the surgery; in the meantime, i should expect severe levels of depression as a result of the rising t-levels that i've been trying to avoid.

and, i can only hope that it's enough to survive until i can chop them out and sacrifice them to demeter.

that ritual will happen, btw - i will get these horrible things in a jar, and take them to a field and burn them.

so, you wanna talk about a children's crusade?

fine.

let's add slaughter-house five to the pandemic reading list.

we need some indignant liberals this cycle, clearly.

it's actually a hitchensian argument.

what kind of cosmic despot is this? one that must be overthrown, and beheaded in the square.

let's send joe and the democrats a message: he may be willing to sacrifice his own son for this empire of greed and exploitation, but we're not willing to sacrifice ours.

it's an old story, told many times, in various different ways.

this interpretation seems to be most similar to kirkegaard's.

but maybe it's time for the left to chop off it's own hand - before we make a terrible mistake.

so, yeah.

if you want to sacrifice your kids at the altar of corporate greed, neo-liberalism and imperial domination, maybe joe's your boy. maybe you don't love them much, anyways.

if you'd rather they live, if you'd rather they have a future, maybe he's not.

he sent his own fucking son to die, and then claimed it was justified as some kind of "sacrifice".

if he'll ritually murder his own, he'll ritually murder yours, too.

but, think this through, carefully.

if biden was willing to send his own son to die, how likely do you think he is to send yours?

he died of cancer at an absurdly young age.

if the cause of his cancer was ultimately some kind of exposure in iraq - something that is noted by researchers but poorly understood - then that would make him about as stupid a person as has ever existed, given he had no reason to put himself at that kind of risk, as the son of a sitting senator and eventual vice-president.

i don't know if i'd call him a sucker..

i think i'd give him a darwin award, though.

and, yes - biden's son was a fucking dipshit, too, clearly.

i mean, what kind of senator raises his son to go fight in a war? what kind of absent parenting leads to that?

that's what poor kids are for...

if you judge a man by the company he keeps, biden's friendship with mccain is pretty devastating.

"john mccain was my friend" - joe biden

exactly.

john mccain was a loser, though.

he was a whiner, too.

and a crook, on top of it.

wait.

might the magician have been odin, himself?

it's interesting to note that the earliest inscription for the "pied piper" uses the latin term magus, meaning magician - or, pagan. he's not called a merchant....and the idea of being sold into slavery takes a hit, due to the specificity of the term.

if they were led out of town by a "magus", that would suggest they were taken away by pagans, whatever the context.

that it was at the solstice would indeed reasonably be of some significance.

we know they could write.

we just don't have anything that they wrote, that survived.

at least, we don't think we do; we've been able to trace technical roman documents about seafaring and agriculture to pre-roman carthaginian sources. they exist, to us, simply in latin. but, we can decode them, and figure out where they came from.

there may be things that we only know from latin that are ultimately translated german or celtic works, we just haven't figured it out yet.

to clarify a misunderstood point...

the germans and celts had a writing system, we just have almost no record of it. so, you hear christians say things like "the germans left us without a history", but this is a deeply misleading statement. what seems to be more true is that the romans completely eradicated any trace of their writing in the areas they conquered (much as they did with the carthaginians), leaving only scattered remnants in areas that never saw direct roman control, like the ogham scripts in ireland, the norse sagas in iceland and the gothic runes in the east.

so, it's true that virtually everything we know about the celts & germans was written by the romans, but it is actually rather dubious that it's because nothing was written - and more likely because their own history, as they wrote it, was eradicated as an intentional act of genocide.

it's a good example of how blurry our own history is. this isn't pre-history; it's roughly contemporary with aquinas, and marco polo. but, the christians destroyed everything...

on first glance, it sounds like a sanitation of a devshirme raid, but it seems too early for that. would the christians have rounded up kids like this? well, look at the residential school system in canada (and australia and south africa) for a parallel; it's not that crazy, but i don't know of any comparisons directly in europe. generally, the christians had the good sense to realize they could brainwash the young ones, and only killed off the adults.

could they have been sold off into slavery by italian merchants? that's not too outlandish, in this period.

but, my gut tells me that this is a late example of human sacrifice, perhaps in reaction to a lengthy period of drought. and, some cursory research does tell me that there were frequent droughts in this area of europe at the time.

sadly, we'll never know our own history, because it was purposefully destroyed or overwritten by the religious authorities. we can only guess, and warn others of the dangers of abrahamic colonization.

http://www.bbc.com/travel/story/20200902-the-grim-truth-behind-the-pied-piper

i don't know who is worse.

and, i'm more confused now than i was four years ago.

not much has changed, huh?

hey, here's some more:

as always, jello had the right answer 35 years ago.

yes: i support programs that give young, working class boys better options than becoming serial killers.

hrmmn.

sounds like something i might say, frankly.

the president is the commander-in-chief, so he can't be talking like that, even if the sentiment is essentially correct, and one i broadly share.

fuck the troops....

and, guess what gi joe? you don't wanna get blown up fighting for corporatism and the upper class, then don't sign up for combat. you won't see a tear from me, when you die - you fascist scum.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/trump-said-us-soldiers-injured-and-killed-in-war-were-losers-magazine-reports/2020/09/03/6e1725cc-ee35-11ea-99a1-71343d03bc29_story.html

early reich is difficult and esoteric, i get it.

this, however, is a little bit of an overlooked classic that came out in the late 90s and was intended as a more accessible tribute to reich. if you don't recognize some of these names, realize that most of them were well regarded djs or electronic musicians from the 90s, and some of them were also very popular.

i'd recommend this highly for kids of all ages. it's one of my favourite records....

it's gonna rain came first, but from what i've read (my parents were both under the age of 10.), it was come out that first turned heads, and is actually exceedingly topical in a few ways right now.

and, if you knew this was next, give yourself a cookie.

i'm ok. i can walk. a few bruises on my arms. nothing like this.

it's gonna rain.

how many thermals fans got that?

i've been living in detroit for a while now, but i know the actual history.

this guy right here is the actual first dj ever.

my head's coming back, and i'm not calming down.

i'm mad as hell.

let's go.

here's the future for the rest of us: it's gonna rain.

maybe it'll clear out some of the smoke, at least.

you can still find people in their 60s or older that deny that smoking causes cancer.

it's all propaganda, they say. nonsense. lies.

smoking is good for them - they saw it in the ads, it was in the papers, on the tv. what changed?

that's your future, potheads: denial. denial. denial...

medical tobacco was really, seriously a thing, you know.

they prescribed alcohol as a cure-all, as well.

and, we think marijuana is different because...?

because we don't learn. we're fucking idiots, collectively...

it should ultimately be the security guard's job to clear out the smokers, one would think.

it would help if he wasn't the worst offender of them all...

and, he seems to think his job is arresting queer people that might upset the elderly and religious in triage.

but, now...

...i've said too much...

nowadays, they give you marijuana or opiates instead.

windsor - where it's still 1955, all the time!

this is truly the place that time forgot.

i wonder which brand the doctors at the emergency room at the windsor hospital recommend?

this is a track i tend to find whenever i need to recover or regroup in some way. it's both general and specific enough that it works in pretty much any imaginable context, so long as you need to sit and rest for a while.

I think I'll quit to the valley
Regain my strength and start again

that's today.

back to the struggle, tomorrow.

this is why the headlines at google news are about a relatively small protest in a tactically positioned, but otherwise unimportant, country that acts as a buffer state between germany and russia.