Saturday, August 31, 2013
Friday, August 30, 2013
elevating the thermals’ the body, the blood, the machine to benchmark status
congratulations to the thermals for making the benchmark albums list. review will come in time.
the listing is on the strength of the writing as much as it is on the self-righteous anger. i gave this lots of time to age; it nails it as well today as it did the day it was released, and it will nail it just as well a decade from now. hopefully, it won't have to.
the listing is on the strength of the writing as much as it is on the self-righteous anger. i gave this lots of time to age; it nails it as well today as it did the day it was released, and it will nail it just as well a decade from now. hopefully, it won't have to.
elevating our lady peace's naveed to benchmark status
i'm promoting this from classic to benchmark based primarily on the vocal approach. it was always on the fence, waiting for an assessment...
i should clarify that a little.
i've never quite understood how anybody could sit there and claim that emo (and, throughout, i'm using emo in the appropriated corporate rock sense, rather than the initial dc punk sense) or pop-punk vocals are somehow an emotional response to the lack of emotion in alternative rock. i don't want to yell orwellian, but if the topic matter was more serious then i probably would. it's completely backwards - the primary reason that corporate emo sucks is that the vocalists sound like soulless robots. i can handle the music alright, and sometimes the subject matter isn't boring, but the vocals are a really massive blocking point.
the reality is that these distinctions are all quite silly. it's all punk rock in some incarnation or another. the best way i know how to demonstrate how silly it is is to point out that dave grohl was right in the middle of the dc punk scene, before he joined nirvana. the primary influence on the first foofighters disc was, in fact, dc emo. yet, who is going to sit there and argue dave grohl was a more passionate vocalist than kurt cobain, even before the colour and shape?
if you want passionate, emotional, melodic vocalists, i'll take corgan, cobain and cornell over anything corporate emo (which apparently traces back to weezer and sdre - both of whom jumped immediately to massive success) ever produced, and i simply don't understand how anybody could make the alternate argument. i'm not working in a different definition, or falling into something subjective. it's just flat out wrong.
this particular our lady peace disc is really weird in terms of classification. i've read as many reviews praising it for not being grunge as i have for accusing it of being a grunge knockoff. personally, i don't hear the grunge influence. the dissonance seems to actually come from a big cure influence; the punk aesthetic seems to come from detroit and minneapolis and even athens, rather than seattle. corgan's accusations notwithstanding (and, trust me: don't ever listen to corgan), the weak surface similarity to gish seems to come from a shared cure fetish; this seems to be contemporary with the movement from the 80s into the 90s, not a response to it or an aping of it. and, it ultimately took it's own, rather unique spin on that evolution.
but, the vocals. what are these vocals? are they punk rock vocals? they have the snarl and the snide and the attack. are they rock opera vocals? a bit. beatnik scat poetry? almost, at points. but, really, the question is this: are they corporate emo vocals? how much of an influence did raine maida have on the development of this style of singing?
i don't know. i've seen it suggested in a few interviews with the band itself. i've seen the band and fans reject the label. however, i've never seen any corporate emo acts address the question.
regardless, it sure sounds like there was an influence, and a rather large one. if olp were "post-grunge", that ultimately places them in the same genre that weezer and sdre andjawbox jawbreaker (although if you want to hear some dc emo, check out jawbox) and the others were placed in during the 90s. the e word had yet to be appropriated during this time period. i was listening to 3/4 of those acts at the time; i would assume that was fairly normal, and that olp would have been in all of those playlists. so, i'm going to give him credit for that...
...but there's a big difference: these vocals actually really *are* passionate, intense, emotional. they really actually do have the ability to work a group of kids into a frenzy...
hence, the promotion to benchmark. in a convoluted sense, this is one of the very few examples i know of of corporate emo done right.
i should clarify that a little.
i've never quite understood how anybody could sit there and claim that emo (and, throughout, i'm using emo in the appropriated corporate rock sense, rather than the initial dc punk sense) or pop-punk vocals are somehow an emotional response to the lack of emotion in alternative rock. i don't want to yell orwellian, but if the topic matter was more serious then i probably would. it's completely backwards - the primary reason that corporate emo sucks is that the vocalists sound like soulless robots. i can handle the music alright, and sometimes the subject matter isn't boring, but the vocals are a really massive blocking point.
the reality is that these distinctions are all quite silly. it's all punk rock in some incarnation or another. the best way i know how to demonstrate how silly it is is to point out that dave grohl was right in the middle of the dc punk scene, before he joined nirvana. the primary influence on the first foofighters disc was, in fact, dc emo. yet, who is going to sit there and argue dave grohl was a more passionate vocalist than kurt cobain, even before the colour and shape?
if you want passionate, emotional, melodic vocalists, i'll take corgan, cobain and cornell over anything corporate emo (which apparently traces back to weezer and sdre - both of whom jumped immediately to massive success) ever produced, and i simply don't understand how anybody could make the alternate argument. i'm not working in a different definition, or falling into something subjective. it's just flat out wrong.
this particular our lady peace disc is really weird in terms of classification. i've read as many reviews praising it for not being grunge as i have for accusing it of being a grunge knockoff. personally, i don't hear the grunge influence. the dissonance seems to actually come from a big cure influence; the punk aesthetic seems to come from detroit and minneapolis and even athens, rather than seattle. corgan's accusations notwithstanding (and, trust me: don't ever listen to corgan), the weak surface similarity to gish seems to come from a shared cure fetish; this seems to be contemporary with the movement from the 80s into the 90s, not a response to it or an aping of it. and, it ultimately took it's own, rather unique spin on that evolution.
but, the vocals. what are these vocals? are they punk rock vocals? they have the snarl and the snide and the attack. are they rock opera vocals? a bit. beatnik scat poetry? almost, at points. but, really, the question is this: are they corporate emo vocals? how much of an influence did raine maida have on the development of this style of singing?
i don't know. i've seen it suggested in a few interviews with the band itself. i've seen the band and fans reject the label. however, i've never seen any corporate emo acts address the question.
regardless, it sure sounds like there was an influence, and a rather large one. if olp were "post-grunge", that ultimately places them in the same genre that weezer and sdre and
...but there's a big difference: these vocals actually really *are* passionate, intense, emotional. they really actually do have the ability to work a group of kids into a frenzy...
hence, the promotion to benchmark. in a convoluted sense, this is one of the very few examples i know of of corporate emo done right.
elevating do make say think’s other truths to benchmark status
yeah. the other truths bump was always expected - it was clear from the first listen three years ago, but i wanted to give it some time. so, i pegged it at a strong 4.5. 4.75, really. but, that was always, always meant to be temporary, until time allowed me to justify the bump.
that's disc number three from dmst in my benchmark records list, btw.
all their records carve their own niche; this one takes their typical horn/drum/bass/guitar sound and inverts it into a more traditional noise-punk aesthetic. that's not to say it's going to break your ears. but, where this thing excels is really in it's pure guitar-driven noise rock. i always found the post-rock thing a little ironic, considering it was the best rock music out there at the time (this hasn't been true in many years, but it was then, before the form became homogenized and all the creative drivers went their separate ways). this thing just drives. but, better is that there isn't any fluff, it's just four epic space shuttle launches. it had been a while since dmst had released a disc without any fluff....
that's disc number three from dmst in my benchmark records list, btw.
all their records carve their own niche; this one takes their typical horn/drum/bass/guitar sound and inverts it into a more traditional noise-punk aesthetic. that's not to say it's going to break your ears. but, where this thing excels is really in it's pure guitar-driven noise rock. i always found the post-rock thing a little ironic, considering it was the best rock music out there at the time (this hasn't been true in many years, but it was then, before the form became homogenized and all the creative drivers went their separate ways). this thing just drives. but, better is that there isn't any fluff, it's just four epic space shuttle launches. it had been a while since dmst had released a disc without any fluff....
unpublished note on the meat puppets’ too high to die
one of things i like doing when listening to the meat puppets is waiting for the one-liners.
”yeah, my head’s got a hole in it, and everything’s been ruined by the rain”
”things we should not do: should not walk through walls.”
”yeah, my head’s got a hole in it, and everything’s been ruined by the rain”
”things we should not do: should not walk through walls.”
unpublished note on limblifter
those of you from canada may remember a radio rock band from the mid 90s called the age of electric. they had a few minor hits up here. i guess they were “ok”, but there was this really disconcerting epidemic up here for a few years in the mid 90s when the crtc’s rules, combined with somebody’s really tragically bad taste, produced this slew of mildly talented acts with just horribly annoying vocalists. limblifter was a side project launched by the drummer and bassist from the age of electric, who happen to be brothers. ditching the annoying singer didn’t get them more airplay, but it did produce a more interesting record.
the main reason i’ve hung on to this all these years is that i’ve liked a lot of the lyrics through various phases of my life. on some level, songs like “dominantmonkey” and “i wonder if…” are really generic mid 90s explorations of alienation from and statements of rejection of the dominant patriarchal culture. for whatever reason, this was one of the records of this type that i strongly latched on to….
an objective analysis? well, the record is really saturated in catchy hooks, but recognize that this was very much the norm in 1996. stylistically, it belongs in the same genre as another brother-driven group, the meat puppets, and while the comparisons are actually sort of deep i’ll stop before i begin.
the main reason i’ve hung on to this all these years is that i’ve liked a lot of the lyrics through various phases of my life. on some level, songs like “dominantmonkey” and “i wonder if…” are really generic mid 90s explorations of alienation from and statements of rejection of the dominant patriarchal culture. for whatever reason, this was one of the records of this type that i strongly latched on to….
an objective analysis? well, the record is really saturated in catchy hooks, but recognize that this was very much the norm in 1996. stylistically, it belongs in the same genre as another brother-driven group, the meat puppets, and while the comparisons are actually sort of deep i’ll stop before i begin.
unpublished note on the offspring’s ignition
Classic
the bigger they come, the harder they fall. a little ironic foreshadowing from everybody’s second favourite punk rock biology doctorate…
yeah, well, there’s a reason they don’t advertise dexter holland as a phd student anymore. the whole thing is rather depressing, really. however, none of that is remotely contextual at the moment because you’ve walked through a time machine back to 1992, when the offspring were signed to the highly seminal epitaph records. note that epitaph was still a punk rock label at this time. we’re in a sort of a weird vacuum here, in the period between nirvana’s nevermind and two records that had a far more pervasive and wide reaching influence on mainstream rock music, namely dookie by green day and smash by the offspring themselves. further, refused are not dead yet, so punk hasn’t yet been taken over by dumb marxist crunk/metal hipsters who see themselves as some kind of intellectual vanguard that needs to dictate terms to the proletariat (lol); it’s still about maximizing propaganda potential and mobilizing the masses through producing choruses that can be sung along to. ignition exists within the genesis of what would later be called pop-punk and was released in it’s most formative period.
yet, it also exists at the very end of socal punk as a serious social and musical idea. i’ve retained a soft spot for early green day that i’ll probably never let go of, but it has been clear for many years that the only truly substantial thing to come out of the pop punk trend (besides nevermind itself) was the offspring. they were always different than the others in three substantial ways. first, they leaned harder towards the straight-edge tradition than the other acts in the pop-punk mould did. second, they leaned more towards the political side of hardcore than the others did. to an extent, the offspring were guilty of accusations of ripping off the dead kennedys in their early days; jello biafra even did a spoken word introduction for their fourth record. third, they actually had a harder edged, more complex and sometimes thrash-influenced sound. that is to say that they were initially the most intelligent, the most interesting and the most musical of the pop punk acts – in the beginning, this was a legitimately interesting band with compelling perspectives and musical talent.
alas…
it’s 1992, though, and you don’t care about any of this. you’re just an alright kid skating through orange county listening to the new epitaph band and thinking to yourself how tight they are. then, you see an ad for a job you’re interested in and stop to write it down. laaaaaa la la la life goes on….
the record absolutely nails the pre-refused punk rock ideal of merging extremely catchy music with politically challenging subject matter and for that reason alone deserves a classic rating. what’s remarkable is that they were able to one-up it on smash, which is a really perfect punk disc by the aforementioned traditional punk criteria. the flaws in ignition are mild, but worth noting.
first, you have to consider that the track lapd was horrifically misinterpreted by a lot of complete fucking idiots who just heard the word “nigger” and instantly assumed they were listening to white supremacist music. i’ve often found myself turning the volume down when it comes on or skipping the track because i don’t want that confusion thrown out there or spread around. it isn’t that there is anything particularly wrong with the track, it is just that the attempt to shock people with language was so successful that it is difficult to play publicly…
second.
the bigger they come, the harder they fall. a little ironic foreshadowing from everybody’s second favourite punk rock biology doctorate…
yeah, well, there’s a reason they don’t advertise dexter holland as a phd student anymore. the whole thing is rather depressing, really. however, none of that is remotely contextual at the moment because you’ve walked through a time machine back to 1992, when the offspring were signed to the highly seminal epitaph records. note that epitaph was still a punk rock label at this time. we’re in a sort of a weird vacuum here, in the period between nirvana’s nevermind and two records that had a far more pervasive and wide reaching influence on mainstream rock music, namely dookie by green day and smash by the offspring themselves. further, refused are not dead yet, so punk hasn’t yet been taken over by dumb marxist crunk/metal hipsters who see themselves as some kind of intellectual vanguard that needs to dictate terms to the proletariat (lol); it’s still about maximizing propaganda potential and mobilizing the masses through producing choruses that can be sung along to. ignition exists within the genesis of what would later be called pop-punk and was released in it’s most formative period.
yet, it also exists at the very end of socal punk as a serious social and musical idea. i’ve retained a soft spot for early green day that i’ll probably never let go of, but it has been clear for many years that the only truly substantial thing to come out of the pop punk trend (besides nevermind itself) was the offspring. they were always different than the others in three substantial ways. first, they leaned harder towards the straight-edge tradition than the other acts in the pop-punk mould did. second, they leaned more towards the political side of hardcore than the others did. to an extent, the offspring were guilty of accusations of ripping off the dead kennedys in their early days; jello biafra even did a spoken word introduction for their fourth record. third, they actually had a harder edged, more complex and sometimes thrash-influenced sound. that is to say that they were initially the most intelligent, the most interesting and the most musical of the pop punk acts – in the beginning, this was a legitimately interesting band with compelling perspectives and musical talent.
alas…
it’s 1992, though, and you don’t care about any of this. you’re just an alright kid skating through orange county listening to the new epitaph band and thinking to yourself how tight they are. then, you see an ad for a job you’re interested in and stop to write it down. laaaaaa la la la life goes on….
the record absolutely nails the pre-refused punk rock ideal of merging extremely catchy music with politically challenging subject matter and for that reason alone deserves a classic rating. what’s remarkable is that they were able to one-up it on smash, which is a really perfect punk disc by the aforementioned traditional punk criteria. the flaws in ignition are mild, but worth noting.
first, you have to consider that the track lapd was horrifically misinterpreted by a lot of complete fucking idiots who just heard the word “nigger” and instantly assumed they were listening to white supremacist music. i’ve often found myself turning the volume down when it comes on or skipping the track because i don’t want that confusion thrown out there or spread around. it isn’t that there is anything particularly wrong with the track, it is just that the attempt to shock people with language was so successful that it is difficult to play publicly…
second.
unpublished note on a frustrations cassette demo
Strong Effort
i picked this up in a basement in ottawa a while back and have listened to it a lot more than i thought i would. frustrations were floating through town and one of the local promoters used it as an opportunity to put on a show for one of the many terrible local acts; frustrations opened for the local act, who i didn’t stick around for. i think i had an exam to go study for. i’m not the hipster in this equation, though. the process seriously got inverted, somehow. it’s an ottawa thing….
perhaps part of the reason i’ve been listening to this a lot is that i’m actually not entirely sure how to describe it. some people will no doubt wish to use more recent terms, but i’m going to reject that approach. the demo has a very retro sound that pegs it, roughly, as punk rock c. 1985. however, the way it combines influences makes it difficult to conceive of it actually existing c. 1985, and i’m not aware of anything that exists that sounds quite like it. a basic description would be that it sounds about halfway between the earliest sonic youth and the earliest nirvana; in a very real way, it sounds like the missing link between no wave and grunge. however, you can also hear some influences from early emotive hardcore in the vocals, as well as a touch of husker du in the song structures and quite a bit of joy division in the overall atmospherics.
i’m often not a fan of retro approaches, but if retro is to be done at all then this is the way that i’m going to find it interesting. while it’s not *actually* an underground punk demo from 1985, it really sounds like it could be one, and, if it was one, it would be unique enough that it would carve out a space for itself in the crowded punk spectrum. it could have launched it’s own genre, even.
more importantly, perhaps, is that it’s a whole lot of fun to listen to. what dragged me out to the show was nothing more complicated than the promise of some thick feedback coming at me from close range in a basement. i certainly got that; listening to the demo, the noisy guitar atmospherics absolutely form a very central part of the sound. it is the rhythm section, though, that drives these songs in the different ways that they’re driven. while the vocal melodies are sort of generic (especially within the larger grunge meta-genre), the vocals are definitely melodic and that itself is a driving factor. more to the point, though, is that most of the vocals are very silly and are fun to be silly with. the ones that try to be more than silly fail in the sense of them being bad poetry….which is itself silly, so it remains consistent. in the end, listeners and musicians alike are all laughing with each other.
overall? yeah, this is pretty good. it’s very familiar, but it’s somehow sort of novel. frustrations have put together a fun demo, and are solid and noisy when they play it in front of you. hopefully, some people will get a chance to hear it…..
i picked this up in a basement in ottawa a while back and have listened to it a lot more than i thought i would. frustrations were floating through town and one of the local promoters used it as an opportunity to put on a show for one of the many terrible local acts; frustrations opened for the local act, who i didn’t stick around for. i think i had an exam to go study for. i’m not the hipster in this equation, though. the process seriously got inverted, somehow. it’s an ottawa thing….
perhaps part of the reason i’ve been listening to this a lot is that i’m actually not entirely sure how to describe it. some people will no doubt wish to use more recent terms, but i’m going to reject that approach. the demo has a very retro sound that pegs it, roughly, as punk rock c. 1985. however, the way it combines influences makes it difficult to conceive of it actually existing c. 1985, and i’m not aware of anything that exists that sounds quite like it. a basic description would be that it sounds about halfway between the earliest sonic youth and the earliest nirvana; in a very real way, it sounds like the missing link between no wave and grunge. however, you can also hear some influences from early emotive hardcore in the vocals, as well as a touch of husker du in the song structures and quite a bit of joy division in the overall atmospherics.
i’m often not a fan of retro approaches, but if retro is to be done at all then this is the way that i’m going to find it interesting. while it’s not *actually* an underground punk demo from 1985, it really sounds like it could be one, and, if it was one, it would be unique enough that it would carve out a space for itself in the crowded punk spectrum. it could have launched it’s own genre, even.
more importantly, perhaps, is that it’s a whole lot of fun to listen to. what dragged me out to the show was nothing more complicated than the promise of some thick feedback coming at me from close range in a basement. i certainly got that; listening to the demo, the noisy guitar atmospherics absolutely form a very central part of the sound. it is the rhythm section, though, that drives these songs in the different ways that they’re driven. while the vocal melodies are sort of generic (especially within the larger grunge meta-genre), the vocals are definitely melodic and that itself is a driving factor. more to the point, though, is that most of the vocals are very silly and are fun to be silly with. the ones that try to be more than silly fail in the sense of them being bad poetry….which is itself silly, so it remains consistent. in the end, listeners and musicians alike are all laughing with each other.
overall? yeah, this is pretty good. it’s very familiar, but it’s somehow sort of novel. frustrations have put together a fun demo, and are solid and noisy when they play it in front of you. hopefully, some people will get a chance to hear it…..
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Monday, August 26, 2013
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Monday, August 19, 2013
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Monday, August 12, 2013
ugh. i'm ready to pay $100/month just to turn off the fucking radio. honestly.
this pop-techno craze is horrific. never before has there been a more simplistic, watered down, completely fucking boring style of music. worse, it's hopelessly generic. you can't even tell when the songs switch. it's impossible. they're all identical. relief seems to come in the form of sappy new country that was likely written with the intent of ending up in a hallmark commercial. ugh.
i like a very wide variety of music, both very mainstream and not so much, and from just about every time period. i admit i've never liked the radio much, but it's never been so *irritating* that i've sat there sincerely wishing they'd just turn it off altogether...
this pop-techno craze is horrific. never before has there been a more simplistic, watered down, completely fucking boring style of music. worse, it's hopelessly generic. you can't even tell when the songs switch. it's impossible. they're all identical. relief seems to come in the form of sappy new country that was likely written with the intent of ending up in a hallmark commercial. ugh.
i like a very wide variety of music, both very mainstream and not so much, and from just about every time period. i admit i've never liked the radio much, but it's never been so *irritating* that i've sat there sincerely wishing they'd just turn it off altogether...
Monday, August 5, 2013
Re: hi again
From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: d’s email address
i do think he'd want you to have those discs.
i'm going to wait until i get to windsor and have thought about it more carefully before i make any kind of list. i'm not very focused right this minute. and, in all honesty, some of those discs may even have gotten mixed up into my own things. i should check that as well.
really, though, it's just those two zappa discs that are screaming out at me to find them...
j
To: d’s email address
i do think he'd want you to have those discs.
i'm going to wait until i get to windsor and have thought about it more carefully before i make any kind of list. i'm not very focused right this minute. and, in all honesty, some of those discs may even have gotten mixed up into my own things. i should check that as well.
really, though, it's just those two zappa discs that are screaming out at me to find them...
j
Re: hi again
From: d’s email address
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
Well after reading your 2 e-mails yesterday, I'm left with the following feelings.
1. You are making a great deal of assumptions.
2. You seem to have given yourself a great deal of self entitlement.
Now as for the CD's. I have a feeling you will be greatly disappointed since I likely do not have what you are looking for. You are correct, I do have some of your dads CD's. I do have a few prog things like the Flower Kings, Tomas Bolin, Spock's Beard, Pain of Salvation, Dream Theater. A few others would have been non-prog related such at Gary Moore, Robben Ford, Joni Mitchell. While I did take some discs, I also left a great deal of things since I already own a lot of what your dad had or have a burn of it already. What you should keep in mind is your dad has sold some of his discs and has also lent a lot of them them out over the past couple of years. I know this for a fact since he dropped a small box of CD's off at the Turning Point last year, I drove him. When I went through the disc's I notice a lot that were not there that I know he owned. Flower Kings, Allman Bros, Zappa, Yes, etc.. just to name a few. I don't believe he would sell these bands, so on loan seems more logical. At this point in time, I would recommend you send me a list of the specific discs you are looking for. If I happen to have taken any of these, I will consider mailing them to you in Windsor once you have moved there.
I want to thank you for the good chuckle that you gave me with the father/son analysis you seem to think your dad and I had. I've been in need of a good laugh lately. I have no intent on going into great details with you regarding the bond your father & I shared except to say that it was more brotherly than anything else. I can see how you got confused in your analysis since it could be viewed as a younger brother/older brother relationship since you seem to think age has some sort of relevancy here.
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
Well after reading your 2 e-mails yesterday, I'm left with the following feelings.
1. You are making a great deal of assumptions.
2. You seem to have given yourself a great deal of self entitlement.
Now as for the CD's. I have a feeling you will be greatly disappointed since I likely do not have what you are looking for. You are correct, I do have some of your dads CD's. I do have a few prog things like the Flower Kings, Tomas Bolin, Spock's Beard, Pain of Salvation, Dream Theater. A few others would have been non-prog related such at Gary Moore, Robben Ford, Joni Mitchell. While I did take some discs, I also left a great deal of things since I already own a lot of what your dad had or have a burn of it already. What you should keep in mind is your dad has sold some of his discs and has also lent a lot of them them out over the past couple of years. I know this for a fact since he dropped a small box of CD's off at the Turning Point last year, I drove him. When I went through the disc's I notice a lot that were not there that I know he owned. Flower Kings, Allman Bros, Zappa, Yes, etc.. just to name a few. I don't believe he would sell these bands, so on loan seems more logical. At this point in time, I would recommend you send me a list of the specific discs you are looking for. If I happen to have taken any of these, I will consider mailing them to you in Windsor once you have moved there.
I want to thank you for the good chuckle that you gave me with the father/son analysis you seem to think your dad and I had. I've been in need of a good laugh lately. I have no intent on going into great details with you regarding the bond your father & I shared except to say that it was more brotherly than anything else. I can see how you got confused in your analysis since it could be viewed as a younger brother/older brother relationship since you seem to think age has some sort of relevancy here.
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Re: my father's cds
From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: the surviving uncle’s email address
i'll be picking my stuff up and leaving on monday.
it turns out d has a bunch of them. i'm hoping he'll let me sort through them. there's only a handful more of them that i was hoping for, but, if not, in all honesty, the fact that i have at least a few is sort of enough. most of the stuff i wanted is really easy to find anywhere: dark side, sgt peppers, aladin sane...stuff that you can get for $1 at any garage sale...but stuff that i was really attached to. off of the top of my head, the only other things i was hoping to find were joe's garage and the apostrophe/overnite sensation split.
she's actually giving me a lot of stuff, and i appreciate that, and i do trust her to at least not destroy the things i have. i can only hope that trust is properly placed. if there's significant damage, i'm going to have to sue her. she *is* legally obligated not to harm property that doesn't belong to her, and she understands that. if she chooses to act otherwise, she'll have to take responsibility for that. i don't want to do that, obviously...
the thing i understand is that this isn't actually about me, even if it seems like it is at first. when she's upset or does things that don't seem to make much sense, it's rarely about what's on the surface. what she does is pick scapegoats and then heap all kinds of abuse on to them. i mean, she's obviously upset right now, and has a good reason to be. what she's doing is taking out all of her grief and anger and frustration and hurt on me because i'm the scapegoat she's picked for that. she doesn't require a good reason to do that. often, she doesn't require any reason at all, or will make up a reason to justify it. if i want to get clinical, it's sort of a classic example of somebody passing on abusive behaviour across generations.
so, maybe she's a little upset that i wasn't there at the very end. i don't really know what to say other than that my relationship with my father is something that existed between my father and i. i spent a lot of time with him the week before i left, because i wasn't sure if he'd make it until i got back. and i even asked her - is he expected to make it through the week? should i reschedule? and she told me it would be fine and i should go. on top of that, i had a really emotional conversation with him the night before i left. it was a goodbye call. it felt final. despite what she said about him making it through the week, when i left i felt the goodbyes had been said. i expected to not see him again. and i was at peace with that. again, that's between me and my dad, not between me and the stepmother.
to an extent, she might be internalizing that. she told me he'd still be here when i got back, and he wasn't, so she might be feeling guilty about that. of course that's not her fault, and i wouldn't blame her for it. but if she *feels* like it's her fault, then her response would be to reject that guilt and project it on to somebody else. and, of course, i'm the convenient scape goat. it's even easier, in this circumstance, given the context.
so, she would be able to construct an elaborate fantasy about me not loving my father as a shield to protect her from that guilt that she shouldn't be feeling in the first place. if i didn't love my father, i shouldn't get anything from him.
this seems complex and arbitrary, but she has a lot of complex issues, and i've dealt a lot with them over the years. i feel i have a certain power of psycho-analysis through experience. it's certainly *something* like this - she is *somehow* projecting all her hurt and sadness on to me as a release, and it's neither my fault nor does it really have much to do with me at all.
but, you're right - i can't talk it through with her. i always needed dad to do that.
it's just a few more days...
when i'm gone, she'll key on somebody else. it's not going to end until she can come to terms with things and understand what she's doing. but, realistically, just about every approach has been tried over 35 or 40 years, so i don't know what's going to happen.
there were frequent occasions when my dad talked about leaving her. he always said he couldn't leave her because she'd self-destruct into a rage and possibly even harm herself. i'm a little worried she's in the process of doing this, but i don't know a way i can help and i'm even worried that if i try it'll make things worse.
i'll probably wait until i leave and then send something to her brother, ferris.
j
To: the surviving uncle’s email address
i'll be picking my stuff up and leaving on monday.
it turns out d has a bunch of them. i'm hoping he'll let me sort through them. there's only a handful more of them that i was hoping for, but, if not, in all honesty, the fact that i have at least a few is sort of enough. most of the stuff i wanted is really easy to find anywhere: dark side, sgt peppers, aladin sane...stuff that you can get for $1 at any garage sale...but stuff that i was really attached to. off of the top of my head, the only other things i was hoping to find were joe's garage and the apostrophe/overnite sensation split.
she's actually giving me a lot of stuff, and i appreciate that, and i do trust her to at least not destroy the things i have. i can only hope that trust is properly placed. if there's significant damage, i'm going to have to sue her. she *is* legally obligated not to harm property that doesn't belong to her, and she understands that. if she chooses to act otherwise, she'll have to take responsibility for that. i don't want to do that, obviously...
the thing i understand is that this isn't actually about me, even if it seems like it is at first. when she's upset or does things that don't seem to make much sense, it's rarely about what's on the surface. what she does is pick scapegoats and then heap all kinds of abuse on to them. i mean, she's obviously upset right now, and has a good reason to be. what she's doing is taking out all of her grief and anger and frustration and hurt on me because i'm the scapegoat she's picked for that. she doesn't require a good reason to do that. often, she doesn't require any reason at all, or will make up a reason to justify it. if i want to get clinical, it's sort of a classic example of somebody passing on abusive behaviour across generations.
so, maybe she's a little upset that i wasn't there at the very end. i don't really know what to say other than that my relationship with my father is something that existed between my father and i. i spent a lot of time with him the week before i left, because i wasn't sure if he'd make it until i got back. and i even asked her - is he expected to make it through the week? should i reschedule? and she told me it would be fine and i should go. on top of that, i had a really emotional conversation with him the night before i left. it was a goodbye call. it felt final. despite what she said about him making it through the week, when i left i felt the goodbyes had been said. i expected to not see him again. and i was at peace with that. again, that's between me and my dad, not between me and the stepmother.
to an extent, she might be internalizing that. she told me he'd still be here when i got back, and he wasn't, so she might be feeling guilty about that. of course that's not her fault, and i wouldn't blame her for it. but if she *feels* like it's her fault, then her response would be to reject that guilt and project it on to somebody else. and, of course, i'm the convenient scape goat. it's even easier, in this circumstance, given the context.
so, she would be able to construct an elaborate fantasy about me not loving my father as a shield to protect her from that guilt that she shouldn't be feeling in the first place. if i didn't love my father, i shouldn't get anything from him.
this seems complex and arbitrary, but she has a lot of complex issues, and i've dealt a lot with them over the years. i feel i have a certain power of psycho-analysis through experience. it's certainly *something* like this - she is *somehow* projecting all her hurt and sadness on to me as a release, and it's neither my fault nor does it really have much to do with me at all.
but, you're right - i can't talk it through with her. i always needed dad to do that.
it's just a few more days...
when i'm gone, she'll key on somebody else. it's not going to end until she can come to terms with things and understand what she's doing. but, realistically, just about every approach has been tried over 35 or 40 years, so i don't know what's going to happen.
there were frequent occasions when my dad talked about leaving her. he always said he couldn't leave her because she'd self-destruct into a rage and possibly even harm herself. i'm a little worried she's in the process of doing this, but i don't know a way i can help and i'm even worried that if i try it'll make things worse.
i'll probably wait until i leave and then send something to her brother, ferris.
j
Re: my father's cds
From: the surviving uncle’s email address
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
J, people do hurtful things. Sometimes all you can do is try be be a better person than the ones hurting you. You are aware of what is going on and I believe that the only stuff you will get is the stuff you have retrieved on your own. As much as it hurts, at least you have what you have gotten back. The only cd's I got were given to me by your dad and they were 10 or 11 cd's that were the dead uncle’s. You are not in a good bargaining position and need to play what cards you do have, well.
I'm not 100% certain, but I believe strongly that a box of your dad's personal effects have been put aside for you with your things. I would not even ask about them. All you would be doing is saying, "here is another way to hurt me". I would drop the cd issue, there is nothing you or anyone else can do about it. There is not much to figure out, I think what is going on is pretty clear.
Speaking from personal experience, what I would do (and what your dad would tell you) is do nothing. Don't inquire about anything else. Just get your things as soon as possible and with as little fanfare as possible. Sometimes taking the high road brings surprising results. You are in a very tough spot, try to not let your feelings make it worse.
If you are not in a position to get your things to Windsor right now, maybe the best thing would be to hire a small local mover for an hour or two and put your stuff in a storage locker for now. At least you would be able to see what was given to you and you would know that it is safe.
Considering what is going on, I think that's your best bet. If you don't feel you can trust someone or a situation, then don’t.
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
J, people do hurtful things. Sometimes all you can do is try be be a better person than the ones hurting you. You are aware of what is going on and I believe that the only stuff you will get is the stuff you have retrieved on your own. As much as it hurts, at least you have what you have gotten back. The only cd's I got were given to me by your dad and they were 10 or 11 cd's that were the dead uncle’s. You are not in a good bargaining position and need to play what cards you do have, well.
I'm not 100% certain, but I believe strongly that a box of your dad's personal effects have been put aside for you with your things. I would not even ask about them. All you would be doing is saying, "here is another way to hurt me". I would drop the cd issue, there is nothing you or anyone else can do about it. There is not much to figure out, I think what is going on is pretty clear.
Speaking from personal experience, what I would do (and what your dad would tell you) is do nothing. Don't inquire about anything else. Just get your things as soon as possible and with as little fanfare as possible. Sometimes taking the high road brings surprising results. You are in a very tough spot, try to not let your feelings make it worse.
If you are not in a position to get your things to Windsor right now, maybe the best thing would be to hire a small local mover for an hour or two and put your stuff in a storage locker for now. At least you would be able to see what was given to you and you would know that it is safe.
Considering what is going on, I think that's your best bet. If you don't feel you can trust someone or a situation, then don’t.
Friday, August 2, 2013
Re: cds
From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: sister’s email address
well, i told you i wanted them, and you kept telling me you had nothing to do with it.
you could have offered to sell them to me. and you know what's ironic, sister? i would've given you up to $5/disc. some of them, i would have paid more than that for.
j
To: sister’s email address
well, i told you i wanted them, and you kept telling me you had nothing to do with it.
you could have offered to sell them to me. and you know what's ironic, sister? i would've given you up to $5/disc. some of them, i would have paid more than that for.
j
hi again
From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: d’s email address
ok, i've got the story cleared up now. my sister fessed up when i told her they had her name at cd warehouse.
so, you went through it first. ok. i was actually able to get most of what i was looking for back at vertigo or cd warehouse. i suppose you already had most of it.
having my dad's copy of dark side, sgt peppers, the lamb, texas flood....i found them. it cost me $107, but i'm just ecstatic they're not lost.
the thing is this: i feel the conditions that led to you going through the collection first have to do with the stepmother's dislike of me, and not of my father's wishes. i mean....i think you would have got second pass. sure. but i'm his kid, y'know? i really think he would have given me the first one. and i think i trust you to agree with that and reverse the error that's happened.
that being said, as for what you probably grabbed, i'm probably only interested in a minimal amount of it. i guess you grabbed the porcupine tree and some of that recent swedish prog and marillion and other stuff of the type. i was never really able to get into that, and it doesn't have a place in my childhood. the only thing off the top of my head is the zappa, if you even took the zappa, damn i need to find that zappa, and even then it's really just a few that i have an emotional attachment to - the ones i'd really like to have are joe's garage and the apostrophe/overnite sensation double. well, that and i guess i was looking for that holdsworth disc. we saw holdsworth a few years ago in the same theatre we saw the lamb in last year...
i don't know what *your* attachment is to these discs. i know you're quite a bit younger than my dad was. i think i interpreted a mild father-like relationship, perhaps unstated but mutually understood, and i never felt jealous or anything. maybe there were certain father-son levels that i wasn't interested in or able to relate with him on. maybe there was a mutual void filled there, and i don't want to take that away from you.
for me, getting copies misses the point. i can download it for free on torrent sites. it's the actual discs. i don't know if you're feeling the same way or not, or if making copies would be sufficient for you.
in the end, i don't want to take away anything that you feel is important to you. that's not my goal, or aim. i just want to collect a few things that are important to me. and maybe if there's a few where there are mutually strong feelings, we can split the difference.
i'm just as reasonable as he was, if not more so.
...but if you could bring those discs to the moving day so i could take a look through them, i'd be eternally grateful. i promise i'll only want to take 10, maybe 20, maybe even less than ten.
j
To: d’s email address
ok, i've got the story cleared up now. my sister fessed up when i told her they had her name at cd warehouse.
so, you went through it first. ok. i was actually able to get most of what i was looking for back at vertigo or cd warehouse. i suppose you already had most of it.
having my dad's copy of dark side, sgt peppers, the lamb, texas flood....i found them. it cost me $107, but i'm just ecstatic they're not lost.
the thing is this: i feel the conditions that led to you going through the collection first have to do with the stepmother's dislike of me, and not of my father's wishes. i mean....i think you would have got second pass. sure. but i'm his kid, y'know? i really think he would have given me the first one. and i think i trust you to agree with that and reverse the error that's happened.
that being said, as for what you probably grabbed, i'm probably only interested in a minimal amount of it. i guess you grabbed the porcupine tree and some of that recent swedish prog and marillion and other stuff of the type. i was never really able to get into that, and it doesn't have a place in my childhood. the only thing off the top of my head is the zappa, if you even took the zappa, damn i need to find that zappa, and even then it's really just a few that i have an emotional attachment to - the ones i'd really like to have are joe's garage and the apostrophe/overnite sensation double. well, that and i guess i was looking for that holdsworth disc. we saw holdsworth a few years ago in the same theatre we saw the lamb in last year...
i don't know what *your* attachment is to these discs. i know you're quite a bit younger than my dad was. i think i interpreted a mild father-like relationship, perhaps unstated but mutually understood, and i never felt jealous or anything. maybe there were certain father-son levels that i wasn't interested in or able to relate with him on. maybe there was a mutual void filled there, and i don't want to take that away from you.
for me, getting copies misses the point. i can download it for free on torrent sites. it's the actual discs. i don't know if you're feeling the same way or not, or if making copies would be sufficient for you.
in the end, i don't want to take away anything that you feel is important to you. that's not my goal, or aim. i just want to collect a few things that are important to me. and maybe if there's a few where there are mutually strong feelings, we can split the difference.
i'm just as reasonable as he was, if not more so.
...but if you could bring those discs to the moving day so i could take a look through them, i'd be eternally grateful. i promise i'll only want to take 10, maybe 20, maybe even less than ten.
j
Re: cds
From: sister’s email address
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
what was i supposed to tell you? she asked me to do something to help her deal with it, i did. it was nothing against you.
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
what was i supposed to tell you? she asked me to do something to help her deal with it, i did. it was nothing against you.
Re: cds
From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: sister’s email address
ok. i've sent an email to d. i'm going to have to ask to go through what he took.
between vertigo and cd warehouse, i picked up bowie, genesis, gabriel, yes, elp, crimson, bruford...a lot of prog stuff.
that's not the point. you lied to me repeatedly.
j
To: sister’s email address
ok. i've sent an email to d. i'm going to have to ask to go through what he took.
between vertigo and cd warehouse, i picked up bowie, genesis, gabriel, yes, elp, crimson, bruford...a lot of prog stuff.
that's not the point. you lied to me repeatedly.
j
RE: cds
From: stepmother’s email address
To: "'Jessica Murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
your sister took the Cd's downtown at my request so she had nothing to do with all this other than carrying out my wishes. I have also kept some CD's that I wanted. If you chose to spend the money on CD's so be it.
To: "'Jessica Murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
your sister took the Cd's downtown at my request so she had nothing to do with all this other than carrying out my wishes. I have also kept some CD's that I wanted. If you chose to spend the money on CD's so be it.
Re: cds
From: sister’s email address
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
d went through the collection first shot. i assume he has most of the zappa/crimson/genesis/prog stuff, so what i DID sell was mostly lame leftovers that NOBODY wanted; generic sarah mclachlan, soundgarden, radiohead, stuff there are a million copies of.
turning point, vertigo, CD warehouse. that was it. she asked me to try to get some cash for what was left, so i did. i didn’t keep any of the cash, of which there wasn’t much. i didn’t do it to hurt your feelings or anyone else’s; what was left was stuff you certainly wouldn’t have had any “emotional attachment” to, believe me.
the stuff you want is most likely at d’s. if you want to contact or debate with him about it, that’s your prerogative.
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
d went through the collection first shot. i assume he has most of the zappa/crimson/genesis/prog stuff, so what i DID sell was mostly lame leftovers that NOBODY wanted; generic sarah mclachlan, soundgarden, radiohead, stuff there are a million copies of.
turning point, vertigo, CD warehouse. that was it. she asked me to try to get some cash for what was left, so i did. i didn’t keep any of the cash, of which there wasn’t much. i didn’t do it to hurt your feelings or anyone else’s; what was left was stuff you certainly wouldn’t have had any “emotional attachment” to, believe me.
the stuff you want is most likely at d’s. if you want to contact or debate with him about it, that’s your prerogative.
Re: cds
From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: stepmother’s email address
ok.
i'm very upset right now. i've learned that the bulk of the cds were sold by my sister. her name was left behind in the transaction.
i've so far spent $107 on cds that my father would have liked for me to have. i understand that everything was left in your name, but i really think you have a moral responsibility to carry out his wishes. certainly, at the very least, i am completely positive that he would rather i had the cds than see them sold for $1/piece. i do not remotely think that my father would share whatever vendetta it is that the two of you seem to have against me. your behaviour is revoltingly selfish.
especially you, sister. didn't i just give you that jacket out of the kindness of my heart because you had an emotional attachment to it? then, you turn around and get rid of the thing i've expressed an emotional attachment to for a paltry sum. i don't understand this behaviour. it's very hateful and inconsiderate.
so, i'm just going to reiterate. this is probably the last time i'll contact either of you, except to pick up my things early next week.
1) i think i'm morally entitled to be repaid for the $107 dollars that i shouldn't have spent in the first place. i don't know who ended up with the money.
2) even if you don't want to do the moral thing and pay me back, can you at least tell me where else to go to find the rest of the cds? i've so far checked vertigo (where i got some back), cd warehouse (where i got some back), record centre (where they said nobody came in) and turning point (where they said the sister came in and only sold dvds). i'm a little skeptical about what the guy at turning point said. were there cds sold there? if there were, i'll buy them back. was there anywhere else i should go and look?
3) specifically, i'm very curious as to the whereabouts of the frank zappa cds. there are a few random things i was looking for and couldn't find, but i couldn't find *any* of those.
sister, i no longer trust you. there's no chance of reconciliation.
j
To: stepmother’s email address
ok.
i'm very upset right now. i've learned that the bulk of the cds were sold by my sister. her name was left behind in the transaction.
i've so far spent $107 on cds that my father would have liked for me to have. i understand that everything was left in your name, but i really think you have a moral responsibility to carry out his wishes. certainly, at the very least, i am completely positive that he would rather i had the cds than see them sold for $1/piece. i do not remotely think that my father would share whatever vendetta it is that the two of you seem to have against me. your behaviour is revoltingly selfish.
especially you, sister. didn't i just give you that jacket out of the kindness of my heart because you had an emotional attachment to it? then, you turn around and get rid of the thing i've expressed an emotional attachment to for a paltry sum. i don't understand this behaviour. it's very hateful and inconsiderate.
so, i'm just going to reiterate. this is probably the last time i'll contact either of you, except to pick up my things early next week.
1) i think i'm morally entitled to be repaid for the $107 dollars that i shouldn't have spent in the first place. i don't know who ended up with the money.
2) even if you don't want to do the moral thing and pay me back, can you at least tell me where else to go to find the rest of the cds? i've so far checked vertigo (where i got some back), cd warehouse (where i got some back), record centre (where they said nobody came in) and turning point (where they said the sister came in and only sold dvds). i'm a little skeptical about what the guy at turning point said. were there cds sold there? if there were, i'll buy them back. was there anywhere else i should go and look?
3) specifically, i'm very curious as to the whereabouts of the frank zappa cds. there are a few random things i was looking for and couldn't find, but i couldn't find *any* of those.
sister, i no longer trust you. there's no chance of reconciliation.
j
Re: my father's cds
From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: the surviving uncle’s email address
i took a run around town and got about 45 of them back for $107. the stores were all really sympathetic and sold them back at cost. i got the genesis back (including the lamb....except selling england for the pound), the gabriel, bowie, crimson, srv, yes, elp, and a bunch of random stuff by like tom petty and bruce cockburn. the one big thing i couldn't find was any zappa.
the whole scenario around it is really depressing me. i asked my sister about it several times and she just kept saying she didn't want to get involved, she didn't know anything about it, i had to talk to the stepmother, etc. like, right when i left today, it was one of the last things she said. but, when i called cd warehouse, it was all in her name. she was the one running them out...
like, i just don't know how to mentally compute this. cd warehouse sold them back to me at cost, which was $1/cd. at vertigo, it was $3/cd. was that really worth it to her? was lying to me worth it to her?
on top of that, i had *just* made a huge sacrifice for her. remember that jacket he gave me a few weeks ago? your mother was all excited about it fitting me, and i ended up going home with it. well, it turns out that the jacket was the one he walked her down the aisle with. truth is i liked the jacket and would have wanted to keep it. it's a nice jacket, and it's just going to sit in her closet. but i decided that it was more important that she had something of his that meant something to her, so i gave it back to her.
...and then a few hours later she goes and sells the one thing i had expressed an emotional attachment to?
like i say, i don't really want to get everybody involved in this, i'm just really hurt and confused and don't know what the fuck to think other than that i can't trust a word coming from them and have no path to follow in discussing it with them directly.
j
To: the surviving uncle’s email address
i took a run around town and got about 45 of them back for $107. the stores were all really sympathetic and sold them back at cost. i got the genesis back (including the lamb....except selling england for the pound), the gabriel, bowie, crimson, srv, yes, elp, and a bunch of random stuff by like tom petty and bruce cockburn. the one big thing i couldn't find was any zappa.
the whole scenario around it is really depressing me. i asked my sister about it several times and she just kept saying she didn't want to get involved, she didn't know anything about it, i had to talk to the stepmother, etc. like, right when i left today, it was one of the last things she said. but, when i called cd warehouse, it was all in her name. she was the one running them out...
like, i just don't know how to mentally compute this. cd warehouse sold them back to me at cost, which was $1/cd. at vertigo, it was $3/cd. was that really worth it to her? was lying to me worth it to her?
on top of that, i had *just* made a huge sacrifice for her. remember that jacket he gave me a few weeks ago? your mother was all excited about it fitting me, and i ended up going home with it. well, it turns out that the jacket was the one he walked her down the aisle with. truth is i liked the jacket and would have wanted to keep it. it's a nice jacket, and it's just going to sit in her closet. but i decided that it was more important that she had something of his that meant something to her, so i gave it back to her.
...and then a few hours later she goes and sells the one thing i had expressed an emotional attachment to?
like i say, i don't really want to get everybody involved in this, i'm just really hurt and confused and don't know what the fuck to think other than that i can't trust a word coming from them and have no path to follow in discussing it with them directly.
j
RE: cds
From: the stepmother’s email address
To: "'Jessica Murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
Your father left everything to me and what I do with his belongings is up to me....If I want to sell things, give them away or flush them down the toilet that is none of your business!
If you want to buy CD's for $75 that is your business.
To: "'Jessica Murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
Your father left everything to me and what I do with his belongings is up to me....If I want to sell things, give them away or flush them down the toilet that is none of your business!
If you want to buy CD's for $75 that is your business.
Jessica Amber Murray
it was my sister that sold the cds. after i told her i wanted them. and then she denied it. i will probably not speak to her again.
mom
How many cd's are we talking about here?...Although knowing your father...There must have been many. And many tapes and vinyl too?
Are you you sure it was her and not the stepmother
Jessica Amber Murray
i thought it was the stepmother at first. she may have sold the first batch on tuesday. but the second batch on wednesday was my sister. she signed her name over at cd warehouse, and the dude at turning point knows all three of us... the reason why this is particularly maddening is: 1) i told her i wanted to look through them. it's not about the monetary value of the cds. she only got like $3 each at vertigo and $1 each at cd warehouse. it's about the time i spent listening to them, the emotional attachment...it's the ONLY physical objects i wanted....and the fucking $1/disc was worth more to her than that... 2) i asked her several times about it and she bold-faced lied to me. flat. bold. lie. nobody can trust a word she says...
i spent all day tracking them down. in the end, i got about 45 back for $107. i kind of expect she'll refund me for that and tell me where the rest of them are. the big thing i couldn't find was the zappa discs...
it was my sister that sold the cds. after i told her i wanted them. and then she denied it. i will probably not speak to her again.
mom
How many cd's are we talking about here?...Although knowing your father...There must have been many. And many tapes and vinyl too?
Are you you sure it was her and not the stepmother
Jessica Amber Murray
i thought it was the stepmother at first. she may have sold the first batch on tuesday. but the second batch on wednesday was my sister. she signed her name over at cd warehouse, and the dude at turning point knows all three of us... the reason why this is particularly maddening is: 1) i told her i wanted to look through them. it's not about the monetary value of the cds. she only got like $3 each at vertigo and $1 each at cd warehouse. it's about the time i spent listening to them, the emotional attachment...it's the ONLY physical objects i wanted....and the fucking $1/disc was worth more to her than that... 2) i asked her several times about it and she bold-faced lied to me. flat. bold. lie. nobody can trust a word she says...
i spent all day tracking them down. in the end, i got about 45 back for $107. i kind of expect she'll refund me for that and tell me where the rest of them are. the big thing i couldn't find was the zappa discs...
Re: my father's cds
From: the surviving uncle’s email address
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
I'm going to keep this very brief for the moment. I don't know if I can help, but I'm going to try. Please don't act on this for today, leave it until tomorrow as I need to talk to a few people. I know that may be hard but don't think it's going to help for anyone to get their backs against the wall any further. Trust on me on this.
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
I'm going to keep this very brief for the moment. I don't know if I can help, but I'm going to try. Please don't act on this for today, leave it until tomorrow as I need to talk to a few people. I know that may be hard but don't think it's going to help for anyone to get their backs against the wall any further. Trust on me on this.
my father's cds
From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: the surviving uncle’s email address, d’s email address
i'm sorry i have to do this. you can be certain that i don't want to do this. but my hands are being forced...
my father wanted me to have his cds. he told me as much repeatedly over the course of several years. there's no doubt in my mind about this.
i want my father's cds. i have a lot of memories attached to them. i don't care what they're worth in dollar amounts. like, his old beat up copy of the lamb lies down on broadway is probably worth about $2. it's priceless to me....
out of all the things that he had, it's really all i wanted. i'm being cut out of the money, and i don't really care as long as i get the cds that are important to me.
i'm having a really hard time determining what happened to them. as far as i can figure out, both my sister and my stepmother are lying to me about it. i have no understanding of why they would do that, other than to spite and hurt me. they have a history of behaving in ways that are designed to spite and hurt me (and a long history of telling blatant lies).
i asked them on monday not to sell them. apparently, some of them were sold on tuesday and some of them were sold on wednesday.
the stepmother has told me she sold some of them, but she won't tell me who she sold them to. i've called around a bit. i was able to buy about 20 back from vertigo. record centre says nothing came in. turning point says the sister came in on wednesday with a handful of things and mentioned the plan was to give the good stuff away to “his friends”.
...after i've told them i wanted them...
...and, again, there's no doubt he wanted me to have them.
i don't want to drag you guys into this, but i don't think i'm going to get anywhere talking to them directly. it seems to be that there's a goal to ensure i don't get anything of his. as one example, i've asked about the sports awards and things he won when he was younger. i know for a fact he kept them in a box in his closet. that box contained his precious personal possessions. there was a defensive player of the year award, some hockey cards, some pins, some of his father's things, etc....according to the stepmother, such a thing never existed. yet, i know it did. she may have just thrown it out without thinking, but to lie about it indicates the presence of a deeper prerogative to ensure i don't get anything.
i think the easiest way to do this while causing the minimum amount of conflict is for you guys to just accept any discs that are offered and then let me take a look through them. i would be hopelessly grateful for the opportunity to do that.
part of me wants to just take everything and listen to it all very slowly, but the reality is that there's a lot of stuff i'm more or less indifferent to. but the stuff i am interested in - the genesis, the zappa, the srv - is just completely priceless to me.
it's not the music itself, i can download that for free, it's the fact that they were his discs, and the memories attached to listening to them, to exploring them, etc.
i know they both understand how important the opportunity to sort through this is to me and i just don't understand why they're being deceitful and obfuscating about it.
j
To: the surviving uncle’s email address, d’s email address
i'm sorry i have to do this. you can be certain that i don't want to do this. but my hands are being forced...
my father wanted me to have his cds. he told me as much repeatedly over the course of several years. there's no doubt in my mind about this.
i want my father's cds. i have a lot of memories attached to them. i don't care what they're worth in dollar amounts. like, his old beat up copy of the lamb lies down on broadway is probably worth about $2. it's priceless to me....
out of all the things that he had, it's really all i wanted. i'm being cut out of the money, and i don't really care as long as i get the cds that are important to me.
i'm having a really hard time determining what happened to them. as far as i can figure out, both my sister and my stepmother are lying to me about it. i have no understanding of why they would do that, other than to spite and hurt me. they have a history of behaving in ways that are designed to spite and hurt me (and a long history of telling blatant lies).
i asked them on monday not to sell them. apparently, some of them were sold on tuesday and some of them were sold on wednesday.
the stepmother has told me she sold some of them, but she won't tell me who she sold them to. i've called around a bit. i was able to buy about 20 back from vertigo. record centre says nothing came in. turning point says the sister came in on wednesday with a handful of things and mentioned the plan was to give the good stuff away to “his friends”.
...after i've told them i wanted them...
...and, again, there's no doubt he wanted me to have them.
i don't want to drag you guys into this, but i don't think i'm going to get anywhere talking to them directly. it seems to be that there's a goal to ensure i don't get anything of his. as one example, i've asked about the sports awards and things he won when he was younger. i know for a fact he kept them in a box in his closet. that box contained his precious personal possessions. there was a defensive player of the year award, some hockey cards, some pins, some of his father's things, etc....according to the stepmother, such a thing never existed. yet, i know it did. she may have just thrown it out without thinking, but to lie about it indicates the presence of a deeper prerogative to ensure i don't get anything.
i think the easiest way to do this while causing the minimum amount of conflict is for you guys to just accept any discs that are offered and then let me take a look through them. i would be hopelessly grateful for the opportunity to do that.
part of me wants to just take everything and listen to it all very slowly, but the reality is that there's a lot of stuff i'm more or less indifferent to. but the stuff i am interested in - the genesis, the zappa, the srv - is just completely priceless to me.
it's not the music itself, i can download that for free, it's the fact that they were his discs, and the memories attached to listening to them, to exploring them, etc.
i know they both understand how important the opportunity to sort through this is to me and i just don't understand why they're being deceitful and obfuscating about it.
j
Re: cds
From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: stepmother’s email address, sister’s email address
ok, so i got a bunch of them back from vertigo. some bowie, some crimson, some gabriel....these were some of the ones that were important to me.
they were very human about it and sold them back to me at cost. it was still $75 for around 25 cds. i'm going to ask you to contemplate whether that's a cost that you think i should pay out for something i'm absolutely 100% certain, with no space for doubt, that my father wanted me to have.
the ones that are most important to me are the genesis and the zappa. what happened to those ones? there was also a few other crimson discs i couldn't locate.
i also went to turning point and the record centre. the record centre had no recollection of anybody coming in, but turning point told me my sister came in yesterday with a handful of “common titles” - he mentioned that she indicated that a lot of the cds would go to “his friends”.
sister, were those his cds or yours? did you sell anything there yesterday? what?
i'm going to email d and the surviving uncle. i expect that they'll give me the discs, as that's what my father would have wanted. we can skip a step, here.
i'm not angry, so much as i'm shocked. i don't care what the discs are worth on a monetary basis. the memories attached to them are priceless. a few of his discs would be the only thing of his that i wanted...
j
To: stepmother’s email address, sister’s email address
ok, so i got a bunch of them back from vertigo. some bowie, some crimson, some gabriel....these were some of the ones that were important to me.
they were very human about it and sold them back to me at cost. it was still $75 for around 25 cds. i'm going to ask you to contemplate whether that's a cost that you think i should pay out for something i'm absolutely 100% certain, with no space for doubt, that my father wanted me to have.
the ones that are most important to me are the genesis and the zappa. what happened to those ones? there was also a few other crimson discs i couldn't locate.
i also went to turning point and the record centre. the record centre had no recollection of anybody coming in, but turning point told me my sister came in yesterday with a handful of “common titles” - he mentioned that she indicated that a lot of the cds would go to “his friends”.
sister, were those his cds or yours? did you sell anything there yesterday? what?
i'm going to email d and the surviving uncle. i expect that they'll give me the discs, as that's what my father would have wanted. we can skip a step, here.
i'm not angry, so much as i'm shocked. i don't care what the discs are worth on a monetary basis. the memories attached to them are priceless. a few of his discs would be the only thing of his that i wanted...
j
cds
From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: stepmother’s email address
i'm sorry if this comes off as trite, but it really isn't from my perspective, this is actually incredibly important to me.
can you tell me who you sold them to? i'm going to try and call around.
j
To: stepmother’s email address
i'm sorry if this comes off as trite, but it really isn't from my perspective, this is actually incredibly important to me.
can you tell me who you sold them to? i'm going to try and call around.
j
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